Jennifer’s Story-Recovering Beautifully.

Envelopes.  It all started with envelopes. Mom would ask me to take “notes” to her friends. I later found out that these “notes” contained quarter papers of methamphetamine.  It wasn’t until I was cooking a batch of it with my mom that I realized that there were no actual words written inside. We moved from…

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Bethany’s Story, Recovering Beautifully.

I watched my brother go through addiction when I was around 10 years old. I always swore that I would never drink and I would never do drugs. That changed when I had my first drink of alcohol around age twelve. I didn’t drink much that first time, but I instantly knew that I liked…

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Recovering Beautifully – Dorothy’s Story.

**trigger warning, drugs and abuse** Hi, my name is Dorothy and I am an addict.  Many people in my life, know some of my story, however I have never felt strong enough or brave enough to share it all; until now, thanks to Tiffany and all of the other amazing people that have shared their…

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Amanda’s Story

You can see clearly from the “then” picture posted above that I was not healthy. I was underweight and my eyes, well, they just look awful. My name is Amanda Burns, I am 26 years old and it has been 3 years, 8 months, and 22 days since I have been free of addiction. I…

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Alexa’s Story

My story starts off like most that you hear of heroin addicts these days. I am a 27-year-old female raised in an upper-class white family who, on the outside, seemed to have everything that everyone wanted. The big house, a family with money, dropped off to school in a BMW. What I didn’t have was…

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Brittany’s Story

It’s been nearly twelve years since I began recovering. I didn’t think of my issue as an addiction until now. I didn’t realize how much I relied on cutting as a coping mechanism. I self-harmed and I’m recovering.  But not every day is an easy day. There are days where I long for the pain.…

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Miranda’s Story, Recovering Beautifully

Leaving a parent at a treatment center time after time at a young age was life changing. It is a feeling that could only be understood by another child who kept losing their mother over and over to addiction. I thought it would be my lesson on not abusing drugs, my “what not to do.”…

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Jordan’s Story, Recovering Beautifully.

It was September 11th, 2009. I slowly and painfully opened my eyes to see a screenshot of the Twin Towers collapsing on the news in a memorial tribute they were conducting. I wanted to feel empathy for the pain these people were experiencing, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t feel anything. Because in my own life,…

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Coco’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

It was a Saturday during the wee hours of a frigid November morning in 2015 that I had finally been found out. The wails coming from my hysterical sister’s mouth were horrific. We were on the back patio of her home, and I had just confessed to her my truth—that I was a drug addict.…

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Nicole’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

5 years ago I was happily married, with a beautiful little girl, and the home I always wanted.I felt complete. I had no knowledge of the demons that were hiding inside of me. Over time I started to have struggles with the loss of a previous pregnancy, and I wasn’t quite sure how to cope.…

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Kirsta’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

Self Harm & Sexual Abuse. (Triggers)     I grew up in a very chaotic and abusive family, my father and mother were born into chaotic families themselves and had very little skills in the way of parenting, loving, or emotional/self-regulation. They did the best they could, but it left me and my brother very…

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Ambree’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

I recently celebrated six years clean and sober. How is it possible that the before photo was really me at one time.? I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. I remember getting arrested that morning six years ago like it was yesterday. I was so lost and so broken. I was only a shell…

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Gary’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

  From as early as I can remember, I’ve never felt comfortable in my own skin. The outsides never matched the insides. I had it all growing up. Love from my parents, privileges, opportunities, and material items. Yet somehow, I was never happy and always wanted more. From a very young age I acted out,…

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Brittany’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

  My parents divorced when I was 11 and I felt like I was robbed of a life. We went from family vacations and getting tucked into bed every night, to scraping up loose change in order to eat. Growing up in the house with my mother who was once a safe, at-home housewife, and…

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Cayla’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

I knew from a very early age that both of my parents were addicted to drugs. By the time I was fourteen my mom had left us to go be with some guy. When I was seventeen, a senior in high school, my dad was handed four –  99 year sentences. Despite this fact, I…

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“The Toolbox”

I wish I could take credit for “The Toolbox”, but it’s actually something I was introduced to when I first got clean. A woman named Sharon would talk about it every  morning, at the 7:30 Wake-up meeting.  It was actually her answer for everything: Bad day? “The Toolbox”. Boyfriend cheating? “The Toolbox”. Company Christmas party?…

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Emma’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

    The first time I snorted a Percocet, I knew I had found what I had been looking for; something to fill the void in my soul.   Something to curb the depression and numb the anxiety. I had tried Vicodin before, but this was different. My body was warm, my smile was almost…

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Kristin’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

*Triggers – Drug Use.*   I was so good at hiding who I truly was. To the outside world I was a tall blonde, with long legs, who worked full time as a paralegal for one of the top Criminal Defense Attorneys in my area. In the evenings I went to law school to further…

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Jennifer’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

Trigger – Domestic & Sexual Abuse, Drug References.   So what went wrong?? After high school, I met….him. He was the “bad boy”. He was handsome, charming, said all the right things, and for some reason, he showed interest in me. The first time he hit me was because I made a joke at his…

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Ashley’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

When I was one year old, my dad was a high rise window cleaner and my Mom, a school bus driver. We owned our home, paid our mortgage, visited with family and lived a fairly normal life. Until my dad did not strap himself in, and fell off of a high rise building. Fortunately he…

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Alechia’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

Hi My Name is Alechia, and I am a Thankful Grateful and Blessed Recoving (Meth) Addict. My Clean Date is July 27 2008. Life wasn’t always the Hell I created it to be, I wasn’t always a prisoner stuck in my own mind. At one point I was a normal, regular girl who started going…

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Tracy’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

Jesus is a buzz killer…this is my story of recovery. My name is Tracy,  I am 47 years old and I am a recovering alcoholic. I remember my first taste of beer. When I was a little girl my Dad would let me “pour” his beer for him. I would get a special amber colored…

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Lisa’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

***Triggers – Self Harm*** My story isn’t your typical addiction story.   My story begins when I was thirteen years old, and I accidently got a scratch on my arm. At that moment, I remember feeling a sense of pain… But in a strange way, it also felt good. I couldn’t tell you the first…

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Kate’s Story – Recovering Beautifully

***Triggers – Graphic drug language and unwanted sexual situations***       I would say I had it pretty good growing up since I was never abused or molested, but growing up with an alcoholic/addict stepfather made for a pretty tumultuous home life at times. Because of the fact my stepdad used heroin and it…

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Sarah’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

**Trigger – Miscarriage** I was nineteen when I had my first miscarriage… I started having a severe pain on my left ovary, and I went to doctor after doctor for years trying to find the cause of it—with no success.  I was referred to pain management, and it felt as if I had been given up on. My choices were pain meds…or…

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Jessica’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

“You know I hate when you just stand there and stare at me,” my husband said from the couch, barely looking up from his video game. “Yeah, but I married you, which means that I get to stare at you whenever I want,”  I replied as a mildly defeated, sort of smug smile formed on his face.…

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Annie’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

My name is Annie and I am a addict. I come from a family of addicts. My mother, father and siblings battled this miserable disease long before I did. So let’s just say the odds have been stacked against me since I escaped the womb. My parents were also extremely abusive to one another. I can…

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Nikole’s Story – Recovering Beautifully

**Warning – Triggers** Growing up I had a tough life. My father was a police officer, and my mom was a prescription drug addict. My father’s new wife not only kept me from my mother, but she also abused me. By the time I was almost twelve, I had run away from home five times. The…

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Tiffany R’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

My name is Tiffany, and I’ll be 26 next month by God’s grace. Many years ago I found out through a prescription I had been given, that I liked pain pills. I didn’t think I would end up as I did throughout the years. I partied and was doing things at 13, that most people…

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Sylvia Rose’ Story – Recovering Beautifully

Hiyah, I am Sylvia Rose LeBeau. I grew up as a PK (Preacher’s kid) in the south. My future was already planned for me, I would be the wife of a missionary, and travel the world spreading the gospel. Whoops! I began experimenting with alcohol at the age of 12, it was Smirnoff (yeck). At…

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Andi’s Story – Recovering Beautifully.

*Trigger Warning* (Names of drugs.) Hi! I’m Andi, and I’m an addict. My clean date is March 23rd, 2016, so I just celebrated 20 months of freedom from heroin (and crack and meth when I was trying to stop the heroin). The following is my journey thus far… The first time I acknowledged that I…

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Two Faced-My Secret Life. Chapter #19

Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me…

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Two Faced-My Secret Life. Chapter #18.

Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me…

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Two Faced-My Secret Life. Chapter 17.

  Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought…

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Two Faced-My Secret Life. Chapter #16.

  Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought…

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Two Faced-My Secret Life. Chapter #15

Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me…

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Two Faced-My Secret Life. Chapter #12.

  Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought…

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Two Faced-My Secret Life. Chapter #11.

Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me…

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Two Faced-My Secret Life. Chapter #10.

Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me…

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Two Faced-My Secret Life. Chapter #7.

Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me…

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Two Faced – My Secret Life. Chapter #2.

  Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought…

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Two Faced – My Secret Life. Chapter #1

Hey Friend! There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me…

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10 Life Changing Pieces of Advice I Learned From Recovering Addicts-That Apply To Anyone.

As most of you know, I have been in recovery from addiction for 4 years.  What you may not know, is that I didn’t stay clean all that time, by myself.  There is a community of people just like me, that knew the secret of staying clean.  I leaned on these people as I began learning to navigate the unknown territory of sobriety.  The world is different when you are only accustomed to seeing it through a foggy haze, and if you don’t know your way around, you will most likely end up back on the path that is comfortable to you – the path of getting high.

These people were my lifelines, and they had something I wanted, they knew how to live clean. So I observed them intently, I listened to things they had to say and I watched how happy they were without the use of drugs. While listening, I have overhead countless clichés, advice and tips.  Some of it went in one ear, and right out the other when I realized it didn’t apply to me, however some advice – struck me like a lightening bolt, and it changed my life.

I am going to share some incredible advice from some of the wisest people I have met. People who have been to hell, and risen from the ashes into a beautiful new creation. This knowledge has helped me to overcome countless obstacles,  setbacks, and disappointments. These don’t only apply to addicts or alcoholics, I believe the following list can help anyone who is looking to evolve and better themselves.

 

 

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Be gentle with yourself – We are often times our own harshest critics, we tend to beat ourselves up over something, before anyone else has a chance to.  If I make a mistake, I don’t let my inner thoughts allow to me to believe you are a failure.  Mistakes and accidents can and will happen.  Embrace them, learn from them…and move on.

 

 

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Look down at your feet– Someone in recovery told me this at one point and it has stuck with me ever since.  He said “Look down at your feet, that is where you are at this moment in time.  You are not in the past, you are not in the future – you are right here, right now, in this moment, the next moment is not promised. Focus on where you are at this point, and stop worrying about where you will be 10 minutes from now.” This changed me.

 

 

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“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know.  But if you listen you may learn something new.” – The Dalai Lama said this originally, and obviously he didn’t say this directly to me.  A counselor at my old rehab center quoted him and it made a huge impact on me.  In a conversation, I used to anxiously wait for the other person to finish speaking so that I could say my piece, which means I wasn’t listening to a word they said, just waiting for my turn to talk. I wonder how many important things I missed in doing so?

 

 

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You can’t pour from an empty cup – Self care is so important. You can’t expect to be any good to anyone, if you are drained mentally, physically and spiritually.  This is also why on airplanes they say to “First put your on your oxygen mask before helping others.” Because if I run out of oxygen, I can’t continue to help anyone else.

 

 

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Learn to let things go that you cannot control- This one is huge, and while I truly understand the significance and truth to this statement, I regularly find myself having to verbally remind myself of this in certain situations.  Trying to control things beyond your control does nothing but create relentless inner turmoil.  I must Recognize I am powerless, take a deep breathe, and exhale the responsibility of fixing the situation, releasing it into the universe where a power greater than myself can bear the burden of sorting it out.  I am always amazed at the weight that is lifted during that exhale.

 

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“If you fuel your journey on the opinions of others, you are going to run out of gas” – Steve Marable – This author and behavioral scientist said this originally, but someone in the rooms shared it with me during a personal bout with low self esteem.  This one took a lot of practice,  because the need to be liked by others is ingrained in my DNA. I regularly need to remind myself that “my value doesn’t decrease based on others inability to see my worth.” (Another favorite of mine, although I’m not sure who originally said it, as there are conflicting reports.)

 

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Resentments are like setting yourself on fire, and expecting the other person to die of smoke inhalation – This one really hit home with me as I am the queen of holding grudges. After hearing this I realized “my enemy” was probably going about their daily life, not thinking twice about me – meanwhile I was stewing in anger and hatred for the person. It was destroying my inner peace and achieving nothing.

 

 

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The only difference between good days and bad days, is your attitude – They say life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. This is so true.  If I get a flat tire, I can either allow myself to fill with rage, calling the tire company to curse them out and tell them how incompetent they are, spending the remainder of the day reflecting on my bad fortune – or – I can take a breathe, laugh at this misfortune and realize the tire has popped and that is now in the past. Then I can begin to calmly come up with a plan to amend the situation. One of these choices will result in a ruined day – and it is all up to me.

 

 

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Play the tape all the way through – If you are in recovery, you have probably heard this saying countless times. What this basically means is “Before making the decision to use, don’t just think about the part that seems fun then shut the tape off, play it all the way through to see how it ends – usually in jails, institutions and death.”  However this doesn’t only have to apply to using, it can apply any time we find ourselves on the brink of making an impulsive decision. What does the end of the tape look like, and will we be happy with the results.

 

 

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Stop projecting! – This one is my favorite, because it is so important.  So many of us spend our days looking toward the future, worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. The dreaded “but what if” causes fantasies of imaginary situations that are purely hypothetical and result in nothing but stress. We are projecting.  We are looking ahead, instead of being present and we are meeting our problems halfway, instead of waiting for them to come to us.  This advice has allowed me to spend less time worrying, and more time living.

I believe that I am a better person today, than I ever was, even before addiction.  The reason being that today I live by a specific set principals, principals that I was taught through the program of Narcotics Anonymous.  In the program, we don’t just learn how to stay clean, we learn to live a meaningful and purposeful life.  We learn how to be the best version of ourselves possible.  I believe that if we as people – addict or not – remain teachable, than there is no limit to the ways that we can grow, and the things we can  achieve.

 

 

 

This is your brain on drugs…

Mom Blog Monday! Let’s talk about drugs mannnn! So check it out. Here is something you probably didn’t know.  The human brain doesn’t fully mature biochemically until between the ages of 24 to 26. So basically this means, up until this point, the part of your brain that handles decision making is not fully formed, (which…

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