120 Days In-My Time In Jail. Chapter #21

 

Hey Friend!
There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me a typewriter on my 6th birthday.
The good news is, It’s finally happening! My book is in review on the Amazon Kindle website, and within the next few days will be available for pre-order! I know you are probably still mad at me, but I hope that you understand that this a huge goal, that I am actually about to freakin’ accomplish, and I want you to be excited with meeee!
I will post a link to the book here as soon as it becomes available, as well as share it on my facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/jugglingthejenkinsblog
Thank you for being interested in my stuff, it really means more than you know. And thank you for being a part of my journey. You may not realize it, but it’s people like you that inspire me to get my lazy ass out of bed each day and create content.
Me love you long time…
Tiffany Jenkins

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You Have To Watch This Message On Marriage. (Bayside Community Church)

Hi friends! I hope everyone had an awesome weekend.  Mine was great, thank you for asking. I did a lot of yard work, like, I raked leaves…With a rake, and put them in bags.  Basically this means that if you look up the word “adult” in the dictionary, you’d find a photo of me, smiling holding my rake.

Anyway, I also had the privilege of tuning into Bayside Community Church’s service live on the internet this morning (it still counts).

When I began watching, the Director of Next Generation Ministry, Matt Moore was speaking on marriage.

Realizing I need all the help I can get in that department, my ears perked up. Within moments I found myself laughing out loud.  Regardless of your religious beliefs, Pastor Matt’s delivery of the message was hilarious, inspirational and eye opening.  At times it felt as if I was watching a stand-up comic, and I was genuinely entertained throughout the entire sermon; which is rare for me, because generally I have the attention span of a 2 year old.

I was so moved by some of the points he made, that I decided to hop on here and share a few of my favorite parts.  Things that have not only helped me to see my own marriage in a new light, but things I feel anyone – regardless of their beliefs –  can benefit from.

He compared loving your spouse to caring for a vehicle, and for some reason those analogies made multiple light bulbs go off inside my head.  It was relatable, and allowed me to look at my relationship from a different perspective.

If you would rather watch the video itself, in it’s entirety,(which I’d totally recommend because this guy is awesome) than click https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FBaysideCommunity%2Fvideos%2F10154434345387681%2F&show_text=0&width=560“>here . (His message on marriage begins around the 32 minute mark). Otherwise, here are a few things I took from it that I believe will benefit my own marriage positively going forward.

“Marriage isn’t supposed to be a 50-50 thing”. “It isn’t supposed to be two broken people coming together to be whole.  If two broken people come together, you are gonna have a broken marriage.”

“You have to find your completeness and your fulfilment from Christ and Christ alone, then you can go find somebody that you want to do life with. That’s how its supposed to work”.

He referred to the vehicle he currently owns, and mentioned how it has many automatic features, including a back-up camera and alarms that alert him when he gets too close to hitting something.

He had become so reliant on these features, that when he found himself in a rental car with no back-up camera, he had a moment of panic.  It was as if he was driving a car for the first time and had forgotten what to do, he had gotten so used to the cameras and alarms, that he had forgotten how to do the basics- like checking his mirrors.

He said, “I think sometimes this is true in our marriages.  I think sometimes the longer that we are married, the longer we can begin to forget or neglect to keep doing the basics.  It’s like, we get comfortable in our marriage, we get complacent.  We forget to keep doing the things that caused us to fall in love with each other in the first place”.

Pastor Matt Moore then makes reference to the time he sold his brother his car.  He told him that “She runs great, but she needs an oil change. If you do that she will be fine”.

His brother never got the oil change, and the engine blew up.  All he had to do was spend $20, and the car would still be going today.  He then shows the parallels between this specific situation, and neglecting a marriage:

“What are the little things we can do today to fix the marriage, before it blows up?”  “What if we didn’t wait until there was bitterness and hurt and unforgiveness in our relationship? What if we were proactive and we actually took care of our marriage before we HAD to, before things started going wrong?”

Okay, so, here’s where it gets really good.

Pastor Matt refers to men being goal oriented.  How they will pursue a woman in the beginning,  and once they get married its like – “goal accomplished”. Men then begin to focus on other things: Career, achievements, financial future, etc. He says:

“Often, what happens is we stop meeting the emotional needs of our wives”. “Sometimes its easier to survive our marriage, than to continue to make an effort to pursue our wives.  But guys, then we wonder why our sex life isn’t what it used to be. We wonder why our wife doesn’t respect us like she used to, maybe its because we’ve stopped meeting her emotional needs”. 

*Mic drop*

And just as I began slow clapping and violently nodding my head like, “Yes, this guy is goooood”,  he said:

“But I want to tell you, you’re not out of the woods yet ladies…”

Crap.

“In the early years, there was never a moment when your man didn’t see you without makeup.  You were perfectly done up, you had the makeup going- I mean- you used to shave your legs, ABOVE the knee”. 

I laughed and my hand brushed against my leg fur, and all laughing ceased immediately.

 “Its like those days are over – I mean whos got time for that? I’ve got to juggle kids and life and business; and then you wonder why your husband doesn’t just sit and stare at you anymore”.

Well, dang.

“You wonder why he doesn’t snuggle up to you at night – listen- that hair stubble can be painful man, lets be real for a second, right? (Audience erupts in laughter).

“Here’s what happens – guys – if you don’t feel like your physical needs are being met in a relationship, maybe you need to go out of your way to make sure that you’re meeting your wives emotional needs.”

Ayyyyy!!!! That’s what I’m saaaayin Matty, thank youuuuu.

“Ladies you don’t feel like your having your emotional needs met by your husband, maybe you need to go out of your way to make sure you’re meeting his physical needs”.

Oh.

“A lot of times what happens in marriage/relationships is we play this dangerous game with each others needs. It’s childish, its dangerous, and it is not genuine love”.

“We get married and have kids and our lives become completely centered around our kids. What happens is, you wake up one day 18 years later and realize that your spouse is just a room mate”.

(This terrified me, because we are already in the pattern on focusing solely on our children, and the little bit of time we have to ourselves, instead of focusing on one another).

He ended with this, and I loved it…

“You don’t need to be out test driving when you have a perfectly good car at home. The truth is, she might have a few miles on her, it might be a little dinged up, maybe the car’s not as “shiny” as it was when you brought it home. But you know what? It’s yours”.

“If you just make the choice to invest in what you have, instead of going out shopping for something that’s not yours, it will cost you a lot less in the long run”.  Which I interpreted as: “The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it”.

I thoroughly enjoyed this message today and as soon as I finished watching I gave my husband a great big hug and kiss.  It was a nice little reminder, that we get so wrapped up in the day-to-day rituals and routines, that we don’t take a break to nurture the relationship and enjoy the little moments.  Getting regular tune-ups and oil changes on your vehicle is crucial and necessary if you intend on keeping it for a long time.

The same can be said for marriage.  Investing time, energy and love into the marriage today, will keep it from falling apart, and will ensure that it lasts a lifetime…

Did you attend Bayside Community Church’s service today? Did you watch it live? What are your thoughts on the message?

Bayside Community Church Website: https://mybayside.church/

Bayside Community Church’s Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/BaysideCommunity/?pnref=story

 

 

120 Days In – My Time In Jail. Chapter #20

 

Hey Friend!
There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me a typewriter on my 6th birthday.
The good news is, It’s finally happening! My book is in review on the Amazon Kindle website, and within the next few days will be available for pre-order! I know you are probably still mad at me, but I hope that you understand that this a huge goal, that I am actually about to freakin’ accomplish, and I want you to be excited with meeee!
I will post a link to the book here as soon as it becomes available, as well as share it on my facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/jugglingthejenkinsblog
Thank you for being interested in my stuff, it really means more than you know. And thank you for being a part of my journey. You may not realize it, but it’s people like you that inspire me to get my lazy ass out of bed each day and create content.
Me love you long time…
Tiffany Jenkins

7 Things I’ve Learned Since Becoming A Parent, That I Wished I’d Known Sooner.

According to Wikipedia.org, the definition of “parenting” is as follows: “Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.”

Jesus, that sounds serious.

I mean, that’s a lot of responsibility, and since it’s my job to “support” and “promote” all of those things, this means there’s a chance that I can royally screw it up.

When I first became a parent, I was clueless in regards to just about everything.  I have made lots of mistakes, but I’ve grown from them, and what works for me, might not work for you, it’s a learning process.

I’ve decided to share some tips, tricks and bits of advice that I wish I’d known sooner. Things that have not only made parenting easier, but also helped my children to flourish and become rad little people.

Get an app with toddler lock. Listen, if you have a baby, you know damn well that kid is scratching and clawing to get at your phone.  If you turn your back for 2 seconds, they are updating your Facebook status with baby-jibberjabber and liking the photos of people you were just secretly stalking. Babies are little geniuses and master the “unlock” patterns as soon as they exit the womb. Get a free toddler app like this and let them go crazy.  They can’t exit the screen, and this buys you time to wash dishes, talk to doctors or get 5 minutes of peace.

Purge, and purge often. All it takes is one holiday with relatives, and your house looks like  a Toys-R-Us exploded.  Chances are, your kid plays with the same 3 toys despite having 74 billion of them.  Kids will play with cardboard, shoes and toilet paper.  They don’t care.  Take a damn garbage bag in the kids room and stuff it with toys they aren’t attached to, or don’t even know exist, and take them to one of these places.  Not only will other kids benefit from your bag of goodies – but you will feel a thousand pounds lighter mentally. Trust me.

Make sure all your kids stuff goes back where it belongs. If I had a dollar for every freakin’ time I ran around this house like a chicken with my head cut off trying to locate socks, shoes, sippy cups and hair ties – I’d buy an actual person to live here and find the stuff for me. Like literally, purchase a human, I’d be that rich.  I now put things back where they go (most of the time), and while it takes an extra second to put it back, it saves me hours of pulling my hair out and shooting death glares at my kids as I run past them full speed, with a single shoe in hand.

Kids are smarter than you think  My son is 2.  When he finishes a meal, he asks if he can please be done, takes his plate to the sink and washes his hands – without me saying a word. Other times he collapses on the floor in hysterics claiming he can’t pull the blanket up over his legs. When they ask me to do something for them, I always ask them to first try themselves. Whether it’s toothpaste on a toothbrush or putting their own socks on, push your kiddos to do things they think they can’t, and both of you may be pleasantly surprised.

Proceed with caution when asking strangers in “Mom Groups” for advice. I learned this one the hard way.  After posting a photo of a red mark on my sons leg, a few mothers convinced me he’d been bitten by a Brown Recluse spider. I yanked him up, threw him over my shoulder and ran full speed to the car where we proceeded to speed to the hospital.  It was a pimple.  A pimple that cost me $4,500.  Thanks “Shelley” from Nebraska. If you are worried about your kid – call the doctor or a trusted relative. Don’t allow strangers in Germany to diagnose them based off of a photo.

Watch this video. If you don’t know what to do if your kid starts choking, (aside from panicking and swinging them around by their ankles). It’s under a minute, and may save a life.  Click Here.

Finally, Don’t answer all your kids questions. Whenever Aubrey asks me a question, instead of answering it,  I almost always ask her; “Well, what do you think?”  This allows her to get her gears turning, use her imagination and most times, come to her own conclusions. She is usually super excited when she answers her own questions, and it helps her to have confidence in her abilities and problem-solving skills.

 

That’s it for now, I’m sure I could think of a bazillion more, but it’s 11:00 p.m. and my son is refusing to sleep without me in there.  That’s another thing, I wish someone would have told me what a bad idea it was to put the baby in my bed with me.  It seemed fun at the time, but now I spend my nights getting karate kicked in the temple and punched in the eye sockets. I do love snuggling with him though, I’ll put him in his own bed soon, maybe, someday….When he’s 18.

Goodnight friends….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Quick Easter Message To Moms In Early Recovery.

Happy Easter my wonderful friends!

As I sat on the couch and watched my kids running around this morning, my heart filled with gratitude, my mind began wandering.

I began thinking about all of the moms in recovery, who are working to rebuild their lives, piece by piece.

The moms who didn’t have the opportunity to spend the night excitedly making special Easter baskets for their babies.

The moms who woke up this morning to heartbreaking silence.

The moms who wish more than anything that they could have watched as their babies gleefully popped colorful eggs open, their little faces covered in chocolate, giggling uncontrollably with excitement; but didn’t have that opportunity because they’re only just beginning their journey in recovery.

The moms who are busting their ass to repair relationships with their children after addiction.

I want you all to know that you have already given your children the greatest Easter gift they could ever hope to receive – you got sober.

I know firsthand the willpower, determination, resilience and strength it takes to put down the drugs, and head down the road of recovery without the one thing you’ve always counted on to make it through the days.

But you did it.

You may not see your children as often as you’d like yet, you may not see them at all.  They may be too young to understand, or they may be old enough to grasp what has happened, and hesitant to trust you just yet.

Either way, you have already taken the first and hardest step.  The blessings of recovery will come, but sometimes, they take longer than we’d like.  If you keep doing the next right thing, I can promise you that everything will fall into place, over time, in God’s time.  Trust in his process.

In case no one has told you lately, I am proud of you.  You are the definition of a miracle and have already overcome so much.  Please don’t be discouraged today, be grateful that you are alive to see this Easter Sunday, whether you have your little ones with you or not.

There is a lifetime ahead of you and plenty of time to make new memories.  Be patient, remain grateful for the progress you have made, continue taking it one day at a time and I promise, your life will be more beautiful than you can even imagine.

Where there is breath, there is hope….

Happy Easter.

 

 

 

120 Days In – My Time In Jail. Chapter #19

 

Hey Friend!
There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me a typewriter on my 6th birthday.
The good news is, It’s finally happening! My book is in review on the Amazon Kindle website, and within the next few days will be available for pre-order! I know you are probably still mad at me, but I hope that you understand that this a huge goal, that I am actually about to freakin’ accomplish, and I want you to be excited with meeee!
I will post a link to the book here as soon as it becomes available, as well as share it on my facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/jugglingthejenkinsblog
Thank you for being interested in my stuff, it really means more than you know. And thank you for being a part of my journey. You may not realize it, but it’s people like you that inspire me to get my lazy ass out of bed each day and create content.
Me love you long time…
Tiffany Jenkins

The Egg Hunt From Hell.

Hi friends! I am wide awake because ice cream sounded good at midnight, and we don’t have the kids (whaaa?) so I hopped my fat a** into the car and did a soft serve run.  I am on day 3 of my diet, so now that the ice cream has been inhaled, I’m feeling a little guilty.  Only a little guilty though, barely.

Anyway, I had a very eventful day today.  To say the least.

The children and I went to find Easter eggs at “The Annual EGGstravaganza”,  ( get it?). I was due to meet Aubrey’s grandparents there at 9:30 am.  So when I woke up at 9:01 a.m., you can imagine the chaos that ensued.  Children screaming as I ran in circles, half asleep, like a dog chasing it’s tale.

Chastising my husband for not putting Kaiden’s socks on fast enough while violently shoving various objects into the diaper bag and trying to get my life together- it was good times.

I wore my pajama’s to the EGGstravaganza.

Yeah, I sure did. Because I don’t give a damn. And also I didn’t have time to change.

We made it on time (because I’m a superhero), and headed to the “2 year old area” of the egg hunt. The announcer came over the intercom and told everyone that the gates were about to open, and when they did – I s**t you not, all hell broke loose.

I thought I was at the Running Of The Bulls for a second.  People – mainly moms– were elbowing and shoving people to get into this damn gate.  I pulled Kaiden close to me, for fear that he might get whacked with a purse or rammed with a stroller.

These people were acting like the building was on fire and they were trying to escape. I had never seen anything like it and honestly, I was shocked. Like, listen Rebecca, these children are 2 years old and have no clue why they are even here, no need to hurl your kid over the wall and yell “Get in there and make Mommy proud, Tommy!”. Calm down.

When we finally entered the Gates of Hell, I noticed that eggs were randomly placed in various spots on the ground in order to make it easy for the tots to grab them and secure them in their baskets.  I saw a small pile and excitedly exclaimed “There you go Bubby! Go get some eggs!”.  Kaiden’s face lit up and he began trotting toward the spot.

Out of nowhere, this Mom and her son, hand in hand, cut Kaiden off at the pass and dove to the ground as if they were sliding into home plate.

They scooped the eggs up and began high-fiving one another, until the mother spotted another pile, and with a newfound determination and a wild look in her eye, she grabbed her son by the wrist and yanked him in that direction.

What, in the actual hell, just happened. Does this lady realize that she isn’t on an episode of American Ninja Warrior? It’s a damn egg hunt, for 2 year olds. I stared for a moment in complete shock, debating on whether or not it would be appropriate to knock her unconscious with an empty Easter basket, until I saw the confused look on Kaiden’s face and that snapped me back to reality.

My heart broke a little imagining how excited he was for those eggs before they were snatched up right in front of him.  I suddenly felt determined to get this kid some eggs.  I took out my earring and cracked my knuckles, then squatted down until he and I were eye to eye.

“Now you listen to me, son.  We are gonna get you some friggin eggs, okay, and they are gonna be the coolest eggs on the whole planet.  Then we are gonna open them, and eat the hell out of whatever is inside.  Now I want you to get out there, and show me what your made of.  On three! 1…2…3…break!”

Kaiden and I took off like horses out of a gate. Chloe clung to the sides of the stroller for dear life as I whipped and swiveled in and out of groups of people. Kaiden was trotting beside me with his war face on as we headed off on our mission. We weren’t leaving here until we got the goods.

“Kick him in the shin, Kaiden! Grab that egg!” I yelled as Kaiden and another child ran toward the same pink egg sitting alone on the ground. I cheered triumphantly as Kaiden rose from the dust holding it up.  “Put it in the damn basket let’s go!” I yelled over my shoulder as I charged forward toward the last remaining eggs, sitting alone in the corner, unclaimed.

I heard the clicking of heels on the ground next to me.  I glanced over my shoulder and saw a flash of blonde hair.  Hell no.  Not today Suzie, those are mine.  Chloe squealed with delight as I took a sharp right to cut her off.  I don’t even know where Kaiden was at this point, honestly.  I was on a mission to get my kid some friggin eggs, and if these mom’s wanted to play dirty, I was happy to oblige.

“Really?” soccer mom said as I began running full speed.  They were so close. I could see the shiny plastic glimmering in the sun as I approached.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I made it to the egg pile.  Out of breath and beaming with pride, I bent down to grab them and suddenly realized; they were empty.  An impatient child had apparently opened their eggs and seized the candy, leaving the discarded shells and wrappers here, for me to find.

I took a deep, defeated breath and tried to center myself.  I am an adult.  These are just eggs.  We can get them at the dollar store. Get your life together, Tiffany.  Also, where is your son?

Shit.

My son.

Panic rose within me as I frantically began searching for Kaiden.  “Momma, lookie me!” I swiveled around and realized he had been 2 feet away from me the whole time.  He was crouched down next to a bush and closely examining something.  I ran to him — thankful that he wasn’t kidnapped or trampled by a pair of Louis Vuitton’s — and I scooped him up into my arms and squeezed him.

I’m sorry we didn’t get you any eggs Bub, when we leave here we will get you some of your own, okay?” He had no clue what I was saying, he’s 2, but it made me feel better to say it. “Lookit Mommy, eggies!” he said, pointing to the ground near the bush.

His basket was sitting behind the bush – that must have been what he was looking at – and the inside of his basket, was filled with eggs.

My heart leapt from my chest. I don’t know how the hell it happened, where he got them, or if any children were hurt in the process, but he did it.  He got his Easter eggs, on his own.

As it turns out, some of the eggs had tickets for free bikes and theme parks, which somewhat explains the ravenous egg hunting mothers, but not really.

It ended up being a great day.  Kaiden and his sister gathered around a table and enthusiastically pulled their eggs apart to reveal the hidden goodies inside, (none of which were tickets for a bike, FYI).  We had delicious snacks and the children ran around the playground while periodically munching on Easter candy.

Did Kaiden have a blast at the egg hunt? Yes.  Did he know that at a few different points, his life was in danger? No.  Will I stick to strategically placing eggs around the yard and avoid mobs of crazy moms in the future? I’m not sure.  However if we do go to this event next year, I’ll be sure to wear running shoes and pack Pepper Spray.

Happy Easter, friends!

kgu

 

 

 

120 Days In – My Time In Jail. Chapter #18

 

Hey Friend!
There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me a typewriter on my 6th birthday.
The good news is, It’s finally happening! My book is in review on the Amazon Kindle website, and within the next few days will be available for pre-order! I know you are probably still mad at me, but I hope that you understand that this a huge goal, that I am actually about to freakin’ accomplish, and I want you to be excited with meeee!
I will post a link to the book here as soon as it becomes available, as well as share it on my facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/jugglingthejenkinsblog
Thank you for being interested in my stuff, it really means more than you know. And thank you for being a part of my journey. You may not realize it, but it’s people like you that inspire me to get my lazy ass out of bed each day and create content.
Me love you long time…
Tiffany Jenkins

A Letter To My Pregnant Self About Having A Baby. (With Pictures)

 

Hey Tiff,

Congrats on the news! Woohoo! A baby. Terrifying, amirite?

Listen, I know right now you are a bundle of nerves.  You are currently experiencing every emotion known to man and are in desperate need of guidance.  Since Mom is in heaven, (and we obviously can’t call her there, which is stupid) I am here to save the day!!

I have some information and tips that I’d like to share with you, in hopes of preparing you for this exciting new journey! I’ve included pictures, In case your “Mom Brain” is in full effect and you don’t want to read words. Okay, here goes!

 

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Girl, the beginning is glorious.  You are gonna take 800 selfies of your fine ass, impressed with how cute you look pregnant.  You will imagine how your body is gonna snap back into shape once the baby is born and be the hottest M.I.L.F. in town….Okay, that’s fine.  Live in that moment. Just….yeah.  Good for you and your confidence.

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Buy some maternity pants asap though because, shit’s about to get real.

 

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Yeahhhhhh, so, staying in shape while pregnant won’t be as easy as you thought…It’s actually really friggin hard.

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Pregnancy is a great excuse to eat a lot.  You will use the term “I’m eating for two”, a few times too many.  Also, maybe don’t eat cheeseballs at 3:00am…every night.

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Sooooo, remember how you, um, thought you weren’t going to get any stretch marks because you were gonna lather yourself in coconut oil? Yeahhh. It didn’t work.

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There will come a day, when you desperately need him out of your body.  That also happens to be the day that time slows down, and every second feels like an hour and every hour a year. You will spend hours googling: “How to self induce labor” and will try numerous ridiculous tricks to get him out.  It won’t matter. Spoiler alert: He’s gonna be a week later.

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On that day you will decide that you’ve changed your mind about him being out, and would like to keep him in.

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But he’s a’comin whether you like it or not.  Which you will, once you hold him on your chest.  Also, I hope you weren’t too fond of celebrating your birthday, because from now on you two will share a birthday.

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Don’t worry, you didn’t accidently give birth to an old man.  All babies look like senior citizens in the beginning.

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Just when you think your husband can’t get any sexier, he is going to hold your son for the first time.  You are going to fall in love all over again ….Until it comes time to change diapers, he will lose some brownie points there.

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Okay, so, this is an important one.  Make sure his, erm, “part” is pointed downward in the diaper. Otherwise you will get pissed on numerous times a day and wonder if your baby is broken.

Also:

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One minute you are gonna be watching Dr. Phil, and the next, your breasts will become engorged and you will leak like a Faucet.  Put some breast pads on when you get out of the hospital.  Trust me.

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Okay so this one kinda sucks. Your “baby bump”, doesn’t go away just because the baby is born.  I know, FML right? It’s okay, it will over time. Give yourself time.  Enjoy the moments following the birth, instead of obsessing about your weight.  It’s a waste of precious time.

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Although this will be right around the time Facebook Memories reminds you of your pre-baby body.  DON’T LOOK AT YOUR FACEBOOK MEMORIES! – Yet.

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Speaking of, there are gonna be days when you do your hair and make up – even though you aren’t leaving the house – just to feel beautiful, because at times you will feel anything but.  That’s okay.  You do you girl.

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You are gonna freak about every scratch and bump on the skin of this new little being you’ve been entrusted to care for.  You will send countless photos pleading with your cousin to diagnose him over the phone.  He will be fine.  Everything will be fine. Chill.

You will soon discover that your husband is just a big kid.  Resist the urge to “correct” his parenting style.  Let him find his own way, and create his own bond with the child.  Let him be Dad.

Make sure you have plenty of storage on your phone, you are going to need it.  A million pictures of him in the same position will soon become the way you spend your free time.

Speaking of photos, you will keep your camera pointed at your sleeping child for about 7 hours a day, in an attempt to catch his adorable sleepy little smiles.  Although there are more constructive ways to spend your time, you will treasure these pics later, so stalk away!

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Hey, so, I know you’re a big fan of sleeping, bad news, those days are gone my friend.

The good news is, you get to dress him up in fun outfits on holidays, so, there’s that.

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Try not to get him started with electronics too soon.  It seems like a good idea at the time, but before you know it he will be throwing himself on the floor screaming, demanding you put Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on for him.  Sometimes you will, just for a moment of peace. And by sometimes, I mean all the damn time.

The next bit is really important, it’s actually the reason I’ve decided to write this to you.

You are going to blink once…..

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And it will be his first birthday…Blink again…

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And it will be his second.

Time flies by faster than you realize, and one day you wake up and…

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Your baby, isn’t a baby anymore.

Treasure. Every. Moment.

. You are going to spend so much time worrying, wondering, obsessing and stressing.

You are going to spend way too many hours scrolling through Facebook and not enough staring at his face.  Put the phone down, and hold him instead.

Rock him, sing to him, embracing his crying and wipe his tears. Smile when it’s time to make him a bottle, enjoying the moments when he wakes you from sleep to comfort him.  In those moments, he needs you. 

One day you will blink, and he won’t anymore.

You are going to experience frustration, resentment, anger, hopelessness and anxiety throughout the early years of his life.  You will question whether or not you are cut out to be a mom.  It’s important that you know that it’s okay to feel that way.  You will also experience joy, giddy laughter, pride and a love for him that will intensify each moment that passes. Your heart will become so full of admiration that it feels it will burst at any moment. You are going to be an incredible mother.

Anyway, congratulations on the pregnancy.  You are gonna do great, seriously.  There’s one more thing I need to tell you, in the spirit of preparation….

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You’re not done yet…