***Trigger Warning: Mentions self-harm, molestation, and rape***
As I sit here in prison, I think back to when I was in my addiction and how I thought I would die using. I couldn’t imagine myself ever getting sober.
I am so thankful for my Higher Power (God) for letting me live after twelve overdoses, being in the hospital with MRSA in my blood and lungs, and surviving countless dangerous situations while homeless. I am also grateful to Him for putting me in this “time out”.
Before being introduced to drugs, my first addiction was self-harm.
I started cutting when I was thirteen years old due to depression, not feeling right about myself, and after being molested and raped. After about a year or two of cutting, I started drinking and using drugs.
When I was seventeen, I got really bad on meth. But I quit cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant with my son. After my pregnancy, I started drinking every single night.
A year later, I was introduced to oxycodone. A doctor prescribed it because of a toothache. I quickly fell in love. During the next two years of my oxy addiction, I had my daughter, got married to the man who introduced me to oxy and moved from California to Arizona. After a year of living in Arizona, my husband talked me into using heroin instead since it is so much cheaper.
About five months later, I started slamming.
My life went downhill from there. My kids and I were living with my mom when I first started using needles. She quickly found out, gave me a couple of chances to stop, and when I didn’t, she kicked me out and kept my kids.
At that point, I honestly didn’t care if I lived or died. I was so reckless in those first six months that I overdosed ten times. For the next three years, I was in and out of the hospital and jail.
I was finally arrested for the last time in October 2017 and sentenced to four and a half years in prison.
A little over a year into my sentence, I was clean, but I wasn’t working a program or doing anything for my recovery. When my closest friend moved yards, I was so upset that I immediately wanted to get high.
Fortunately, thirty minutes after she left, there was a Heroin Anonymous meeting and a Crystal Meth Anonymous meeting later that night. Ever since, I have been working hard on my recovery.
I found a sponsor and got into a twelve-step-based recovery class that they offer on the yard called, “Wellness in Recovery.”
After that, I took the twelve-step recovery-based class called, “A Way Out”. Three times I’ve been asked if I would become a facilitator, and I gladly accepted.
On top of being a facilitator, I am also a sponsor and a grand sponsor. I am so lucky to have the privilege to watch women transform and grow in their recovery and to help them along the way.
I am so grateful for what Heroin Anonymous and the steps have given me! Yes, I am in prison, but I have never felt as free as I do now. Aside from my freedom, I am genuinely happy. I have peace in my life.
I love myself, and I actually have hope for my future.
I made a promise to myself that I am going to help as many women as I can while I am here. I want them to have the freedom and sense of serenity I have gotten from this program.
I get out of prison in three months. As scared as I am, I am also ready to get back to my two children and family. I have worked very hard to find out who I really am and to become the best mother, daughter, sister, and productive member of society that I can be.
Once I get out of prison, I am going to become a recovery support specialist, so I can continue helping those who are still struggling with their addictions. I cannot wait to be a part of Heroin Anonymous in the real world.
One of my goals for the future is to get into H&I, so I can bring meetings into the prisons and county jails once I am allowed to. I want to show prisoners that they can turn their lives around while they are locked up. Like I did.
My life has purpose and meaning again.
Author’s Update: So I wrote this while I was still in prison. I have now been out of prison for 8 months. I’m still going strong in my recovery! February 15TH I celebrated 3 years of sobriety! I have my kids back! I have a job and a car! Every Saturday my oldest and I are a part of a homeless outreach! I give back to those that are in positions where I once was.
***DISCLAIMER: This website, jugglingthejenkins.com, is not affiliated with any specific recovery program. Different avenues work for different people.***
This is so powerful!!! Thank you for sharing! ❤️
Congratulations! It is definitely no small feat to come as far as you have , to get back and give back. You are an angel . I believe that those of us who have come out the other side we had to do so to be able to do Gods work . As people we need to help each other and maybe we can all start healing and preventing .
Thank you fir your story!!
Hey you! I just want to say I am so proud of you, you have came a long way and I have seen your ups and downs, but your making it, and doing the dang thing! Congrats, work it girl, a lot of people need people like you in the world!!! 💜💜💜
POWERFUL STORY THANKYOU
I don’t this person at all but for someone who has over come so much I am proud of you for that! And reteaching your kids a better of life and the help they can give to someone else!!
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯!
You go girl! So happy for you!! Really! God bless you!
So inspirational! I’m a case manager at a homeless shelter. I see so many people with addictions every day. Sometimes I just feel helpless no matter how much I try.
Congratulations! I wish you all the happiness you deserve!
How wonderful to not only have turned your life around, but to help other do the same. *crying* With all the badness these days this is just the type of story I wanted to read. Well done Nicole!
I have been clean for 12 years but it’s still a big fight everyday i stay stressed out and I feel like I can’t go on some days dose it ever get easy?? 12 years and I want it more then anything somedays 😢 I don’t talk to anyone or go to meetings maybe that’s what I need?? Thank u for sharing this!!
You are one of the most beautiful people I have been lucky enough to call my best friend…I am so proud of you. Leaving the yard that day was definitely the worst prison day I had but thinking that it helped you find the path you are on today warms my heart! I look forward to the next year when our kids are able to finally meet and we can enjoy our awesome sober lives closer together. You are amazing! Love you! Your BF! Xoxo
I am so proud of you. Your story is powerful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing! Always keep your head up. One day at a time!
I love this story so much. It just goes to show the power of the mind… we can conquer anything we put our minds to! You have proven that to the world! I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you. Congratulations on the amazing life you have created for yourself. ❤️
God bless you Nicole…your a strong woman you have overcome so much!!! Take care and keep up the good work .
Congratulations on claiming your life back. I wish you all the best. Keep inspiring others, your making a diffrence in peoples life everyday!
Xoxoxo
I was emotional reading this…so dang proud of you!
How did you explain your addiction and your 3 year absence to your kids? How was all that integrated? My daughter is facing similar situation and have no idea how to jump back in to mom life
You are stronger than you know…and you shine brilliantly with hope and a gift to share with others…you will be the most wonderful Mom to your kids …they have seen your struggles…but life is real…and you have provided them with the best gift ever…your own recovery…and the need to help others…God bless you…and I send you strength .and wise wisdom to stay the course…and just continue being you….sent with love …and human kindness…
Congratulations! You give me hope!