Trigger Warning – Death of a loved one.
I wanted to update everyone on where things are in my life, but I also feel like I want to keep most of it private and close to my heart. I will try to word this in a general sense, rather than speak specifically about my relationship with those involved.
The word “hospice” never fails to send a chill down my spine. It’s so much more than losing a loved one. It’s tear-soaked eyes, hushed voices, unanswered questions, anger, exhaustion, prolonged emotional agony, wondering, wishing……..Waiting.
My first encounter with hospice was when my grandmother was sick with cancer. I was in my early twenties and had gone to visit her. I remember laughing as she pointed the television remote toward the large glass window on the opposite side of the room, mumbling incoherently about the television being broken. I thought she was being silly, but when I noticed that no one else in the room found it as amusing as I had, I realized that somehow in the span of two days, she’d forgotten what a television was.
My mother explained that she was comfortable and at the end of her life, so very soon she would no longer be able to speak. She comforted me by reminding me that my grandfather, as well as my paternal grandmother would be waiting to welcome her at the gates of Heaven. She urged me to talk to her and say what I wanted to say before it was too late. It felt awkward and uncomfortable…So I didn’t.
Less than a year later, I stood beside the bed of my 47-year-old mother as she drew her last breath. This was my second encounter with hospice. Cancer had taken her at an offensively early age and a startlingly short time. On her last day I opened my mouth to say all the things I needed to say to her before she was gone, but the words wouldn’t come out. At this point I was hopelessly addicted to drugs and unsure of what to say. I wasn’t there for my mother during her sickness and couldn’t “bear” to see her in such a frail state. So, I stayed away.
I’ve forgiven myself for most of the things I’ve done while on drugs, but my lack of action during this time she needed me most is unforgivable–for now anyway.
Six years later, I was sober and present for my father as he laid in the hospice bed, resting peacefully at the end of his life. He had waited for all of us to leave the building before he took his final breath, but we were lucky enough to hold his hand afterward and say goodbye. I imagine he was already drifting to his next destination at this point, but it still felt healing to kiss his forehead one last time.
I hadn’t once managed to say the things I needed to–or should have said. I never wanted to have those conversations with them because it would be acknowledging the fact that they were dying. So instead, we had surface-level conversations and danced around the giant elephant in the room. When they were gone, they were gone and all that remained were all the unspoken words that will forever live in my mind with no place to go.
My mother had met and married a man when I was nine years old. He was a police officer, and my sister and I lived with him and my mother full time. He stepped up to raise us when my father wasn’t able to. He was there for my fifth-grade graduation, my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak. He drove me back and forth to my first job, cheerleading practices and cooked my date and I a delicious meal before the homecoming dance. He taught me how to drive a car, cook a killer egg sandwich, and most importantly, how to love another person’s children as if they were my own.
After my mother passed away, My stepfather eventually remarried and decided to retire from the police force and move to a lakehouse in Georgia. He allowed my family and I to move into the home he was leaving behind here–for next to nothing. He just wanted to know we were safe.
He has a name, but from the time they were born my children called him grandpa. I’m sure my father and mother wouldn’t have minded, but even if they had, I wouldn’t have been able to get the kids to call him anything else. They adore him. We visit him at the lakehouse often and have created some memories that will last a lifetime.
As I stood by his hospice bed this week, holding his hand and making jokes to lighten the somber mood in the house, I decided to do something different than I’d ever done.
The words flew from my lips with urgency and determination. I thanked him for all of the things he had done for me over the past 27 years. I promised him my children would know him, assured him we would keep his memory alive, and told him beautifully personal, sacred and special things that I won’t share here. He responded, “Take care of my grandbabies for me”, and many other heartbreakingly moving things that I may not have gotten to hear if we hadn’t had this conversation. We acknowledged the truth about what was happening with him and cried together for a bit before he drifted back to sleep.
My tears were not tears of sadness. They were tears of joy and peace. For the first time in my life I was able to leave nothing left unsaid with someone I cared deeply about… before I missed the chance.
I’m sure my mother was there to meet him with open arms yesterday when he left, and by now he has probably told her all about how silly, loving and adorable her grandkids are.
Experiencing loss changes a person forever. Experiencing the loss of most of my core family members puts me in a strange position. At times I feel lost, uprooted, orphaned, alone and heartbroken. But I know my family wouldn’t want me to cease existing in their absence.
So, I will continue to march on, telling everyone I love how much I love them as often as I can. I will always say the things that need to be said and give the compliments that need to be given. I’m going to drop the people who bring me anything other than peace and joy, and love those remaining folks as fiercely and urgently as I can.
This post was mainly a way for me to get my thoughts out onto paper, but also, I suppose, a gentle reminder to surround yourself with people who bring you joy, tell them how wonderful they are as often as you can, and never, ever, ever, feel embarrassed or ashamed to say what you feel to the people you love while you can.
Thank you for your patience with me as I navigate this season of my life.
❤️
Hugs, Giant ones!!!
Love to you sweet girl. I lost my daughter in October I am still a mess she was/is my world. So true how it changes us. So hard to carry on but as you said we must. If fir no other reason for those who remain with us. More than anything be patient with yourself. This advice has been so helpful to me. Love to you and yours.
I have had the same conversations with my Dad,Mom,Sister in Law and Mother in Law. I tell friends in the same position to leave nothing unsaid.
It is an honour to be able to have these conversations with our loved ones.
Take care.
Wish you Peace and I am sorry for all your losses, praying for you and his other family members.💜
You were an amazing daughter to him.
Never easy to lose one of your greatest cheerleaders.
Heartfelt Condolences 💜
I know this feeling all too well. I lost my mom when I was 16 and my dad died on Father’s Day in 2020 in a motorcycle accident. I have no grandma, grandpa, on either side, no aunts or uncles that talk to me. I literally have NOBODY. I felt so alone, like the only person that knows me the best died and now not one person is going to know me and where I came from. I’m just on my own in life, and it’s a sad, empty, lonely, lost feeling. It’s something you really can’t describe, unless you have went through it. I’m truly so sorry, but I’m here if you ever wanna talk. I KNOW how bad it hurts.
My heart goes out to you ❤️
Awwww thank you for sharing your story! I recently just lost my mom suddenly in Jan and she too was the age 47. I miss her sooooo much 😭 I actually showed her some of your videos a week before she passed and she loved them! so thank you for that too, This was beautiful! I’m sorry for your losses and your most recent loss
So beautifully said… Thank you for sharing.
Ohhh goodness love, praying so much for you and your family’s comfort during and after this truly hard time. Thanking you for the reminder to not let fear or anything keep us from telling those that we love how we feel. You’re an inspiration, thank you for sharing this with us.
I’m so very sorry…but I’m so thankful you have peace from having that conversation with your other Dad. Loss is so very hard! Give yourself the time you need.
My dad and I didn’t always see eye to eye and I ofttimes felt unloved but I thank the Lord for the miracle He did in Dad and my relationship in his last year of Dad’s life, so that when he went I was finally able to say, ‘it’s okay, it’s all been said’. Yes, peace!
This is a definite heads up for me. And I know exactly how you feel. My sincere condolences.
I have walked this path and it never gets easier, but learning how to live life to it’s fullest is the answer! You are strong ! You are beautiful! You are loved ❤️
You are doing great. Your mom would and is so proud of you. Chin up, lots more life for you to live. ❤❤❤
This is such a beautiful collection of thoughts and experiences, you are so gifted with words. Thank you for sharing. Much love to you and yours during these difficult times and onward. Truly so happy for you that you were able to say the things you needed to say!
I’m so ecstatic for you that you were able to say what ya needed to and say goodbye..
I was unlucky to be able to do this with my grandma as my best friend and sister committed suicide, I was the last one to see her alive that night, I found her dead the next morning. I
I found grandma dead and 2months later I found my 40yr old son the same way..it still leaves a huge unimaginable hole in my heart that I never got to say goodbye or that they were my world..tears still stain my pillow every night.
But I also wanted to say is that I stayed sober throughout all this and I’m SOOOOO proud of you in all your hard work of being so too..much luv and big huggggggsss!
So beautifully written. Thank you for sharing such a personal story. Lifting you in prayer ♥️
This was absolutely beautiful…I admire how real you are. I to just lost a loved one so close to my heart that it hurts to breath knowing I will never speak to them again. I needed this cry tonight and to feel all the things you just shared. So sorry for your loss. 🙏❤️
🙏🏽❤😘
Sending lots of love and hugs your way. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They have been so helpful in helping me to deal with loss which is hard yet inevitable. You and your family are thought if and prayed for. Kudos on your sobriety as well!
Sending love and light to you and your family. ❤️
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad that you both were able to really talk. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sending hugs and prayers in such a difficult time
I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad that you both were able to really talk. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Sending love & healing to you & your family!
You are such a beautiful person. (((HUGGS)))
Beautifully written and lovingly expressed. I am sure your loved ones who are beyond the veil of this life are thrilled to see how far you’ve come and the growth you’ve experienced. That’s what we’re here for. Thank you for sharing these tender thoughts.
❤️🙏
Best of the best hugs and big prayers for your peace!
Thank you.
Praying for you and your family ❤️
I know what you are going through. Cancer has ravaged so many in my family. I too have always found it difficult to express my feelings in these situations. I do feel like our hearts can speak to each other through the gentle touch of a hand, a kiss on the cheek or warm embrace. Prayers for comfort and strength.
Wow! So real and raw. Thank you. I cried as I read this. This was divine timing. Thank you
I feel this to my core. I’m crying right along with you. Death, hospice, cancer, its all so hard. Hugs and prayers.
My heart is with all of you at this time. Sending you hugs and prayers. You have some amazing angel’s watching over you from heaven.
Hospice are Angles. And I love you! 🙏🙏🙏
❤️
Tiffany-
Thank you for sharing. I have things I think about during active addiction and I’m grateful I got vulnerable because I had the opportunity to make amends with my grandma before she died. She lovingly welcomed the process as well. How fortunate you got to have these moments with your other dad/grandpa.
Blessed be to you and your family. Love surrounds you all.
Hugs
God bless you. You have a beautiful heart. You did exactly what I think should be done-give love and respect. My best friend is losing her battle. She also has dementia. I told her son to tell her how much he loves her and how sorry he was for anything he may have done to hurt her. Not for her, but for him. No regrets for what wasn’t said.
Beautifully written and lovingly expressed. I am sure your loved ones who are beyond the veil of this life are thrilled to see how far you’ve come and the growth you’ve experienced. That’s what we’re here for. Thank you for sharing these tender thoughts.
A beautiful tribute. Good bless your broken heart.
Bless your beautiful sweet heart.. my mama got to see me 5 years sober… When cancer took her at such a young age… I know exactly how you feel… Prayers your way… I love you so much for sharing your journey… It’s helps me in so many ways.. keep on keeping on.. because weather you know it or not your needed by more then your family… On my worst days you seem to post and it always… Helps me get going back the right direction.. lots of love your way!
Thank you for sharing. We all need to be reminded of this.
Your words are always spot on, not just in this blog but everytime you open up. Thank you for sharing, I know you always help me processes my own feelings when going thru similar experiences. Your so encouraging and inspirational. You should be proud of yourself, I know I am (and you don’t even know me, and I don’t know you) your such a loving person. Condolences for your loss sweetheart…. And all your going thru during this season.
May God bless you and your family, me and my family will be in prayer for you and yours.
Much love to you and your beautiful family at this trying time, you are strong and loving and I have soo much faith in you. I know it will take a long time to heal,but you have all you need now to get through this…I just know it xxxx
You got to make your amends. That is incredible, beautiful and all the things that sobriety gives. So happy for you❤️
From one orphan to another my heart hurts for you. It’s such indescribable feeling to be in a world that no longer has our core people in it anymore….but somehow our brain and part pf our heart learns to readjust to this new normal. Speaking from recent experience, telling my children that their Grampa was now in Heaven has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do….It may have hurt me more than the actual death. But kids are resilient and pure and have this amazing way of helping you heal while they do their grieving and processing. Thank you for sharing your story….It was a reminder to tell those closest how much they mean to me. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers
I’m sorry for your loss Tiffany.
My mom passed recently from MND. One day fine, the next fell and broke her wrist. Couldnt understand why she kept getting worse, losing balance, weakness in legs, speech deteriorating.. I went to help her in september and it was a terrible shock to how she had deteriorated. I became her voice and hands as she rapidly lost function and ability to speak over just 3 months. Unfortunately I did not cope very well, so angry at the situation and God that I often exploded at her. She need 24 hour care but did not want to go to a facility as she was scared. I literally had to do everything, everything, for her, as simple as holding a spoon or cup, she didnt have any muscles or strength left. Eventually I was numb and felt no compassion whatsoever, even when she choked, had pain etc. I realized I needed to stay somewhere else and take a break before I had a breakdown. My brother was able to come and relieve me, and I then visited her. After almost 4 months I was able to just be her daughter and not her carer. I held her, sang to her, chatted. I don’t know if she could hear me, I hope it wasn’t too late. At that point she was semi conscious and couldn’t respond to me at all. I just wish I could go back and undo the way I treated her at times. I feel I failed her when she needed me most, but I literally had nothing left in me to give. Partly grief, shock and anger that a strong vibrant woman such as herself could be reduced so quickly to a literal statue, drooling, choking.
Everyone says what a great job I did but I feel like a fake as I know how terrible it was.
The point if this, taking that last opportunity to say all the things we need to say I so important, and the only consolation I have. I’m so glad you were able to have that special time with your dad.
My step dad became my best friend. He was the best grandpa to my babies. I never imagined a life without him. 5 years ago my mom called. He had fallen and his stomach was full of blood. They went in to see what was going on. He was full of cancer. He died 4 days later. My son was in Afghanistan and they FaceTimed to say goodbye. Both sobbing. I am still not over it. I miss him every day. Show yourself grace and let your heart heal. ❤
Tiffany, first I would like to say I am so sorry for you loss. Losing anyone is difficult but losing a parent is something I couldnt even imagine. And losing as many parents as you have and you being strong and staying in your sobriety is true STRENGTH. Your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this extremely difficult time. Myself and I am sure I can speak for most, WE will ALL be here waiting for you when you decide to come back. You make sure you take all the time you need and be with your family during this time. I love ya Tiffany. May you continue with the AMAZING Strength you have. And thank you for Sharing your Love and vulnerability with us. XxxHUGSxxX
Thank you for sharing your experiences. As I too have felt this exact same way with the ones I had never used my time to say thank you and that I loved them as well. It definitely does change you. I will not be afraid of confronting my fears to speak out ever again. I thank you for being so transparent for not just me. But for many others.
Thank you again💕💐
I am glad you did something different. I had one grandmother pass with things left unsaid and hurts that were actually between her and my mom and not me, but I kind of ignored her the last time I was around her and could’ve had a chance to have a conversation. I’m still ashamed to this day and it’s almost 2 decades later. The only way I could forgive myself was to never do it again. When my other grandma came to the end of her life, I was able to spend a lot of time with her and I made sure to go see her in the last couple of months when she had to be in a nursing home because she required medication changes daily. We were pretty open about what was happening, and all along we made sure to be open about our feelings. This was hard for her, but we navigated it together and had a great relationship.
Recently my mom passed away, if she wanted to talk about her death and the fact that she was dying we did. We did not skirt the subject. It wasn’t easy, but at times she seemed to need to talk about it and so we did. We did a lot of reminiscing too. The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, was to have to get on a plane and fly home knowing I would never see her alive again. It took one week before she passed, and then I was on a plane back. I still can’t believe the best friend I’ve ever had is gone.
May you take the time you need to grieve. Be blessed.
I’m so sorry for ur loss I understand exactly how you feel my grandmother passed away last year and it’s heart wrenching and it’s still
So raw I also couldn’t say the important things that should have been said I didn’t want to believe this was our last talk our last face time I miss her so much and all the things I would have loved to tell her are now stuck in my heart and it hurts I wish the best for you and your family I relate to u I’ve been through the same things u have because of bad decisions I’m doing well now with my babies and am taking care of us that’s what’s important in life take care of u and urs ❤️
What a beautifully written tribute to all whom you’ve loved and lost. I’m so glad for you that you were able to share your feelings with your step dad. 2021 brought the loss of my mom and my baby (45) brother. I wasn’t able to share with either one of them how much they meant to me or how much I loved them. It makes my heart happy that you had the opportunity to do so with your step dad. Hugs to you.
As a former hospice nurse who has worked with both the dying person and their families I don’t think that you need to actually say anything to them at the end of their life. You just being was a comfort to all of them as they got ready to go. They know how you felt in your heart – words aren’t always needed. I am also positive that they are all looking down on you and your kids from the other side and enjoying seeing the events in your life. You will see them all again. They will come to get you when it is your time to go. For me I find comfort in knowing that my Dad will be waiting for me when I go. I am so sorry for all of the losses that you have had. ❤️
Beautifully written tribute to your loved ones. I wish you all the peace and joy this life can bring you, particularly considering all the good you put out into the world. It’s amazing when we become the “elders” in our family, but still feel like bonds with our parents. Much love to you and the family❤️
Thank you for sharing. My dad passed away in November. After being in the hospital for 7 weeks, we had to bring him home for hospice. He was with us for 11 days before he passed. They never found out what he had, causing him confusion and not able to walk. He had diabetes and a heart condition as well. He was my step dad but I could never call him that because he was the only dad I ever knew. Never treated me differently than my younger sisters. I didn’t even know he wasn’t my biological dad until I was 16. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to tell him how much he meant to me and how grateful I was for the life I had because he married my mom and took me in. I’m not the type of person who can easily talk about feelings, so it makes me sad that I never told him.
Said beautifully. Don’t beat yourself up about the other experiences. Life is about learning, and we never stop. Thanks for sharing your lessons to help us all.
So beautifully said and you are so spot on with leaving nothing left unsaid. You are a beautiful soul Tiffany. My heart is broken for you and your family. You will be ok with Time , be kind to yourself, love yourself.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and for all of those precious loved ones you have lost. Even if you weren’t able to say what you wanted in the past, I truly believe that they know.
We are getting ready to see my beloved sister through this journey. This really hit me hard. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for this. I don’t know how to say these things to her, but I’ll try.
I’m sending love!!!!!
I began reading this and my eyes welled up with tears then I started to sob. All the loss and pain you experienced in such a short time seems sad and unfair. By the time I finished I was still crying but a different cry. I had tears of happiness and joy that you had made the decision to really speak truth and love and to be able to say all the things that needed to be said. I’m so sorry you have experienced all of this sadness and grief. I’m so glad you have shared this thought, lesson, action with us. This helped me see why it is so important to always say what needs to be said. My deepest condolences to you and your family. Take all the time you need and remember we are all here for you in this time of grief.
Thank you for sharing. Dealing with this heartbreak myself for the first time. I never know what to do when I am visiting and it does always seem awkward. I appreciate you sharing your experience.
“Experiencing the loss of most of my core family members puts me in a strange position. At times I feel lost, uprooted, orphaned, alone and heartbroken.” This is so true. As I read your heartfelt post, I was lying in a recliner next to my mother’s hospice bed, trying to fall sleep. She is at home, although her dementia doesn’t allow her to recognize this place as home. She is not well. Has taken a turn for the worse in the last few days, but my sisters and I half-heartedly tell ourselves that we think it’s just a UTI and that this isn’t the true worsening progression of her severe dementia and weakened 80 lb little body surrendering to go on home. I feel your sadness. I cried while reading your words. It’s hard, for sure. We are thankful to have them here with us while they are healthy and happy, but when they are not well and have lost their ability to be happy, then we rejoice when they are able to fly on home.. ❤️
Thank for for sharing such a personal story. Having lost parents and a dear brother at hospice, I understand your story. Bless you in this time. You are such an inspiration to many.
God Bless You Sweet Lady. I have a similar story, but you have your own and that is what is most important. Much Love
So very sorry Tiffany. Your words brought many tears to my eyes. Everything you wrote was so sincere and authentic. My husband passed away April 30, 2021. It will be a year very soon. I have a beautiful and scared son but wants to be brave 15 year old son who misses his father terribly. His father my husband died of Stage 4 Glioblastoma (brain cancer)
This time last year we were in the midst of hospice. No more surgeries, medicine, chemotherapy, radiation. Done. I thank you for writing this. Absolutely wonderful. Love you and thinking of you.
Oh Tiffany thank you for sharing your journey. I’m sorry for all your losses of your dear loved ones. So many of them gone too soon. Thanks for being so raw and open. Lots of love and prayers in your time of grief.
Beautiful words. Thank you for sharing. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my mother who died of a heart attack over six years ago. My only comforts are that I did hug her and told her I loved her the day just before she died having no idea what was coming and knowing I will see her again in heaven. I’m so glad you had this chance to share that special moment with your loved one. Praying that you continue to feel peace and comfort.
This is all so very moving and touching, Tiffany. <3 Thank you for sharing so others can benefit from your rich and important experience. So moving and meaningful.
Thank you for sharing. I have also experienced a lot of loss in my short 39 years. When my first grandmother passed I flew home for the funeral and to be with my family and while there about to walk out of my parents house to see my other grandmother who was in the hospital we got a call she had passed. I went from having four grandparents to 2 in a week. This year my father passed unexpectedly at 71 (and a couple of months away from being married to my mom for 51 years). I went home and spent the rest of the month with my mom who was recovering in the hospital – they had gotten COVID along with my sister and her husband who were also in the hospital in bad condition. My mom, sister and husband-in-law survived and were released from the hospital. I laid in my moms hospital bed for the 100th time since arrive after dad passed and we cried holding each other. We were glad she was doing so much better that she was being released but heartbroken we were leaving that hospital without dad being forced to start a new normal we really didn’t want. The next month would have been his birthday, the following month would have been his and my moms 51st anniversary and the next month my last living grandparent passed (my moms dad) while my mom was out of town visiting me. Two weeks later my aunt (my dads oldest sister) passed.
I feel your pain with your loss and am so sorry! I’m so glad you got you to tell your stepfather everything you wanted to! I have so much I wished I could have said to my dad. We took a vacation about 6 months prior to him passing and him and my mom came out to see us and our kids. I was upset with him and didn’t really enjoy the visit, that was the last time I saw him, the last time I hugged him – a forced hug on my part because I was too upset. I would give anything to go back to that vacation and cherish every second.
Oh my gosh Tiffany, I’m so very sorry for your loss. But I’m also happy you were able to have that conversation. I lost my mom a week after I turned 33, almost half my life ago, and my dad passed almost 5 years ago. I understand your feeling like an orphan. Thank you for sharing. Grief is never easy, but I feel it’s decreased by sharing, just like joy is increased by sharing. Sending you big hugs and lots of love.
I am a hospice nurse and a grieving daughter as well. I relate to so much of this. I am sending you big love, big hugs, as you ride the waves. Grief is the price we pay for love. It hurts. I see hospice as such a gift of time and warning and a chance to say the things. I’m so happy that you took the chance to say the things this time and that you SET YOURSELF FREE from the past god orchestrated events that weren’t meant to go that way. Give yourself grace and recognize all things are necessary for our growth as imperfectly perfect humans <3 xoxo
I’m a Hospice CNA(working in my nursing degree) and this makes my job worth it. Seeing families together in all aspects of life.
In my thoughts 💙
God bless you, Tiffany. May your heart heal & May your loved ones always watch over you & yours. 🙏🏼
This waiting of your was beautiful! You should be very proud of yourself for Being able to put all of your love and sorrow too, into words. I am so touched by your depth of feeling, and of your words. I am so sorrry for your losses, and for all of our losses too. I will now to be strong enough to say the things I need to say WHEN I need to say them and not have them rolling around in my head. Thank you for helping me to be the person who can now be the person I always thought I was.
Thank you and I’mso sorry for your loss.This is clearly so hard to lose a loved one but many in a row is just unfathomable Thank you because my mom is facing an increasingly hard battle in the hospital and Im trying to the positive one and this post gave me courage that i need to share just how much I love her, that we will carry on her memories, that she was the best mother I could hope for.
Love and Hugs my friend
Oh, my heart. My father passed in hospice on my 14th month of sobriety. I got to hold his hand and tell him just how much his unwavering love and support meant to me and I vowed to keep his memory alive.
Thinking of you and your family. ♥️
Sending so many prayers and lots of love your way. I had to experience hospice a few years ago when we lost my step dad to cancer and I can relate to a lot of what you said. 💛💛💛
I have experienced all these feelings. My brother died in an auto accident at 20. My only sibling. He was gone on impact. No chance to say goodbye. Alzheimers took my mom from me. It was like someone dying twice. Everyone but me told her it was okay to go. I felt if I told her this she would think I didnt love her or was giving up. Finally I said it was okay to go. I realized she was waiting to hear this from me. I had read Gone From My Sight. And the stages my mom went through while going through leaving her body and transitioning to Heaven were everything in this booklet. My mom took her last breath minutes later. She was 82. I was 46. Its been 5 years and seems like yesterday. Her passing was on Easter Sunday that year. Four years earlier I lost my dad. I too remember thinking I am an orphan. Death changed me. Living without them gets tolerable. But will never be easy. Feeling as though I have 3 holes in my heart. I said all the things I needed to say and wanted them to know. Because I didnt get that chance with my brother. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I feel for your loss and will continue to keep you in my thoughts. Remember, there is no time limit on sadness and loss. You do it the way YOU want to. And time for healing process. In my thoughts,
D
Tiffany, Exceptionally written. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and personal story. You are loved so very much. ♥️ (((Hugs)))
I don’t think words are ever sufficient in times like these. I held my fathers hand when he passed in my early 20s. Losing parents is such a nasty blow.
You are loved here on earth, and their spirits will be beside you until the angels come to close your eyes as well; and forever beyond somewhere floating in the vast universe.
Big hugs shugga. Big, big, big hugs.
Thank u for sharing such a beautiful message. U r an amazing inspiration for those of us out here on so many levels u can’t begin to understand. God bless u and u r in my prayers.
What can I say. You have me crying. I love you and I’m so sorry for your tremendous and tragic loss. You are amazing and insightful and I’m very grateful for your little internet presence in my life. Your words often change me for the good.
Whoa, does this hit way too close to home right now. I lost my father at 18yrs old. Currently I’m fighting through one hell of an addiction to drugs. I got a literal text message informing me that my mother was in the icu & had been for the past 9 weeks. Nobody told me. My sister & step father have my number. Still they didn’t tell me. I found out through text from a random person friends with my sister. My mother was in a coma after being found unresponsive. She needed part of her intestines removed, 2 hernias repaired, & several abscesses removed from her abdominal cavity & around her ostomy site on her stomach. She was septic & things didn’t look good. I was so caught up in my addiction that I had no clue how serious things were happening in my absence. I’m heartbroken my own family didn’t care to tell me what was happening. Were they going to spite me by waiting until she passed away & I didn’t get to say goodbye? I’m literally devastated to feel so insignificant. I don’t ask for anything from them, so, there’s really no excuse to not tell me my mom could potentially be dying. They had 2 months to lmk. There’s no reason other than to punish & spite me for being an addict. I’m thankful she’s taking a turn for the better. She’s awake & responsive. I spoke to her for the first time yesterday. Tbh she’s all I really have. The only person who’s love is truly unconditional. Even if she’s disappointed or disproving of my current predicament. Had I lost her too without being able to say my peace, just like my father who passed unexpectedly, I’m not so sure I’d survive that. My mother is my biggest critic, yet my biggest supporter. My world even if we don’t always see eye to eye because of my choices.
I’m so sorry for the long ramble. Your situation really hits so close to my heart right now. I’m so sorry for the losses you’ve endured, proud for your growth, and admire your courage to share & preserver through the darkness & focus on the light at the end. If I could find just an ounce of your strength I just might make it out of this addiction alive & be able to spend quality time with my mother. To make memories that’ll stand the test of time.
Your truly an inspirational person & you deserve to forgive yourself & celebrate your wins over adversity. I’m sure your loved ones on the other side are proud of the amazing woman you are. I know I am. I wish I could find the same strength within myself to face the long sleepless nights, the cold sweats, the muscle spams, etc on top of the daily struggle with my autoimmune disease. That’s the only thing holding me back. I’m terrified of feeling the daily pain again. Scared I can’t cope. I know others do, but I’m admittedly quick to do whatever it takes to feel relief, not deal with the pain I’ve been dealt. You’re life gives me life. You’re a role model to so many ppl. Myself included. This might be a stormy time, but you’ll make it to the sunshine. You’ve got this! 💕
As sad as it is to lose close family and friends this was beautifully said hun. I too lost my mom at a very young age, she passed away at home while I was alone with her I had never been so frozen and scared in my life. I then lost myself into drugs, alcohol and bad company to point I almost lost my son. With that said I have been following you for long time now and girl you can move mountains and make cloudy days bright. You will overcome the sadness and remember the happiness/memories. Much 💗 girl I believe in you!!!!!!!! 🤗
I needed this as cancer is taking my dad from me to soon.
So sorry for your losses. I am praising God with you that you were able to say the things that needed to be said to your other Daddy. Self care my girl. I’m sure you’ll be hugging your babies tighter 🙏
Tiffany, I honestly do not think you’ll ever realize how loved you are. We all laugh with you, cry with you and totally admire the woman you have become. I am so sorry for all of your losses, I myself have had several. It doesn’t seem to get any easier. I too feel like an orphan and that is sad to say. Please know we are all out here waiting to hear about your life, the good the bad and the ugly. Please remember to ALWAYS take care of yourself. You are one of a kind.
Love, Emily
You are in my thoughts and prayers!
Prayers for you as you navigate this new season. I lost my husband of almost 30 years to cancer I. 2020. My 3 children were 22(special needs adult child), 12 and 11. It’s been tough on them without their Daddy, but we are all getting by with the Lord’s help.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are helping so many people by doing this. You are a light in this fallen world.I am so sorry for your loss but happy you were able to share your heart and leave nothing unsaid. I hope that all those that read this also realize that holding on to anger , resentment, and hate helps no one. When we forgive others for their transgressions we are forgiven for ours too. and We are free.
They know our unspoken words now. They heard us speak them. They heard us think them.
Our words are truely never UNSPOKEN.
HUGGS AND LOVE.
I MISS MY MOM AND DAD ANS ALL THE ONES I NEVER GOT TO MEET.
I just did this with my husband not even 6 months ago….He was only 45 yrs old and I am now a widow at 37. Cancer is the biggest robber of life. He was on hospice for about 3 weeks.
Thank you for sharing your story. I have lost loved ones and because of those losses, I am now a hospice nurse. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this loss. I’m glad you were able to tell him the things you did. You’re in my prayers.
I’m so very honored and grateful that you shared these most intimate moments with me. I to have kept silent during times that mattered most until it was to late. Vulnerability was never my strong point. My biggest weakness actually. And biggest fear. You sharing this and conquering one of your fears just help me to change that. I’m forever grateful to you for it. If you feel no pain during growth, then you’re not doing it right. You ma’am, are doing it right. Thank you. Much love to you.