Trigger Warning – Death of a loved one.
I wanted to update everyone on where things are in my life, but I also feel like I want to keep most of it private and close to my heart. I will try to word this in a general sense, rather than speak specifically about my relationship with those involved.
The word “hospice” never fails to send a chill down my spine. It’s so much more than losing a loved one. It’s tear-soaked eyes, hushed voices, unanswered questions, anger, exhaustion, prolonged emotional agony, wondering, wishing……..Waiting.
My first encounter with hospice was when my grandmother was sick with cancer. I was in my early twenties and had gone to visit her. I remember laughing as she pointed the television remote toward the large glass window on the opposite side of the room, mumbling incoherently about the television being broken. I thought she was being silly, but when I noticed that no one else in the room found it as amusing as I had, I realized that somehow in the span of two days, she’d forgotten what a television was.
My mother explained that she was comfortable and at the end of her life, so very soon she would no longer be able to speak. She comforted me by reminding me that my grandfather, as well as my paternal grandmother would be waiting to welcome her at the gates of Heaven. She urged me to talk to her and say what I wanted to say before it was too late. It felt awkward and uncomfortable…So I didn’t.
Less than a year later, I stood beside the bed of my 47-year-old mother as she drew her last breath. This was my second encounter with hospice. Cancer had taken her at an offensively early age and a startlingly short time. On her last day I opened my mouth to say all the things I needed to say to her before she was gone, but the words wouldn’t come out. At this point I was hopelessly addicted to drugs and unsure of what to say. I wasn’t there for my mother during her sickness and couldn’t “bear” to see her in such a frail state. So, I stayed away.
I’ve forgiven myself for most of the things I’ve done while on drugs, but my lack of action during this time she needed me most is unforgivable–for now anyway.
Six years later, I was sober and present for my father as he laid in the hospice bed, resting peacefully at the end of his life. He had waited for all of us to leave the building before he took his final breath, but we were lucky enough to hold his hand afterward and say goodbye. I imagine he was already drifting to his next destination at this point, but it still felt healing to kiss his forehead one last time.
I hadn’t once managed to say the things I needed to–or should have said. I never wanted to have those conversations with them because it would be acknowledging the fact that they were dying. So instead, we had surface-level conversations and danced around the giant elephant in the room. When they were gone, they were gone and all that remained were all the unspoken words that will forever live in my mind with no place to go.
My mother had met and married a man when I was nine years old. He was a police officer, and my sister and I lived with him and my mother full time. He stepped up to raise us when my father wasn’t able to. He was there for my fifth-grade graduation, my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak. He drove me back and forth to my first job, cheerleading practices and cooked my date and I a delicious meal before the homecoming dance. He taught me how to drive a car, cook a killer egg sandwich, and most importantly, how to love another person’s children as if they were my own.
After my mother passed away, My stepfather eventually remarried and decided to retire from the police force and move to a lakehouse in Georgia. He allowed my family and I to move into the home he was leaving behind here–for next to nothing. He just wanted to know we were safe.
He has a name, but from the time they were born my children called him grandpa. I’m sure my father and mother wouldn’t have minded, but even if they had, I wouldn’t have been able to get the kids to call him anything else. They adore him. We visit him at the lakehouse often and have created some memories that will last a lifetime.
As I stood by his hospice bed this week, holding his hand and making jokes to lighten the somber mood in the house, I decided to do something different than I’d ever done.
The words flew from my lips with urgency and determination. I thanked him for all of the things he had done for me over the past 27 years. I promised him my children would know him, assured him we would keep his memory alive, and told him beautifully personal, sacred and special things that I won’t share here. He responded, “Take care of my grandbabies for me”, and many other heartbreakingly moving things that I may not have gotten to hear if we hadn’t had this conversation. We acknowledged the truth about what was happening with him and cried together for a bit before he drifted back to sleep.
My tears were not tears of sadness. They were tears of joy and peace. For the first time in my life I was able to leave nothing left unsaid with someone I cared deeply about… before I missed the chance.
I’m sure my mother was there to meet him with open arms yesterday when he left, and by now he has probably told her all about how silly, loving and adorable her grandkids are.
Experiencing loss changes a person forever. Experiencing the loss of most of my core family members puts me in a strange position. At times I feel lost, uprooted, orphaned, alone and heartbroken. But I know my family wouldn’t want me to cease existing in their absence.
So, I will continue to march on, telling everyone I love how much I love them as often as I can. I will always say the things that need to be said and give the compliments that need to be given. I’m going to drop the people who bring me anything other than peace and joy, and love those remaining folks as fiercely and urgently as I can.
This post was mainly a way for me to get my thoughts out onto paper, but also, I suppose, a gentle reminder to surround yourself with people who bring you joy, tell them how wonderful they are as often as you can, and never, ever, ever, feel embarrassed or ashamed to say what you feel to the people you love while you can.
Thank you for your patience with me as I navigate this season of my life.
Tears running down my face. I know. I know. About all of it. Thank you.
Bless you for taking this step, teaching your kids this. We say all these lovely things to babies as they grow, but older people need to hear how your world was made better because of them. His legacy lives on in you and in those kids. Thank you for sharing. Grief is tough, it’ll get you at inopportune times. That’s OK. Feel the feels. Cry. Mourn. Celebrate. Praying his memory remains vivid to you and the kids. Hugs.
So sorry for you loss but what an amazing journey you have had and I am sure your second dad will tell your mum what an amazing woman you have come and also your children. xx sending you lots of heart healing at this hard time. You truly are an amazing inspirational woman xx
Your post was heartbreakingly beautiful, Tiffany. I also struggle with knowing what to say during these times. Your words are so helpful to remind us all to tell those that we love how we feel about them. Thank you for being vulnerable. It makes being human a little easier knowing we aren’t alone when life is hard. Sending you and your family love. Your step-father sounds like an incredible person! 💗💗💗
Thank you for that. Many are out there that are thinking of those that left them and they did not take advantage of telling them what they should have. You worded that perfectly. God is taking care of you and your family I’m sure.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with love, loss and grief. I have tears running down my face, but it was beautifully written. Hugs , love and peace of mind to you and your family.
I feel this! Sending so much love and hugs. You are not alone
Thank you for sharing your experience. I know exactly how you feel. I too dont have any core family left and it can make you feel very alone. Remember you are not alone. You have your beautiful family who loves and needs you. I hope you have made peace with yourself and realize you have nothing to feel guilty about. Sending good thoughts and positive energy. You are an amazing person by continuing to keep being you honors their memory!♥️♥️
Thank you Tiffany for your heartfelt words! I think sometimes we get so busy with life that we forget just how short and precious life is. But when someone dies it’s a reminder to never take your loved ones time here on earth for granite. To visit them as much as possible to forgive when they have hurt your feelings to be kind and loving to each other and to spend as much time you can together laughing and living life to the fullest. I’m so sorry for your loss. I will pray for comfort and peace during this difficult time in your life and sending you a great big hug!
I’m so very sorry for your loss Tiffany. I know it’s hard here on you & the rest of the family but just think of the Reunion he had today seeing God, then his beautiful wife & family that have already passed!!
Tiffany I pray you can feel all the thoughts & Prayers going up for you & your beautiful family & I pray you can feel God’s loving arms wrapping around each one of you giving you peace, love & understanding. I love you Tiffany & you & all the rest of the family ❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻
Wow I have no words in me to put what I want to say. R I p to your late stepdad, I’m sure he enjoyed every moment of his life being your dad. But it’s not over yet and you’ll see him and at least you know he’s not alone up there. Love and respect to you and your family, and stay strong.
I am thankful for your humor and how real you…today I am thankful for sharing such a beautiful thought and reminder. Sending prayers to you and your family 🙏
How very brave you are to love and embrace your grief…you have said goodbye to so many loved ones and it is very sad that so many have already gone on….Im so sorry Tiffany, it must be so difficult to say goodbye so many times….I hope their spirits embrace you somehow and you feel the warmth of their love even in the absence of their bodies, they are with you.
You do exactly what you need to do Tiffany. We’ll all be here, when you return, when you choose to do so. God bless you and your family at this tough time. This is the first time I’ve ever written to you. I have enjoyed your videos immensely and shared many…. wishing you roses and soft paths…..💕
I too sat with my father the last 11 days of his life with cancer and choosing hospice. Unfortunately after he died in 2008 I lost control of my life. I chose drinking and negativity. Obviously anxiety and depression snuck it’s way in. I am finally at peace. I did say and beg for his forgiveness before he passed on. He sent me a grandson to love on nearly 9 years ago. I still struggled. But this morning my daughter messaged me she is on her way to hospital to have our 4 grandchild. I have 2 grandsons and a granddaughter and we don’t know what bundle of joy we will get. My daughter chose it to be a surprise.
I caught your live today and read your blog. Oh the memories of my Dad dying in front oh me flooded back. But the tears aren’t sad. You helped me remember the important things.
My mom advised me a few months ago…. Chesha, when you’re stressed or depressed focus on “the important things” …. Not the house being clean… be thankful to have one… who cares about the laundry, be thankful you have clothes. Don’t get annoyed when your in-laws living with you mess up the kitchen or their dog makes you crazy, be thankful they are still alive and can spend time with their great grandkids.
Today or tomorrow I will be blessed once again with a piece heaven and my dad, boy or girl.
He turned 63 May 13, 2008 and died 6 days later. My birthday is in May, Mother’s Day is in May. I use to HATE May.
14 years later you blog gives me the strength and truth that I am not the only one who went through that type of pain.
Thank you. My heart is full.
I look forward to when you are in the space where you can laugh and joke around. Take all the time you need. Only YOU will know when it’s time.
Sending you love, light and Aloha
Chesha
Thank you for sharing. It’s so hard to put into words how loosing love ones changes us. You did a beautiful job.
We lost our mom to cancer in 2011 & our baby sister to the same cancer in 2016. Both times we spent their last days here together as a family. Although heartbreaking, we are blessed to have been together as they left this world.
Prayers to you & your family as you go through part of your journey in life.
I couldn’t help but cry as I read your story of sadness but of joy too. Thank you for sharing your story
I just lost my little brother a couple months ago to a stroke. He was only 41 and left behind a beautiful wife and two amazing children, as well as a ton of people who loved him dearly. He was in hospice but never woke for me to talk to him…I would’ve loved to have the chance you had to say goodbye properly. Good for you…I’m glad you took the opportunity this time. I feel your pain and pray you regain your smile again, somewhere down the line. Love you, girl. ❤ Stay blessed.
Thank you for sharing this. I, too have lost both of my parents at a young age and watched my dad pass away and also feel rudderless and like an orphan but I always try to look for my parents in my children. As they grow I can only hope they love me as much as I love them. Please accept my condolences and thank you for always being you and showing me it’s okay for me to be me.
Absolutely beautifully said…I realized by your words that when we can’t say the things that we truly want and need said, some of us punish ourselves through addictions. Drugs, alcohol, sex, food etc to distract ourselves from being able to accept that we let ourselves down when it really counted. Luckily you figured it out before your addiction roared it’s ugly head again. I’m hoping to now do the same. Thank you for sharing this wonderful gift you gave your step-dad and yourself…and now to us ❤
My condolences to and your family. I so understand where you are. I had the most amazing Step Mother, she was genuinely the only parental figure in my life that showed me how to love others with Agape love, unconditional love of God I was blessed to have her until she passed about 6 years ago, ❤You and love and light hugs to you
You are such a special person. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt memory. My dad passed in 2008, and I miss him every day. I am so happy he and I had an amazing, normal, funny, sweet, loving, teasing conversation with him the night before his sudden passing. I’m so glad you got to have those moments with him. Your memories, especially the dear and funny ones, will carry you. Much love and many hugs!❤️❤️
So wonderful that you were able to say what you wanted and needed to say. I’m so very happy for you. Thank you for sharing this with us. It is an important reminder.
Thanks so much for sharing cuz I to have been in the same situations esp with my mother at 55 she passed away just as I was getting to know her she died of a stroke but while in the hospital before they pulled the plug was trying to get ahold of my twin sis and I but I just cudnt do it for the same reasons as u and still have not forgiven myself and hate that I stayed mad at her for so long but cherish the memories we did get to make and am so blessed for the time she spent with me n my son and my niece all got to see and know the kind hearted innocent beautiful soul that she was…I would look at her and realize we would make the same faces or do the same gestures or nervous habits…I know she’s looking down on us and is one of my guardian angels I just can’t wait for the day that I will be able to make her proud…I love you Ma n miss you so much….so sry for your loss as well and hope u find some Peace in knowing they are all in a better place…God bless u n urs and Happy Easter to u n the kiddos also thanks for always putting a smile on my face when I needed it…u r such an inspiration and I wish one day I can achieve half of what u have overcome..love sent ur way
I’m so sorry for your many losses, but most especially this recent sad loss. I’m glad you got to share your heart with him before he passed, I know it meant a lot to you both. Prayers for you and your family to get through this rough time in your lives. 😪
Thank you for sharing your life with us Tiff I really appreciate it. I am going through a very tough situation with my mom right now.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your videos are always filled with stuff to make us laugh, but this posting reminds everyone that you also go through tough seasons and need support. I will be praying for you as you navigate another season that is different than the last. I am so glad you chose to share what was on your heart with your dad!! It meant so much to him and you also will treasure the memory!
As my mother lays in her hospice bed at the young age of 67 due to cancer as well, hearing your words have given me the extra strength I have needed to be with her so close to the end. Tell her all the special memories and remind her that no matter where she is, she will always be in my heart.
I am sorry your family has to go through this loss. My heart is with you. I am so glad you said all the words that sometimes are left unspoken. It takes so much strength.
I would really just like to say thank you. Thank you for writing this. Sometimes it can get very lonely when you care for a loved one in hospice. Thank you for giving me strength and making it feel not so lonely ❤
Beautifully said, thought provoking and powerful. I truly believe that although time stops physically, energy lives on. Congratulations for stepping into your strength and finding the words now.
You may not have been able to say all of the things lingering in your heart before – including the “sorries” you felt were needed to be said, but somehow they know. Energy rides along it’s connecting path forever.
Knowing what you know now -imagine if one of your children were in your 20 something year old shoes, having the same struggles as you were… Imagine you were the one laying in that Hospice care bed. *You would know deep down, that no matter what was happening in your kid’s life, they love you and they’re just trying to figure it out too, and hope & pray for their safety
All you can do is give the wisdom & love you have, then set your birds free.
Your mom, dad, and your grandparents are proud of you. They accept your apology. Wouldn’t you of your children’s?
Of course.
Hugs to you, you are amazing, we all appreciate you, we wish you peaceful healing. 💖
I feel this all too familiar pain on a daily basis. I lost my baby brother to brain cancer on March 26 and my mother 20 years earlier. Almost to the day. My sister 2 years before her and now here I am, left holding the bag all alone having to pretend it’s all ok. It’s rough, annoying and lonely…..but you wanna be alone. Ugg, I don’t even know what. Just know you are not alone.
Feeling all this on a very personal level….❤ hugs, so many hugs
This is currently happening with my mom. Cancer sucks! Thank you for your words as I’m struggling a few different ways. I always enjoy watching you and laughing and I enjoyed reading this at the perfect time. Much love to you and your family.
My heart is with you . Sat on both sides of this story and feel the emotions you have shared .
You are strong .
Cherish the memories .
People only really leave us when we stop talking about them ❤
Thank you for a gentle reminder to let your heart run free and to not leave things unsaid. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. As you know be gentle with yourself during this time.♥️
Sending you so much love and light.
Thank you for sharing your incredible life and experiences with us, truly I am moved and inspired by you.
May you and your family be comforted and loved and you ho through this really tough time. Xx
Thank you. I’m so sorry for your sorrow.
I am So sorry for your loss. But what a beautiful message of life and love . Thanks so much for sharing .
Thank you for sharing this. I pray that your mom knows everything you wanted to tell her because that would mean my dad and my step-dad know everything in my heart.
Thank you for all you do… much love, Valerie
Thinking of you and holding you in the Light! May beautiful memories bring you peace during this difficult time!!
Beautiful words filled with love from the heart. May God grant you peace and comfort at this most difficult time. Thank you for sharing.
Yes…thank you so much for writing and deciding to share this. I know all of this. Be well friend.
All my love & prayers. I am so sorry. Warm tears running down my cheeks. Thank you for sharing.
Today is the 7 year anniversary of my best friend dying… 7 years and three weeks ago I looked her in the eyes and told her she was my best friend and I loved her more than anything and that has been my greatest peace and now I make sure I tell everyone everything… I’m so glad you gave yourself that peace a well ♥️
I lost my mother 10 years ago suddenly when I was in my 30s, then 8 months later my grandmother.
I did get to tell them anything that I needed to.
I think your post brought back some of those feelings and I’m so grateful you had a chance to tell your bonus dad how you felt. Sending you hugs.
I’m so sorry for all of your losses! I’m so glad that you got to tell him how you felt. I pray that you receive “the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your mental powers”. Ephesians 4:7 I am proud of you and all your progress!💗💗💗
This is so beautifully written. Heartbreaking. Joyful. Sad. Forgiving. There are so many things I left unsaid..to my dad, my mom, my “other” mom.
I wish we were all wired to every day “treat loved ones as though it’s the last time we’ll see them”. But, in reality, we just aren’t. We live our lives, we do the best we can, and try to realize that our loved ones wish they had said everything they wanted to as well. But in the end, there’s love. And we know. And they know too.
Beautiful words, what an amazing memory. You are in my prayers as you & your family continue to heal., God is so good ❤️
Wow thank you for sharing this with us. I had tears just pouring down. Still do. It triggered so much trauma of losing loved ones, trauma I thought was gone. Within a 2 year span, we lost 6 people to cancer, pneumonia/dementia, hep c complications and car accidents. For the ones that we could say goodbye to, I never knew what to say. I would freeze. Or an ICU nurse would walk in and I couldn’t talk. What do you say to someone who is about to leave? How do you pour your heart out, while also refusing to acknowledge the elephant in the room; Death. Tiff thank you. Really. You wrote exactly what it’s like to experience the death of a loved one. And for those of us who have trouble putting these things into words, you made it make sense. ❤️
Your words are written so beautifully Tif, praying for your family!
Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. We just lost my grandpa in February of this year. I was able to be by his side and tell him thank you for all he did for us and thank you for being a good grandpa and that I love him. I’m glad you were able to share everything you wanted to say with your bonus dad. I pray you will experience God’s peace and comfort right now as you grieve. God loves you so much.
Here is a touching song that has comforted me in the past:
Beauty for Ashes
By Crystal Lewis
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs heavy oer your head
Know that tomorrow brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fearGladness for mourning
Peace for despair
When what you’ve done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings
Wholeness and healing
God knows your need
Just believe what He said
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound I’ve been set free
I’ve been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see
He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair
You are amazing and a good example for anyone who is lucky enough to know of you. These words you’ve spoken (written) are true. I lost my brother to cystic fibrosis in 2008, and lost my sister to breast cancer in 2018. There’s so much I wish I would have said to both of them… Life is short and tomorrow isn’t promised. Thank you for being so awesome. Much Love
I am so sorry Tiffany. Losing a parent is hard and weird…especially when it’s the only parent you have left in this world. I’m so glad you were able to tell him how much he meant to you before he died. What a blessing for you both. Peace & Prayers to you and your kiddos and family. 💜🙏🏻
Sending Luv, hugs, & many prayers! Take your time mending your heart ❤️. We’ll be here waiting with open arms! Thank u 4 all u say & do!! 😘
Thank you for being so open about something so personal and pivotal in your life. It is dear to me reading this.. not because ive experienced hospice.. because i havent. Ive actually lost all the people who meant the world to me in my absense and abruptly. I didnt get a chance to say goodbye to any of these beautiful souls who made my life today possible and have all added their version of hope by sharing their amazing light.
I think you are helping people cope and heal with these beautiful, sad stories. Tears are popping out my eyes like crazy reading this.. you are so brave and so kind.
Much love always,
Cher
wow Only me would typo my own name as my eyes were a bit blurry .. maybe a lil cute funny to add to someones day 💕
I’m never moved enough to comment on social media posts. I saw this on Facebook and followed to your blog because you have made me laugh with your frank and funny stories about managing self-expectations, fears, and family. I wept as I read this story, you have been through so much loss and my heart aches for you. I hope you know sharing your experience will help others navigate the heartbreak of watching the end of a loved one’s time on Earth. I’m grateful you had an opportunity to say goodbye and I’m sure your words were received as a precious gift that helped eased his passing. Thank you for all you give back to the world. You are a blessing.
Sorry for your loss.I know that you and your Bonus Dad had a special bond. The loss of a loved one is so bad. I lost 5 family members in 7 months.That year was the worst of my life.Thank you for being so open. My heart is with you.
I just lost my mom this January. I had the privilege to have her in my home the last 6 month’s of her life. Thank you for your post. God has given many Blessing in this life.
First I am so so sorry for your loss. You are right losing a loved one can be very devastating and to watch them slip away little by little each day is heartbreaking. Tomorrow is not given and I realized that when mu Sister passed away very suddenly at 52. That’s when live changed forever. Say what you mean and mean what you do. I didn’t get to say good by and say the things I wanted to but I do now.
Sending love and prayers to you and your family. Take time for yourself. You will know when your ready and we all will still be here for you because you are so loved by all of us and so so many more. You truly are an inspiration!!
Beautifully said and because of your wise words, I will definitely take your advice!! It’s funny how we’re afraid to tell people how we feel about them!🤔 Thank you for the reminder that kind words need to be said and heard xo
I am a hospice nurse. I have been blessed to watch loved ones say goodbye. Some heal past hurts, some make peace, some laugh with wonderful memories, all are incredibly beautiful moments. Thank you for sharing your journey.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my father a couple of years ago. He was in my home on hospice. I had the privilege and honor of taking care of him for the last three weeks of his life.
Recently, my beloved grandmother passed away and I had the privilege of being there as well. They will be sorely missed, but the memories I have are even more precious.
Anyway, my must sincere and deepest condolences to you and your family.
Hi Tiffany you have a lot of comments so not sure if you’ll get to read mine but I wanted to say first how sorry I am for your loss it’s unimaginable losing a parent and also not being able to say all the things. I also have lost three seta of parents and all the grandparents and you so feel alone like how come I don’t get that time with them it’s not fair!! Just wanted to let you know your not alone and we’re all here for you and sending you so much love!! ❤️❤️
My momma, in stage 5 Alzheimer’s dementia, waves to Dr. David Jeremiah on the television. I wave with her.
We are never promised a life without struggle, but a life well loved makes up for it.
I’ll hold you close to my heart.
Tiffany you are amazing women. And your story has made me cry. Never leave anything left unsaid is a great reminder to really appreciate people while their here. I too regret not saying things to people or thinking things would be better if they weren’t here. But realize I’m selfish and my family is important regardless if we get along all the time.
So sorry for your loss. As a hospice nurse I encourage all family members to speak to them. Hearing is the last to go.
First, I would like to say I’m so sorry for your loss and I know there isn’t anything that can be said to make it better.
I lost my mom a little more than 4 weeks ago to cancer. She was home on hospice and only 62. She was my best friend. Thank you for your words. I’ve been struggling so much and your words have helped me.
Beautifully said! Your words resonate with me as I’m trying to navigate through my own loss. I know how important those last conversations are! Thinking of you, and so very sorry for your loss!
I have felt for a long time that when really pivital things come up in your life, there is always signs that pop up. I have been dealing with words as well, but in a different context, what I should say or if it would even help or if I should at all. And then your post came across my feed and feel like….yep, I know what I need to do for sure now. You never know what kinds of things can help other people. SO I say thank you for putting yourself out there like you have💞❤️🩹💖
You are such a light in this world . Thank you for being you! I love seeing your videos and your writing hits my heart like a letter from a friend. Love and light to you and your beautiful family.
Im in tears right now 😢😢 just alot of what youve gone through I have too… Loss is never Easy😢 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
This is absolutely beautiful and brought me to tears. My heart aches for what you are going through and am inspired by your ability this time around to leave nothing left unsaid.
Thanks for the gentle reminder and sharing of your journey right now. Going to see my parents tomorrow (90 & 88) every time is an opportunity to tell them I love them and let them know how grateful I am. Needed this so much. ❤️
I admire your strength and humility. You are lovely and I wish you nothing but peace and happiness xo
Thank you♥️
Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel. ~James Taylor
Thank you for sharing, especially this: “never wanted to have those conversations with them because it would be acknowledging the fact that they were dying. So instead, we had surface-level conversations and danced around the giant elephant in the room. When they were gone, they were gone and all that remained were all the unspoken words that will forever live in my mind with no place to go.” I lost my Dad last year, slowly over many months, and this is exactly how I handled it – I retreated into “act normal” because anything else was too intense. It was like having to look at the sun – I couldn’t do it straight on. I’m living with terrible regret now because of this, and it helps to know that I am not the only one to deal with the loss of someone they loved in this way.
❤❤❤❤
Yes, friend, yes. Thank you for sharing your life with us…all of it. Your authenticity and vulnerability connects us all to you. You have a family in all of us. 💜
So much of what you post has helped in my own journey with my sister who is in recovery, and in my endeavors to break generational traumas in my own family. Thank you for keeping the light on.
Thank you for sharing your sad journey. Sending Hugs and Heartfelt prayers for your healing. May ALL of their memories be a true blessing. <3
I’ve been struggling with the recent loss of the only parent I had left. I’m trying to grieve this loss healthier than the first, without alcohol to hide the pain. I know the pain is part of the process to eventually be as healed as I’ll ever be but it’s so hard. Feeling orphaned in my 40’s is silly but that’s exactly how it feels. Thank you for your openness and honesty. It would be so much harder feeling alone with all the other things floating around in my brain.
I am so sorry for your loss❤️ Thank you for sharing your story and wow, growth and healing beautiful lady💜 I cried while reading this and am still crying as I write this. I pray that you be wrapped in comfort and love and peace knowing what an impact this will have not only for you but your children and so many others that will read your story. I will keep you and your family close in my thoughts and prayers🤍 I don’t often comment on what I read but felt compelled to, because wow,🙌🏼 yes!!
So sorry for your loss. Here’s a poem that helped me after my Dad died… I think it’s beautiful
THE DEATH OF A PARENT
by Linda Pastan (1985)
Move to the front of the line a voice says, and suddenly there is nobody left standing between you
and the world, to take
the first blows
on their shoulders.
This is the place in books
where part one ends as, and
part two begins,
and there is no part three.
The slate is wiped
not clean but like a canvas
painted over in white
so that a whole new landscape must be started, bits of the old still showing underneath those colors sadness lends
to a certain hour of evening.
Now the line of light
at the horizon
is the hinge between earth
and heaven, only visible
a few moments
as the sun drops
its rusted padlock
into place.
My dad just passed in January. This made me drown in tears. I’m so sorry for your loss and I thank you for your encouraging words.
Tears. Well said.. . And I am so sorry for your loss and I relate so much. I appreciate your realness…very refreshing to have tbat soul authenticity .in this world full of artificial superficial produiced coldness. I want to post the following .that helped me with grief… and i hope this reaches you and anyone needing the message
Response To Person Grieving For A Friend Might Be The Best Internet Comment Of All Time..
“Blog post>I’ve just lost my friend and I don’t know what to do…
—-
Reply :”
Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”
Hope this reaches you and anyone
struggling with grief. . Its such a shape-shifter. Thank you for writing this and allowing us all in… its tremendously intimate and real and courageous.
Bless you and your family. You help …so many much more than you know. I wanted to share with you and anyone who reads this …i have struggled with panic attacks… grief…addiction .. and i found this one night during one of my panic attacks and its forever helped me …Response To Person Grieving For A Friend Might Be The Best Internet Comment Of All Time..
“Blog post>I’ve just lost my friend and I don’t know what to do…
—-
Reply :”
Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”
And wow I didn’t think the my first comment posted. . Oy.😳,I apologize for now looking like a ..a weirdo . Lol.
Prayers for you and your family. Thank God you have His peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ You help so many people everyday with their own personal journeys and I hope you find comfort in knowing you have an army behind you here and we love you so much ❤️
As I write this with a lump in my throat all I can say is….I know. You said everything perfectly and more importantly… you got to say it how you wanted to say it. Sending you love and peace!