Hello, my name is Anthony (Tony) and I’m an alcoholic.
I was a typical teenager who would party with friends, smoke weed, and drink A LOT. It wasn’t until I was about 20 years old that I really hit the bottle hard. At the time I lived with my cousin, who is also an alcoholic, so vodka was always available to me. He would always buy it so of course I’m gonna be like “Hey free alcohol!”
I knew I was an alcoholic but I was able to go to work and pay my bills so I just didn’t care.
I didn’t know how to have fun without it. Yeah, I dabbled in some other stuff like shrooms, molly, acid, cocaine, and meth but that stuff for me was just to experiment with once or twice. Alcohol was always my #1.
On my 23rd birthday, I got kicked out of the local bar and got myself an OVI (operating a vehicle under the influence). Since it was my birthday, all my friends plus complete strangers were buying me non-stop pitchers of beer and shots, and of course, I couldn’t say no to free alcohol.
At the time I thought that was my lowest point but no it gets worse.
Still not learning my lesson, I continued to drink constantly but I was still a “functioning alcoholic”. The year I turned 26 the way I could live my life “normally” changed forever.
I started to develop chronic anxiety. Not just me worrying but I’m talking full-blown panic attacks that would make me feel like I was having a heart attack.
Anyone with anxiety knows that when you start to feel like that it makes your panic attack worse because you think you’re dying and it’s a vicious cycle.
Alcohol was the only way I could get my panic attacks to go away so I started to drink more and more. I didn’t realize that I was just making my anxiety worse. Drinking would take care of my anxiety for that moment but as soon as the buzz wore off then BAM, I was hit with nothing but panic and fear.
I spent 2 years seeing doctor after doctor.
I was put on and off so many different kinds of meds, feeling like a lab rat. Finally, a doctor prescribed me a med that took my anxiety away without drinking, Klonopin. That didn’t stop my drinking though. It just helped me get through times that I didn’t have the money to buy alcohol.
I was warned about the risks of drinking while taking Klonopin but once again I just didn’t care. Last year in 2020 was when I really did hit my lowest point. I had 13 different jobs throughout the course of the year because I was always too drunk to go to work or I was calling off from being hungover.
I also ruined 5 different relationships in 2020 from them not wanting to deal with “drunk Tony” and the fact that I would blow so much money on alcohol. I ended up alone, homeless, and just wanted to end it all.
I finally decided in December of 2020 that enough was enough.
I had put my mother through so much and hurt so many people including myself. It was like I had this awakening after all these years. I said to myself “enough is enough”. I went to a rehabilitation center and checked myself in.
I went from rehab to now living at a sober living facility and I’m so happy I made the decision to do what I did. I haven’t been this happy and healthy feeling in YEARS.
I’m saving up a lot of money, working a great job, and going to the gym. When I first checked myself into rehab I thought my social life was gonna be over. I never thought I was going to be able to have fun ever again but man I was totally wrong.
Now in 2021, I’m living the sober life and I love it.
***DISCLAIMER: This website, jugglingthejenkins.com, is not affiliated with any specific recovery program. Different avenues work for different people.***