TO THE PEOPLE WHO SAY I’VE CHANGED…

I realize I don’t owe anyone an explanation, so I’d like to get that out of the way first. I am completely aware that I am not responsible for how people perceive me — especially when their perceptions are askew.

Full disclosure, this isn’t for them—it’s for me.  Why is it important that I defend myself? In the grand scheme of things, it probably isn’t at all. However to me, in my life right now, it’s huge.  It’s so huge in fact, that it’s keeping me up at night and overpowering my thoughts.

So I am putting this out there, and I’m doing it for me.  In publishing this, I am giving myself permission to release the unbearable heavy weight of trying to please everyone. I can’t and I never will. So I will type this, and bid these feelings—and those who have fallen out of love with me, adieu.

To The People Who Say I’ve Changed:

You are damn right I’ve changed. 

In May of last year, One year and four months ago, I was a mother of three working at a carpentry company.  I made a silly video for no reason other than I felt like it—and it went viral. 

That was never my plan…

Eleven months later I had 1 million supporters. 

In the four months following, I acquired 1.5 million MORE supporters.

In one year, and four months, I have been blessed with over 2.5 million followers.

That was never my plan.

I was not expecting any of this and frankly, I was completely unprepared. However I was grateful, honored and joyous over the fact that I had finally—found my calling.

I loved making videos, and people loved watching them. So much so, that in order to keep up with “demand” of continuing to do so, I decided to quit my job at the carpentry company – one of the scariest most liberating decisions I’ve ever made.

The thing is, making videos, brightening peoples days, and spreading awareness became my mission – I loved doing it. However my husband was working overtime to pay the bills, and truthfully if it wasn’t for Patreon, I would have had to stop and go back to work.

With a large number of supporters, comes a large number of people reaching out to me. So for those of you saying I look tired, or I don’t care about you because you reached out bearing your soul and I ignored you, I’d like to give you an inside look into my world.

This is from tonight, from my email—one of 5 inboxes…. observe the frequency of the incoming emails…

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 I have thousands of unread messages in IG and FB as well…

 

 

I can tell you one way I’ve changed…I am filled with so much gratitude that people are reaching out to me, I am honored they open up the way they do, but I’m just one person. And it is constantly in the back of my mind that I am unable to respond to everyone bearing their soul in my inbox.

As an empath, it kills. Especially with subject lines like this:

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Have I changed? Yes, I feel like I am letting people down on a constant basis. It weighs on me daily, and makes me feel depressed and unworthy of this incredible platform I’ve been given. There are days where, in order to keep my sanity, I steer clear of social media all together.  I have to.

I have recently been called names and unfollowed because I did a few sponsored ads. I need to put this into perspective for all of you say I’ve changed and all of my content is sponsored now. I know I don’t have to, but I want to.

I’ve made hundreds of videos.

Six were sponsored.

Those sponsored videos, are what allows me to make the rest of the videos for your enjoyment. Because I don’t get paid to buy props, film, and spend hours editing. I do that at no cost, because I like to make people happy.

I work with two companies, and the beautiful thing is – in order to watch the rest of my videos, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BUY A SINGLE THING! Heck, you don’t even HAVE to watch the sponsored videos. You can scroll on by and watch the rest of the stuff I spend my life creating – at no charge. Why does it bother you so much?

HERE IS SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO KNOW. 

And truthfully, I’m probably going to get in trouble for this next thing, but again, it’s important to me.

I work with two companies, because I truly love them as people, and as a brand. The companies have bought books for my supporters, sent flowers and beautiful cards to my door, and have allowed me to be 100% myself, while contributing to my family.

I have turned down tens of thousands of dollars, BECAUSE I don’t want people to think I’m a sell-out. Here are just some of the offers I turned down this month...

 

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I know I don’t need to (and probably shouldn’t) show you this but THIS, this right here is why it bugs me when people send hate mail and leave nasty comments. I always say no, I am trying to get by, not get rich, which is why I have kept it at only two companies.

 

I have changed, in many ways. I have learned as I go, grown, and tried my best, to make the most of my second chance at life.

If you think I’m different or want to unfollow me – then by all means, hit the button. My true supporters understand me, and my heart, and they are the ones I am concerned with. 

Things are moving at a rapid pace, and I’m gratefully trying to keep up. I am a wife and mother first, and a content creator next. I will continue creating content until someone kicks me off the internet, or I am no longer able to provide for my family while doing what I love.

I am so grateful to everyone who has stuck by me, and who see my true intentions and goals. I look forward to what the future has in store, and am honored to have those of you who “get me”, alongside me for this journey ❤

I love you all so much, and appreciate the love and support more than you will ever know!!!!

PS…I’M GOING ON EFFING TOUR, DUDDDDDE!!!!!!!

 

Author: JugglingTheJenkins

Mother, wife, friend, recovering addict.....

161 thoughts on “TO THE PEOPLE WHO SAY I’VE CHANGED…

  1. Please don’t stop what you are doing. I recently “discovered” you and that has helped me in more ways than I thought. Reminds me that I am not alone and I can keep going. This year has been one of the hardest ever for me and because of the circumstances I can’t talk to anyone about it but my daughter and I CAN NOT burden her more-she is already cursed with my depression & social anxiety; she deserves a better life. She is the reason I keep going…the only reason; so I have to find other ways to cope and hang on and you have helped. Please keep doing what you are doing. Thank you for putting yourself out there for those of us that are not strong enough so we know we are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A beautiful soul once told me “What other people think of you is none of your business,” easier said then done I know….but I try to remember this every single day. Keep doing you! Haters are gonna hate, poor miserable things 😉 Love and light to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing your experience. Some people on the internet are just so nasty. Run your business the way you want to. Anyone who thinks it should be done differently can just start their own (and see how “easy” it is). It’s cool that you’ve turned down so many offers, but really, even if you WERE a sellout, who cares?!? It’s none of their business! You work hard generating content people love, how DARE anyone say that you don’t deserve to get paid for your hard work.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve been trying to get help for almost a year now. I’ve called so many places. I have Medicaid, and there are no therapists in my small town that accept Medicaid. I’ve called over 60 places across the country trying to find a place that would do a scholarship. Not a single one will because I am not an opiate addict, and they won’t take me for the alcoholism because I’m dual-diagnosis. I have C-PTSD, bipolar, generalized anxiety, DID, and they say I’m too complicated because I don’t qualify for 12-step since the serenity prayer is a trigger because I have a history of ritualistic abuse. I’m ready to give up. This is the short story.

    I have 5 children with four still living at home, and all I want is to feel okay again. I don’t need to be happy. I just want to be okay. I don’t want to not want to take care of my kids who are now living with their dad because I can’t even leave my bedroom. I’ve contacted SIDRAN, SAMHSA, looked on psychology today, followed leads given to me, called the local places, and even called from state to state.

    If you know of anything that will help me please, please help me. I’m begging. I’m at the end of my rope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sending love! I wanted out at one point and I felt like I was screaming at everyone for help and just wasn’t finding it. I thought I was going to need to be institutionalized I felt like I was losing touch with reality completely I found that This system is not easy to navigate through but I beg you to just please don’t give up, keep trying and fighting for yourself, I wish I could be more help and tell you exactly how to find help but I’m still trying to figure that out myself.

      There have been times when I think my children would be better off without me, I know what it is like to feel so low that no longer being here would actually benefit the ones we love – but when you look at the logic of that, it’s not true! Those children of yours need you and want you to be better too!

      I look at my husband he is a child of a parent with addiction, his mother lost her fight to the disease and he is NOT better off without her. He isn’t, he is a grown man and it affects him every single day. He would do anything to have her back in his world.

      Keep fighting x

      Like

  5. Like you said in your pay it forward coffee video – peoples perspective and reactions to you are from what’s going on inside of them! You can not possibly respond to every single email that comes your way, most people in the right frame of mind will know that. I have been a rock bottom and when I finally broke I called my GP in hysterics because I severely needed help and didn’t know where the heck to start. These people reaching out to you I’m sure are needing some similar guidance, maybe you could have a automated response in your email set up where it says about how you would love to answer everyone and will try your best too however with your focus on motherhood etc basically summarize what you have said in here and then something like in the meantime here are some reasources that could help you – and possibly list some national/international suicide prevention lines, addiction helplines etc?

    Just an idea?

    However you should never have to apologize for what you have achieved you are amazing and are changing peoples lives daily with your talent and bright light! You will never please everyone, you can’t, it’s impossible … so don’t lose sleep over this, you are a great, kind and inspirational woman! Rock on!

    Like

  6. I just saw your video “If My Brain Held a Morning Meeting” on Facebook today. I LOVE IT!! It is me in so many ways! The little voices in my head, now I get what is going on while I sleep! …and…oddly…it reminds me of faculty meetings at school. Every single one of those personalities in our brains is present in person at those meetings. I so needed the laugh. Anyways…I looked you up just to say you are so on target in so many ways. I love your video about addiction. It is true. Been there and no one but me could see the way out, and I thank God I found it. You are awesome, wonderful, and crazy funny. And if you have some paying sponsors, well kudos to you, girl. Don’t feel bad if you can’t reach out to everyone personally, because you reach out to millions by saying the right things that touch us.

    Like

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