My story did not begin in an unusual way for a teenager. It started with weekend sleepovers with a group of friends during which we would creep out the back door once parents had gone to sleep; sneaking sips of wine and hits from a joint through quiet laughter.
I thought I was having the same experience as everyone else.
It wasn’t until years later that I was able to see it clearly. They were enjoying an occasional bout of extra fun & rebellion: I was finding solace, my own nirvana. And as time passed, my desires increased. At first, this occurred unnoticeably, quietly, the way paint blends together on a smeared pallet.
I slowly shifted from the friend group I’d had growing up into another.
Our hobbies included drinking, smoking weed, eating mushrooms & taking acid.
Parents, teachers, and peers never batted an eye, we were simply seen as “hippies” or “free-spirited” to ourselves and others. With these people, I felt content, as though I was my most authentic, adventurous self.
When I was 15, amidst the foggy haze of partying, I became pregnant. The situation wasn’t completely consensual, the age gap wasn’t legal, and for many years I remained in denial in regards to exactly how profoundly this affected me. I did not have the baby. In the months that followed, my behavior became completely unfamiliar to me and the speed of progression became quicker than ever before.
I drank on a daily basis after school and I tried any drug that was offered to me, including crack/cocaine and a variety of pills.
This remained mostly socially acceptable within the group of friends I had, allowing me to tell myself it was just a wild, teen phase.
During my junior year, I started dating a heroin addict. I was completely oblivious as to what the next 5 years of my life would become. All I could see was that I cared for him, he was in trouble, and I naively believed that simply supporting him would help him to break free.
I was unable to see that I was an addict myself. I didn’t have a needle in my arm, I did my drugs at parties with friends, and I went to school every day.
How was I an addict?
It was during the summer following my junior year that everything unfolded. My family and even my friends were awestruck by my behavior. After a season of desperate attempts to separate me from the situation, the people in my life were helpless.
When fall rolled around, my parents set the boundary: either seek treatment or leave home. I remained wrapped in denial as I moved my belongings to my then boyfriend’s trailer.
I attended only the first month of my senior year. My withdrawals would begin by the 4th hour, leaving me drenched in sweat, twisting and curving my body around the chair.
I told myself, “I’ll just miss today so that I can go with him to get our dope & not be sick.”
But I never went back.
I should’ve been there, standing beside them, the friends & classmates I’d grown up with. I should have been shouting goodbye to our high school years.
Instead, I watched from my phone within the messiness of a syringe-filled room, just me & the flies on the ceiling.
Neither of us had jobs or a car. We lived 20 minutes away from Detroit, where we bought our dope. We spent every day finding a ride to go to stores, steal things, return the things or pawn them, and use the money to get dope.
The house was a wreck: it was nearly entirely void of food, always full of teenagers & adults using heroin. Eventually, there were so many 911 overdose calls, we were considered a liability to the trailer park & asked to leave.
At some point during this, at 17 years old, a surprise intervention came from my family. Their tears filled me with the most immense sense of self-loathing and guilt I’d ever experienced, convincing me to agree to my first rehab.
Over the next 4 years, I would go to 11 rehabs, 6 sober living houses, and 1 homeless shelter.
I would move cities, I would move states, and I would even briefly move out of the country to stay with my dad in China. I would be hospitalized for several overdoses and a combination of hepatitis & liver failure.
From the start, around month 3 of my heroin use, I remember thinking, “This is the most desperate, pathetic way a person can live.” And yet it seemed inconceivable to exist any other way.
Each time I tried I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. The restlessness and depression were all-consuming, physically and mentally. They followed me everywhere.
Eventually, I began to notice a pattern: when I drank, it was always heavily, and without a doubt ended in a spiral of drug use leading back to heroin.
It seemed impossible to accept the fact that as a young adult I’d have to remain completely abstinent from all substances.
How could I have a social or dating life? How was I supposed to let go of the friends I’d had for years knowing that 2 of them had already died? But most of all, how was I supposed to be a functioning member of society without having learned a single skill to do so?
At 21, my mother asked me to go to rehab for the 12th time. I had been couch hopping every day, unsure of how I would find a bed to sleep in or food to eat. I told her that I didn’t believe in myself & she needed to let go. She said, “Just 2 weeks so I can sleep at night.”
Something clicked. I don’t know why or how but it did. And I asked myself, “What if I just tried everything they ever told me and gave it my best shot?” So I did.
I walked away from who I used to be.
I let go of all my friends. I exercised, journaled, read, and meditated every day. I joined a program to complete my diploma. I started working as a waitress. I found a small but loving group of friends who don’t live a lifestyle of partying in any capacity. I joined a yoga class. And I attended weekly therapy.
I am almost 22, and I have 7 months clean. At some point, the cliche happened, “the obsession was removed.” Heroin no longer haunts every moment in my mind.
There are days it feels less doable than others, but I feel it. I feel sad, I feel uncomfortable, I feel out of place and restless and that’s okay. That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned in recovery; you have to allow yourself to feel the pain. It’s temporary. And it’s the pain that helps you grow.
That is so awesome! Your strength and perseverance is amazing. God bless and stay strong!
God bless you!! Stay positive and always want more for yourself. Life is a gift and you are beautiful & definitely loved by your family. Mom never gives up & will always be there for you. Good luck!!
May I ask how you handled the withdrawals and the depression? They say as many years as you did drugs it takes that much time for your brain to recover back to normal. Although I have always had depression
.
I am so happy for you…genuinely happy that you are not caught up in the vicious cycle of addiction. It must feel liberating. I hope you continue on your new path and are able to live a life free of drugs and the devastation they cause. Best wishes, beautiful girl♥️
You are a blessing and your story is such an inspiration. You are loved beyond words and thank you so much for sharing.
You go girl … I believe in you that’s something the things that we don’t hear … But I am very proud of you … You are a very lovely lady and I wish u well in all .. ps your mother and family love you alot u got this girl…
You are a rock star!! Stay String, stay connected.
Much love 💘
Love this. An inspiration.
I hope you know how lucky you are. The fact that you didn’t give up is an inspiration in itself and I hope others learn from your story. I watched my brother lose his battle and my other brother currently still struggle. I wish they had your strength.
Thank you for sharing your story. So many people are without hope, and you just gave us that gift…the gift of hope. We are thankful for you. May God continue to give you strength and may you know His deep and unconditional love for you. After all, He gifted all of us with YOU.
I related so much to what you shared our stories are so similar and it really hit home for me! God bless you on your journey into sobriety! ❤
You keep fighting the fight girl. Life is a struggle but it sounds like you got the strength needed to be very successful now!! God Bless you!
Wow! You are so inspiring and a really great writer. I was enthralled the entire time.
Beautiful girl… one life … stay strong .
After watching my brother pass away from liver failure due to his constant alcohol and drug abuse , this made me sick and sad. Sad that he was a year younger than me and never wanted any more from life. We tried to help him until one day after we buried my dad I sad this is it. I need a break. We had buried the 4th plot at the cemetery which was within 5 and a half years. Yea all 4 filled with who was suppose to be at each spot. He was the final. I told my Sister we are done. We have finished this job. 2014,2015,2017 and final 2019. My mother dealt with alcoholics all her life and she was truly tormented by this. To anyone reading this that struggles ….stop and think why am I doing this to my family ? My brother and I was very close growing up and had hopes until finally I know the hope was mine not his. God Bless
I have two adult daughters who have battled addiction for the past 5 years and from a mommas point of view I can’t tell you the pain we also go thru. Helpless. With nothing to dull the pain other than prayers and 100% faith that God will get us thru even if we get “the call”. I am SO PROUD of Emily!!! She chose life!! Not just for her but for her family who very obviously are totally in love with her! What a gift!
Emily,
I’ve known you for years. You are my daughters best friend, who is also in recovery for heroin. But I never knew your real story til reading this. Nothing surprises me anymore with heroin addiction, but seeing your experiences in words brought me to tears. I wish I could put in words how proud I am of you, because I know as best as I can as a non-addict, just how hard it is to slay that dragon. I know this because I have lived it for years watching my own child struggle just to survive each day. You have turned your life around, and to watch you both blossom is a true honor and blessing! I’m so blessed to have been a part of your recovery journey, and I want you to know that I am always here for you as you continue this journey called life. I know you will do great things, and I truly hope that you both will pay it forward by guiding another lost young girl like yourself to realize her worth and to sobriety. You have so much to offer this world, especially in addiction, and I can’t wait to see you continue to grow and evolve into the beautiful young woman you are!! I love you! Your second momma ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Your story sounds so familiar. Your story of your life . Was most of my friends .. and was my two best friends in my whole life. My friend Jon and my other friend Cheri. Who I intraduced and they were a couple for so long they eventually got married. As the both spiraled in the same way. My Friend Jon was like my brother . We did everything together before he started using. Funny thing was his dad was a pastor and Jon at one time did not even drink beer. Cheri grew up the same way I did. Both from a broken family. Brought up by our mothers. Jon and I lived together most of our teenage life. Once everyone started doing heroin. I moved as far away as I could and stopped talking to everyone for like fifteen years. Except for Jon and Cheri. We would always talk and see each other like one every month.. They would boost from department stores at the malls. And thats where I got most of my cloths and my daughters cloths. I still went to the mall and bought the things we wanted and needed. They got so bad that their color of their skin hasmd a green and yellow ting to it.. that’s when I had to cut them off completely. Because if my daughter. She was most important.
I’m 16 days sober after excessively drinking for 8 years. I’m bawling right now because everyday I wonder if I can make it through how uncomfortable I am and how I think about alcohol every other thought. Thank you for saying that you are finally not ruled by it and that feeling everything is actually a beautiful and important part of recovery.
Stay strong! You can do this! I was a massive binge drinker who used alcohol and eventually drugs to deal with depression and social anxiety for years until nothing mattered but the booze and drugs. I’ve been clean for over 5 years now and some days are still hard but they are so much fewer and farther between. YOU are worth it! YOUR FUTURE is worth it! Just take every day one at a time and get as much support and love as you can! Only you know what works for you so trust your gut and don’t let others try to tell you what’s best if it feels wrong. Much love!
All I can say is thank you.Ive lost family and friends to this.as I was growing up in MI.i had 2 roads what one to follow was hard.Then I woke up and realized I was worth more then the bad road.Im happy that you share what your life was and who you are now.Im proud that you found yourself.Cause without yourself wanting to Know one can.Still to this day I wonder if id still be here if I toke the bad road.I just want to say good for you.Good for you to realize your worth more then junk.May you always stay strong.And kick it’s evil little snaps that try to come at you.Good for you.Happy to see you strong.
God bless you! Your a survivor, warrior. Lost my nephew to heroin. Life is beautiful.
Happy for you. Keep the faith!! I have loved ones who are where you were. It is soooo heartbreaking.
You are beautiful, you are worth it, and above all KEEP GOING!!
I’m 31 years old and I wasted 15 years of my life in this chaos…
Today I am 18months sober from heroin… and all drugs and alcohol, even cigarettes… the things I have accomplished in such a small amount of time blows me away still to think of where I was 18 months ago…
You are exactly where you need to be! Keep fighting and the sky is the limit!
I just read your story it’s beautiful. I also believe in a sober life and I stay away from everything bad or unnatural.
Now you found the love of your life and you two are going to heal and grow together ❤️ you both have the best interests for eachother and its clear to see.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s rare that people are open and expose their pasts rather than hide it or remain in their past.
You’re your best self each day you fight for your sobriety. You’re strong and should be extremely proud of who you are and where you’re going.
Still young and about to be happily married to another beautiful soul such as yourself.
Congratulations! You can do it…one day at a time.🙂
Congratulations! So glad you made it out to the safe side! Keep up the good work!!!
Amazing! Keep sharing your story my friend!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
So happy for you.
Amazing story, beautifully written! And so many congratulations to
You! 🖤
This is so awesome !!!!!
What a wonderful testimony of what can happen when someone believes it can. You are a beautiful gift to the world.
Thanks so much for your story, it gives me hope! 2 of my 5 adult kids are addicts and the fear and sadness I have about their lives is a deep hole of grief. I am so happy for you that you could finally surrender to the help and do this incredibly hard work. It’s not an easy road but you can stay the course. It’s sounds like you really beat it. Keep the faith. If you can stay clean, you’ll never believe what your life turns out to be like.
You are queen! Thank you for sharing your story. I felt your soul and it is beautiful. Stay well, you got this!
Congratulations!! U got this girl! One day at a time
There I was a CNA working in a nursing home when I met him. He would steal over to my floor every chance he got and so began our relationship. It seemed he was always borrowing a $10.00 for “medicine” or something and me knowing nothing bout drugs and never seeing him use thought nothing of it. He was an undercover heroin addict. New years Eve 1998 I convinced him to let me try what he did, as I finally found out and reluctantly he let me. I just wanted to be a part of his world so bad, I mean how bad could it be? Fast forward 1 year, bouncing from houses, stealing to support our habit now, and my daughter of 4yrs is now being raised by my parents because I’ve become unreliable, which is the opposite of who I ever I was. Continue to fast forward I’ll never forget meeting this beautiful at the time young blonde my age and she says you need money fast? Stay right there and watch and she jumped into a strangers vehicle and in 10minutes was back with cash. The next car was mine and this became how I supported us over the following 2 years. 1999 I was arrested and spent 11months in jail awaiting judgement and got out on Drug court and messed up. 2001 I met someone who helped me get clean, into a 30day inpatient and then after 3months of continued sobriety sent me on a bus a few states away back to my family. That was many years ago and I’m thankful everyday I’m clean. I was addicted to crack and IV heroin and cocaine user, and booze. I’m one of the lucky ones and I can say this with real feeling. I walked away pretty much in one piece and I thank God, my higher power that He was watching over me til I came to my senses.
What an amazing story of resilience and strength. Recovery is a journey to find yourself and love yourself. Prayers for you recovery and future success. You are a beautiful human and God has his hands all around this.
Your story is inspiring and brings hope to those still suffering. Keep doing the next right thing. You’ve got this and you are worth it!
I dont know you, but I am so proud of you. I am so happy you chose life and that you can finally feel again. I have never been an addict but i teared up reading your story. Its inspiring !
Amazing! An incredible story that was written so beautifully. Thank you for sharing.
Girl you got this! You got over the biggest hump, now its all mental & your doing all the right things. You should be proud of yourself. Thank you for sharring! God Bless💛
I don’t know you but as a fellow heroin addict with 17yrs clean, I’m so proud of you! We have a very similar story, as do most of us. Thank you for sharing your story and remember how strong you are always! You are gorgeous 🥰🥰
This was wonderful reading. I too am a recovering heroin addict, and I would never wish that addiction upon my worst enemy. It takes over everything you are and consumes you. So happy you found your way out! Congratulations!
Emily, this is heartwarming to read. You made the brave decision to get well, with the love of your family. You should be very proud of yourself. Wishing you all the happiness in the world. Stay strong xx
My name is Kayla, and boy did your story hit close to home. I am now 33 and been clean for 2 years, I was addicted to heiron for 4 years started with pills, just every now & again though oh it won’t happen to me (becoming a addict) but I ended up after about 9months to a year of using pills. It took me 4 years but I am PROUD to say I am clean, I have my own apartment, a car, & my kids back. Your story is like so many others and it’s sad to say but it is.
Yessss gurrrl!!! What an amazing achievement! I’m so happy for you and impressed by you. What a great inspirational story. You’re a gorgeous person
I drink a 5th everyday but it’s at night and I tell myself it’s okay because I wake up everyday and take care of my kids I drink I know I don’t need to but I like it it helps me relax every time I’ve gotten pregnant I stop cold turkey but my youngest is going to be 4 in April so I’ve been drinking daily for four years straight I know I have a problem but idc I function I work and I take care of my kids so what’s so bad!?
You go girl!! I went thru addiction with just pills and my story is a little different but I felt that so much!! Stories like ours, makes my heart smile big everytime!! ❤️😁💪🏼👏🏼
You’re a beautiful inspiration. You have an immense talent for writing.
Emotions are there for a reason and numbing them keeps us stuck. By feeling all those feelings as painful as they may be, you e allowed yourself to move forward and live. Life is feeling everything and allowing ourselves to accept our human side. You are so brave and I pray that you can continue to walk through life with feelings and hope as you have made the biggest contribution to yourself and others by sharing our recovery story ❤️ You are amazing. Thank you!
Typo- By sharing your* recovery story.
This was very well spoken. I can definitely relate to a lot of the things you said. I am going on 21 months clean now off of meth and pills. This is the longest I have been clean in my entire life. I am 33 and have been using since I was 14. I have total faith in you that you can & will do this. One day at a time.
Emily….May I say you have an inner strength that makes you a survivor. You also have a gift for expressing your pain and the turmoil of addiction. Perhaps you might consider a Creative Writing class because your way of writing is captivating. Keep on trucking up the hill of success.
I’m so proud of you ❣️ Ty for sharing and koudoos to your moma !!! She really loves you ❤️Your story is somewhat like my sons and he’s no longer with us due to heroin🥲 I miss him so freakin much 🥲 . So, ty for getting clean for yourself and your family ❤️
You are amazing and a massive inspiration to those who feel there is no way out. I could feel the dark turn to light in your story when you made the choice to get clean🙏🏻 I hope and pray my baby brother will find his way out of the dark abyss he’s living in. I’m always here waiting when’s he’s ready💕🙏🏻 So much happiness and continued health to you.
Awesome recovery story. I have never had an addiction but my son went through a period in his life that took away 9 years. He has been clean for over 2 years. I thought it was hopeless and would never happen. Hang in there. Having a strong support group and loving family is definitely a plus. Remember someone always loves and is praying for you.
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Beautiful story. I don’t know what it feels like, but I can imagine it is a terrible feeling and situation. I commend you for what you have done. It’s not something for the weak. Keep it up girl
You got this stay strong and watch the beautiful things that will start to come into your life. ❤️❣️❤️❣️
You’re beautiful and such a talented writer! Keep up the amazing work! Proud of you!
What a great story of recovery and perseverance to become more than another statistic. I’m so proud of you. Continue to stay on your path. Believe in yourself. Stay focused. Continue to feel the pain because the only way out is through! You have so many cheering and praying for you. You can accomplish anything now. God speed and keep up the great work you’re doing on yourself.
I’m so happy for you and proud of your strength and courage.as a daughter of a addict. Sadly lost my mother through alcoholism. At her age 58. Please continue in your journey of recovery. You will not regret and life will be come amazing. Sending love 💓
I am so happy you were able to find your way out of that life. You are an amazing person and your struggles will help tons of people. Keep going and be the beautiful person you want to be.
Amazing story! Never go back!
Yes girl🥰 proud of you
M…..I am in total tears after reading that …You have not only inspired me to be a better person and work harder to be my best but also impressed me on your level of intelligence And writing ability …you have a book inside of your heart ..” write it “
You are simply AMAZING !!!! Adorable and the ability to be even Greater than you have already become …. I’m very proud and honored to know that I know you but that my own daughter Riley is instrumental in your success ..and was there for you she makes me love her more ( if that’s possible ) for her efforts as well …. if there is anything i can do just reach out 24/7
“ Riley’s Dad “
Thank you so much, Greg!
You have shown yourself how strong you are. Congratulations on your sobriety.
So so glad you have found yourself in this place. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Enjoy the little things in life. We lost my older sister to an accidental overdose of prescription pills and alcohol. She had been an alcoholic for many years. She was 46. Life can be difficult at times….but it is only temporary.
Emily, this brought me up tears!! I am so very proud of you for telling your story and for remaining sober. I love you!❤️
Congratulations on what you have been able to accomplish. I have a son that has been dancing this same dance for 11 years. He has tried everything but always goes back down the same dark rabbit hole. Keep up the good and what I am sure is not an easy work. Head high, never look back. You will continue to succeed.
Emily, I am so proud of you. I never got to meet you but once when you were very little, and both your parents were still together. I was never very close to everyone in our family. I love your mom, and your dad, whom is my cousin. Our family has definitely had its fair share of struggles and addictions. That being said, most families do.
Your strength exceeds what you have overcome so far. You are so young, beautiful, strong, courageous and truly have the rest of your life before you. How inspiring and Strong of you to be so authentic, and to open up and share this raw truth with the public. It’s necessary for others to hear, to be inspired. I hope for continued healing.
I live in Clinton Twp, with my three boys. I’d love to meet you sometime, you are always welcome to come for a visit, a meal or just to hang out. Ask your mom about me, & bring her along!
We will be rooting for you and praying for you. I have no doubt you will do amazing things with your sobriety. Keep strong, love yourself patiently and kindly. YOU GOT THIS EMILY!!
You are amazing! Wow. Keep going. Ine foot in front of the other; one day at a time.
Good for you, Emily! Keep going girl. Just one day at a time. You have an incredible story. Thank you for being so brave to share it. Thank you for being so brave to get clean. I’m sending all the good vibes and love your way. ❤❤
Keep going!! This is amazing that you’ve done this!!
This is truly amazing and so are you ❤
Thank you for being brave enough to share your story! When life throws them stressful/painful situations into your life always remember that getting high to deal with whatever it may be will only make what you’re going thru in life a million times more stressful and create 100 problems on top of your already existing problems! Take it one second, one day and one meeting at a time!
WE DO RECOVER!