Trigger Warning – Death of a loved one.
I wanted to update everyone on where things are in my life, but I also feel like I want to keep most of it private and close to my heart. I will try to word this in a general sense, rather than speak specifically about my relationship with those involved.
The word “hospice” never fails to send a chill down my spine. It’s so much more than losing a loved one. It’s tear-soaked eyes, hushed voices, unanswered questions, anger, exhaustion, prolonged emotional agony, wondering, wishing……..Waiting.
My first encounter with hospice was when my grandmother was sick with cancer. I was in my early twenties and had gone to visit her. I remember laughing as she pointed the television remote toward the large glass window on the opposite side of the room, mumbling incoherently about the television being broken. I thought she was being silly, but when I noticed that no one else in the room found it as amusing as I had, I realized that somehow in the span of two days, she’d forgotten what a television was.
My mother explained that she was comfortable and at the end of her life, so very soon she would no longer be able to speak. She comforted me by reminding me that my grandfather, as well as my paternal grandmother would be waiting to welcome her at the gates of Heaven. She urged me to talk to her and say what I wanted to say before it was too late. It felt awkward and uncomfortable…So I didn’t.
Less than a year later, I stood beside the bed of my 47-year-old mother as she drew her last breath. This was my second encounter with hospice. Cancer had taken her at an offensively early age and a startlingly short time. On her last day I opened my mouth to say all the things I needed to say to her before she was gone, but the words wouldn’t come out. At this point I was hopelessly addicted to drugs and unsure of what to say. I wasn’t there for my mother during her sickness and couldn’t “bear” to see her in such a frail state. So, I stayed away.
I’ve forgiven myself for most of the things I’ve done while on drugs, but my lack of action during this time she needed me most is unforgivable–for now anyway.
Six years later, I was sober and present for my father as he laid in the hospice bed, resting peacefully at the end of his life. He had waited for all of us to leave the building before he took his final breath, but we were lucky enough to hold his hand afterward and say goodbye. I imagine he was already drifting to his next destination at this point, but it still felt healing to kiss his forehead one last time.
I hadn’t once managed to say the things I needed to–or should have said. I never wanted to have those conversations with them because it would be acknowledging the fact that they were dying. So instead, we had surface-level conversations and danced around the giant elephant in the room. When they were gone, they were gone and all that remained were all the unspoken words that will forever live in my mind with no place to go.
My mother had met and married a man when I was nine years old. He was a police officer, and my sister and I lived with him and my mother full time. He stepped up to raise us when my father wasn’t able to. He was there for my fifth-grade graduation, my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak. He drove me back and forth to my first job, cheerleading practices and cooked my date and I a delicious meal before the homecoming dance. He taught me how to drive a car, cook a killer egg sandwich, and most importantly, how to love another person’s children as if they were my own.
After my mother passed away, My stepfather eventually remarried and decided to retire from the police force and move to a lakehouse in Georgia. He allowed my family and I to move into the home he was leaving behind here–for next to nothing. He just wanted to know we were safe.
He has a name, but from the time they were born my children called him grandpa. I’m sure my father and mother wouldn’t have minded, but even if they had, I wouldn’t have been able to get the kids to call him anything else. They adore him. We visit him at the lakehouse often and have created some memories that will last a lifetime.
As I stood by his hospice bed this week, holding his hand and making jokes to lighten the somber mood in the house, I decided to do something different than I’d ever done.
The words flew from my lips with urgency and determination. I thanked him for all of the things he had done for me over the past 27 years. I promised him my children would know him, assured him we would keep his memory alive, and told him beautifully personal, sacred and special things that I won’t share here. He responded, “Take care of my grandbabies for me”, and many other heartbreakingly moving things that I may not have gotten to hear if we hadn’t had this conversation. We acknowledged the truth about what was happening with him and cried together for a bit before he drifted back to sleep.
My tears were not tears of sadness. They were tears of joy and peace. For the first time in my life I was able to leave nothing left unsaid with someone I cared deeply about… before I missed the chance.
I’m sure my mother was there to meet him with open arms yesterday when he left, and by now he has probably told her all about how silly, loving and adorable her grandkids are.
Experiencing loss changes a person forever. Experiencing the loss of most of my core family members puts me in a strange position. At times I feel lost, uprooted, orphaned, alone and heartbroken. But I know my family wouldn’t want me to cease existing in their absence.
So, I will continue to march on, telling everyone I love how much I love them as often as I can. I will always say the things that need to be said and give the compliments that need to be given. I’m going to drop the people who bring me anything other than peace and joy, and love those remaining folks as fiercely and urgently as I can.
This post was mainly a way for me to get my thoughts out onto paper, but also, I suppose, a gentle reminder to surround yourself with people who bring you joy, tell them how wonderful they are as often as you can, and never, ever, ever, feel embarrassed or ashamed to say what you feel to the people you love while you can.
Thank you for your patience with me as I navigate this season of my life.
I am so sorry for all the losses you have endured in your life. Keep living your life to the fullest and enjoying every moment with your family and friends. You seem to be doing a great job of this already! Even though I don’t know you personally, I am sending you lots of hugs during this time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Stay close to those in the Fellowship, share with them how you feel.
Hug your sister, your husband and those beautiful babies of yours ☺️
My father passed March 2020, I held his hand, sang him songs and was there at the end, sober… the best gift I could give him was my undivided time 🙏🏼
God bless you all at this sad time 🙏🏼❤️
I’m so so sorry for your loss, my husband just passed in Dec after being on hospice. It’s certainly not easy, but I feel comfort knowing he is no longer suffering and up there (somewhere)
riding his Harley again.
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing part of your life with us
I lost my dad then my mom 8 months later. I will never forget when we were all visiting my dad he looked at us and said…I’m not dying! That broke my heart and we all took turns saying g that no he wasn’t we just all came on the same day. My mom was asleep and we had to make hard decisions that still naked me sad and question those decisions. It’s been 3 years and I still miss them like it was yesterday. Hope you find the strength to get thru this sad and trying time. Saying goodbye always helps.
I read this with tears streaming down my face
I lost both my parents by the time I was 22 and lost one of my two older brothers 2.5 years ago. To say you feel orphaned is exactly how I feel and not many people understand that. Sending love and strength
I am a hospice nurse and I want to thank you for putting your experience out there. So many of us worry about talking to dying people and acknowledging their death, but it does help the dying so much.
I am also the mother of an addict who lost his battle on Feb 26. I’ve followed you, and other sober people, for a while now, in hopes of finding the magic cure for my son. My Nathan loved hearing about my hospice work, but I’m not sure how ill ever go back.
Thank you for what you do for others in so many different ways. You are an amazing person.
I’m bawling my eyes out all th way from Adelaide Australia 😭 You have an amazing way with words ❤️ I’ve been struggling with being in quarantine with mental health issues and my boys to look after but this has given me the wake up call I needed. I’m so glad you got to be with your Dad who chose you as his own in his final days before he went on his next journey 💜 Please take care of yourself and know you and your amazing family are supported and cared about all over the world 💖
I came across this post. I lost my sister to cancer last July. She too was hospice. I remember sitting on the couch watching my niece gently wipe the blood from my sisters mouth. I wanted to cry and yell or beg god not to take this amazing kindergarten teacher but i couldn’t do any of those things. I had so many things in my head that i wanted to say. Needed to say but i couldn’t speak them. As i left thst day. It would be the last time i held her hand and said i love you. I have spent this past year telling her all the things i needed to say. Except now she can’t speak back. So i wish i had known what i know now. But reading your story makes me feel like i am not alone in letting moments like that pass you by.
You have a beautiful soul. Deep. You’ve given me so much to think about. Thank you for sharing so much with us. You bring joy to my life.
You were blessed to be with them all in hospice. My grandma passed 2019, the day before Thanksgiving. She was suppose to be on hospice 4 years prior, but we didn’t let her go. We decided that the family could use a five day break and bring back home, so we sent her to hospice. We never got the chance to say goodbye. We got the call that she passed. I was on my way to pick up a 15 passenger, so that we can all go celebrate Thanksgiving the next day with grandma. That never happened. The worse Thanksgiving ever. I’m praying for you!!!!!!
I’m so very sorry for the loss of “Your other Dad.” I feel for you and the family. May fond memories ease your grief.
I must say, even through grief, you continue to inspire. I don’t know how you do that. Your words, so elequantly written, are not only heart warming, but honestly real.
I share the haunting feeling, of Not saying what was on my mind, when my mother was losing her battle. The only thing I said to her outside of idle chat, during her last days, was when we last spoke…. Anticipating it being the last time. She said goodbye, like a perminant goodbye, and my response was, “It’s not goodbye, it’s until later.”
She left us early the next morning, alone in ICU. I have always regretted not saying what I wanted to say.
So know this. You, through your own pain, have kindly, in a very wise way, made me take your words to heart. They were so meaningful to me.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Thank you for sending a very important message.
I do not have words to take your grief away, but I can say, no one can take your memories away. I believe they remain, for us to find a way to move forward, with our loved ones in our hearts. Memories remain.
Sending love & hugs.
Losing our core family members is so painfully hard. It’s like the worst homesickness feeling that lessens over time, but doesn’t ever leave us. God bless you and your sweet family! I know with all my heart that our deceased loved ones are never very far from us! They are still very involved in our lives. Thank you for sharing with us ! You are in my prayers!
So very sorry for your loss..thank you for sharing this and reminding us all of the reasons why we should always live,love,laugh and try to make the most of the time we have with those we love and try not to let anyone or anything keep us from doing that. Hope you can find comfort and healing as you’re going through this difficult time.
I am blessed to have had hospice care for my husband 2005, my mother 2006 and my dad 2008. It is so painful losing people you love, but a blessing to know they suffer no more and pass into the loving arms of Jesus and other loved ones who passed before. I pray for peace and love for you and all your family. Thank you for sharing. ❤
My heart aches for you!! I lost my brother and sister 6 days apart and then my brother in law was taken from us by 6 people! My brother and I did not talk for two years when he passed I was traumatized. Like you I do not leave anything in said and I have shut out the negative people in my life. Take all the time you need
People always say the cliche they know how you feel well u know as well as I do nobody truly know exactly how someone feels or what there thinking so I’ll say this I myself lot a father n wish I could have had the chance to say so many things to him before he past so many I’m sorry and I wish I could have asked him so many things but will never get the chance I take comfort in knowing I was able to say I love you n he knows I was there take comfort that u were able to b there n have that conversation with your stepdad I know it doesn’t help with the pain or tears now but it will someday. Too know He’s PROUD OF YOU
So sorry for your loss(es)…. Hugs and prayers to you and family. May people
Be there to support you through the ocean (emotions) of waves that come like the tides. Sometimes it’s stormy and other times calm….. it’s random. For those stormy days, remember the support you see today and always.
What a wonderful thing you were able to do. I too stood at the hospice beds of my grandma, mother, auntie, 2 uncles and my husband. I did tell my husband everything i wanted to say … good & bad.
Remember you are loved by your hubs and kids but also by many thousands of us your fans. I said a prayer for you. You are blessed in so many ways. Anxious for you to return hopefully soon. ❤️
I cannot put into words how this hits home. While this most recent death in my family was my rock, best friend, secret keeper…. She was above anything else my mom. I had been caring for her and seeing to her medical needs for 16 years. Many times I was frustrated, many times I thought why the hell am I catering to her… but I remembered she’s my mom and did the same for me when I was little. She entered the hospital the day after thanksgiving. We went through one respiratory arrest, 2 full codes, 17 days on a vent and then a tracheostomy and feeding tube. She fought so hard, at times I thought she was hanging on for me because she knew I’d be shattered without her. She was moved to a nursing facility on March 4. 5 days before we buried my granddad. On March 23rd I was woken up to a phone call she was gone. I wasn’t there when she passed and it kills me that I wasn’t there. My heart breaks every minute of everyday.
My prayers of comfort and peace are with you.
What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your heart with people you don’t even know. It worked. You reminded me to tell people I love, that I love them! Thank you! My mom died of ALS almost 5 years ago. Thankfully we were all there when she left, but still doesn’t make it any easier kissing her every day. Thank you again for sharing all of this! Hug
Thank you for sharing yet another piece of you. I relate to so many events in your life. My husband is 2 and a half years sober. I lost both of my parents in 2019. Your posts mean a great deal to me and I appreciate that you’re willing to be vulnerable to help people navigate their own lives.
Oh Tiffany……this hit me hard. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Death is awful, it’s a horrible phobia for me. Anytime someone gets really sick….my head goes straight to doom and gloom. I’m a hypochondriac and I have some severe anxiety and depression issues. I lost my grandpa in 2012. I am a nurse and I was at work when my boss pulled me into her office and said that my family called and I needed to get to his bedside. I was distraught and one of my coworkers drove me. As soon as I walked in, I told him I was there. I couldn’t stay in the room with him though when he drifted away. My anxiety overwhelmed me and I sat in the hallway bawling. It’s guilt I’ve carried with me since sept 12, 2012. Fast forward to last year. The Worst Year Ever! My mom had 20 surgeries during Covid spikes and every time we didn’t think she would make it, we couldn’t go in the hospital at Tampa General. By the Grace of God she is alive (a colostomy bag, reversal, obstruction, NG tube and almost septic). If that wasn’t enough, I lost my fur baby the day before my birthday. She was 17 and was with me through all of my milestones in life and was from college, to getting married, to moving, to getting pregnant (another crippling phobia for me) and having a very complicated pregnancy, through Covid, and through my mom. I knew she was coming to the end of her life because the last two years I spent giving her sub Q fluids and four different medicines a day. She had part of her tail amputated from a cancer. But when I took her to the emergency vet on April 18 I thought she was just getting a platelet injection and I ended up having to say goodbye to her. I walked in the room with her and I kissed her and told her I loved her, and then I passed out. I couldn’t stay in the room when she left the world and how do you say guilt I carry with me. Hearing you publicly talk about the exact feelings I have been carrying, I felt comforted by your words. My sister and I have loved watching you and your sister. She is also in recovery for drugs and alcohol. She was in and out of rehab three times but this year will be 11 years clean . One of the biggest culprit behind her addiction was her being gay and being scared. We have laughed until we cried watching your videos and your bond with your sister reminds me so much of my bond with mine. Thank you for sharing and I will forever keep you guys in my prayers
I’m so sorry for your loss. But thankful that you were able to talk to your other dad before he passed❤️ In such a meaningful way. We just had my father in law living with us in hospice care in our home, he passed in February. It’s never easy losing a parent but it sounds like you had a wonderful relationship that you can remember so many wonderful times. When you are feeling down let those memories come flooding in to give you peace. You and your family are in my thoughts. You are such a brave strong woman even if you don’t always feel like it ❤️❤️❤️
Life is wonderful, blessed with highs and lows, some heartbreaking and lifting as well, we live we grow we fall, we hurt and love, we break we make mistakes. LOTS of mistakes. We have forgiveness life can be fair but MOST of all we must forgive ourselves and be easy on us and still love and forgive and know kindness. Be well my friend, love and forgive and most of all FEEL, much love.
A girl who has always tried but never enough and still Learing
This was so beautifully written and you are one brave momma. Thank you for the reminder to say all the things before it’s too late.
Wow!! 🥰
I wish I would have told my Mom those things. She was 50, I 19, I regret it every day. Just hope she knew what I wanted to say and didn’t.
That was so moving and special for you to share. It’s truly earth shattering to deal with the loss of your core family. I went through the same. Grandfather, then mom a year later at 48, then grandmother 4yrs later. It changed you and you do feel like you’re so alone. I feel this for you now and support your need to find the ground again. Sending love and hugs your way.
So very sorry. My daughter has been a hospice nurse practitioner for 14 years. She has shared many stories of the people she’s met and the families who have to navigate a final journey with their loved ones. She helped my mom and some other special people. Her and her co-workers shed tears with the patients and families. Her first story was on Thanksgiving when she called crying about a father in his 30’s dying of cancer. She said mom….he can’t die on thanksgiving because that will be sad every year for his wife and kids. I knew she was in the right place for her career. Hospice provides comfort and resources when families are most vulnerable. Hugs to you and all that are grieving over the loss of your stepfather.❤️
This deeply touched my soul.
I lost my Mother 7.5 years ago. I knew that one day my Father,
My hero, my best friend, my Mr. Dependable, my kids’ “Papa-Daddy” my Papa, my BLOOD, my Preacher, my teacher, my FRIEND would one day “expire.”
I just thought he would live forever.
He passed away March 18, 2022 unexpectedly.
I, also, am navigating what my “new normal” is and will be; and I can’t seem to find my way;m…
But it’s people as open as you who help me along the way; “mile markers” if you will.
So, THANK YOU for sharing in your grief.
You’ve helped my heart feel a little less shattered today.
So sorry for all of you our losses, You said it beautifully from your heart.
As a brand new nurse I picked Hospice because it was $4 more an hour and I hated the thought of a nursing home, my only other alternative at that time. I knew I would eventually end up in ICU or shock trauma. I fell in love hospice and 17 years later it has been the majority of my career. I’m so happy to read the words you have written. As hospice nurses we encourage families to spend as much time as they can together. No one will ever say “I spent too much time with blank”. But I have seen so many regret not seeing or spending time with their loved ones at the end. Your words are strong as you are. Keep your chin up. What other choice do we have? Love to you and yours.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You will someday all be together again and won’t it be wonderful? God be with you, sweet girl… Susan B. 🙏♥️🙏♥️
You are one of the bravest and most vulnerable souls I’ve encountered in all my years. I’m in awe of your strength and gift with words you so beautifully offer others.
Tiffany, you are a beautiful person. Prayers of comfort for you and your family through this difficult time. And thankful for all the people along your journey who have molded you so beautifully ❤️
Wow. Thank you for sharing all of your personal events. Profound, simple truths which I’m sure we all need to hear or be reminded to do. Heartfelt condolences to you.
Tiff…at almost.72 years of age I know…your story will be so hea!ing to others. My mom taught me.and my brother to never have any regrets or guilt when someone is alive or.dying. we have no control.over when where or.how. but if your not.with the.person.at the end make sure you told.them.while.alive what they meant toyou. You should.never be afraid.to tell.them..and live with no guilt.and no reegret.. Love you..cherish your memories.
And now I’m crying with you… I was there for my father in law, grandmother, stepdad, and Mom. Also caring for other family and friends along the way. It’s the hardest and most rewarding thing one can do, and I never want to do it again. But I probably will.
During Mom’s brief 1 month of hospice I was able to witness some miraculous things at the end. Those things I still remember vividly 18 years later. I have always appreciated that time.
I am glad you had that time also Tiffany. Sending you and Paris so much love & light. ❤
Tiffany,
I had first found laughter in watching your clips. They were so brutally honest about anxiety and depression, yet portrayed so hysterically! Then, the more I watched the more I began to earn your story. The one video, you posted in the middle of the night, about addicts and their loved ones..that hit home. My 23 year old son has struggled with addiction for 9 years now. There has been good, better and wonderful times and sad, horrible, gut wrenching times too. Your story doesn’t only give hope to those struggling with addiction but you give their mothers hope too!
I am a hospice nurse. And like I whisper to my patients when that time is coming close.
“Do this in your time, and your way.” And they often do.❤️
You may not have done the things you thought you “should have” in the past. BUT you were there, that’s all that matters. All that good stuff you didn’t say then, find peace you can perfect those thoughts and say them when you are reunited with that loved one.
And the most important…the MOST important take away is this, you KNOW you can do it going forward. Just keep telling those you love, that you love them…and there will be no regrets.
Keep on keeping on lady!
I am so sorry for your loss. And so very proud of you. Take all the time you need away from all of us while you take care of you and your beautiful family. Know we love and adore you and I know I will be here when you feel the time is right to return. God bless you and your family.
Dear one, ive Hospiced 5 family members and can understand what you are experiencing. Now I feel blessed to be present at such a blessed occasion of one’s going home.
Your gift of word expresses for us that lack your gift.
I see you, with no judgement, only love. Sending you light and love my dear.
So sorry for your loss! My heart breaks for you! I hope the closure you accomplished, will bring you much peace. One day at a time sweetie. The most random things will trigger your sadness, just when u think you’ve got it figured out. My dad died March of last year. He walked in the hospital to follow up on labs, had a stroke while there,
diagnosed with advanced Leukemia and died 4 days later. We didn’t get to say goodbye while he was awake because of covid restrictions at the hospital, but we were called in at the last minute, literally, and were there for his last breath. I will never forget it and am left feeling like I needed to say so much. All this to say, I get it. Always tell people u love, how u feel. I hope u find peace. Lean on your babies. Hugs!
The way you are able to write how you feel is healing & also helping others navigate similar devastations.
You are so strong but sometimes feeling the emotions you are going through instead of burying them has a way of finding peace & some comfort through hard times. We sometimes feel the need to be strong for others & then the weight of carrying others takes its tole on your sole. Everyone deals with things differently & there is no wrong or right. Do what’s best for you & your family at the time that’s all you can do.
Beautifully written Tiffany. I too, have experienced hospice with my mom, then with my sister. It’s heartbreaking and so raw. Thank you for sharing your story.
Loss is so hard. You are courageous to face it head on and sober. What an amazing journey of growth and dealing with loss. It’s truly inspiring!
My heart breaks for your loss, but, what a beautifully chronicled journey of growth and love for you… and for your family.
I’m positive that your stepdad (dad)… is telling everyone on the other side how far you’ve come and how proud he is of you… but I’m sure they’re all looking at him like. Well duh, we’ve been watching over her and her family….
I know that sounds hokey, but I do believe that’s how it is on some level….
I’m so glad you said all of the things you wanted to…. May he Rest In Peace… God Bless kiddo…
Grieve in your own way in your own time…. You don’t owe us anything 🙏❤️🙏
Home run straight into my heart. Thank you for sharing. Breath. Xo
I’m so sorry for your loss(es). I can identify with so much of what you’ve said here. My thoughts are with you as you navigate life and mourning.
I feel like you are speaking for me so often, but his time especially. My mom also died at 47, my sister at 38 and my grandma 2 years ago. All were my closest family at the time and I felt the same-never had the courage to say how I really felt. I hope they knew.
So sorry for your loss! Just read your post, beautiful said❤️
I lost my mom and dad and scant believe I have to live without them I love them so much . I took care of people on hospice and it’s a very sad somber feeling . After my parents passed my dad 2010 my mom 2018 I just couldn’t not do home care anymore I just changed ;( my heart has a hole that can never be fixed. Iam so glad u were able to finally spill your heart Iam sure he loved every word u spoke and it gave him great comfort xoxoxoxo
My heart just breaks for you. I admire you for all that you have been able to overcome. I’m so sorry for this sad loss. Please receive my condolences. May he Rest In Peace. Sending hugs and praying for you and your family during this difficult time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Be gentle with yourself while you grieve and just keep breathing one breath at a time. I’ll be thinking of you.
It is a beautiful and sacred thing to hold the hand of a loved one as they are dying and tell them how much you love them and what they meant to you. It is heartbreaking and difficult and beautiful and something you will never regret. And if you can, tell them all those things before that final day so they carry that joy through the remaining days of their life.
Your thoughts are achingly familiar. My father passed in 2016, and I remember about 6 weeks before that he and I sat in his kitchen. His time here was coming to an end sooner than I could have imagined. He was declining but I was not aware – he was at all times conscious of NOT divulging how truly compromised he really was feeling. I could not have known that only a month later he would be recommended for hospice care. As we sat, he took my hands in his and just held them. His blue eyes were both warm and yet hauntingly slightly empty, and he smiled a bit but I knew he was on the edge of an incredible sadness. I could not look at him. My eyes darted to his strong but now feeble hands, briefly to his face, then to somewhere (anywhere) else. He said my name once, then again – and I could tell he was overwhelmed with All Things Left Unsaid.
I traveled the few hours to my home, and that was the last I saw him on this earth. We spoke a few times before his death, but always there were so many things left unsaid.
Just before he entered hospice care, he breathed his last, in the shortest daylight of the year, mid-December. But I will never have a light like his to guide and comfort again.
What a precious gift that you shared sweet and sincere words before your loved one passed on. Thank you for encouraging others to do so. Prayers for your sadness.
Tiffany-
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 9 years ago, when she was only 59 years old. I miss her everyday. My children were so little when she passed that their memories of her are from the stories that my sisters and I have shared with them. I wish I had said more before she passed, but I hold onto the last thing we said to each other was ‘I love you’
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers
Your story resonates with me so much. Like you, I’ve also had regret of not being there or saying what was in my heart before losing a loved one to cancer. My adoptive father is currently being slowly taken from us due to cancer as well and it pains me to see him go through this. Your story gives me encouragement to be brave and say what I need to say before he’s gone forever. Thank you for sharing…
Keeping you in my thoughts. May the memories of your loved ones last a thousand lifetimes for you. After my oldest daughter was murdered 10 yrs ago this July I made the decision that I was not going to stop talking about her because of how it may hurt people to hear her name or make them feel bad. I decided I would speak about my daughter everyday as she is still in my life and I make sure that even though a couple of my Grandchildren never met their Aunt Jamie, they too know who she is. Your loved ones know how you felt and know you wanted to say those things to them. They heard you tell your dad and know you were speaking to them also. They are proud to watch you grow as a person and raise your children. Keep their memories alive and they too will always be a part of your children’s lives. Talking about your loved ones and remembering the times you had with them good and bad lets you still feel them around you. Going through the loss of someone you loved may feel like you cant breath or take the heart break, I tell myself I was so lucky to have that person in my life for any amount of time that I would go through the heartbreak again rather to not have had them in my life at all. Let your heart grow with memories and you will never be alone. May Memories bring a smile to your heart.
I’m soooo glad that you were able to experience that peace with your other dad! It makes me sad though that you haven’t forgiven yourself for how it was when your mom died. I am praying for the same peace to fill you about your mom that you were filled with recently. Know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are loved so much!
What a beautifully bittersweet journey. I am so very sorry for your loss but happy you were able to feel joy and during this time. I am so glad you shared this story and like you, I did not say a lot of things I wish I had to people who truly mattered to me. I lost my father in law, whom I was very close with, to cancer as well. I feel such a void and I wish I said and did a few things that I didn’t. Thank you for sharing your heartfelt and personal stories with us. Stay strong and love harder than ever! We love you ♥️
Thank you for sharing your life past and present with us. You are an inspiration and I so appreciate your vulnerability. I will pray for you as you navigate through this painful time. Hugs!
I lost my big sister in 2020. She was 12 years older than me and was not quite 72 yet. We had been estranged for years due to family squabbles but had reunited for the past 15 or so. Life is short. I still have one sister who is 10 years older than me. I am happy I have her but it is so hard to be just 2 of us now.
I believe that in the next phase of life, after they pass, our loved ones know what feel and know our true hearts. I have many things that went unsaid but am okay with that. I have addiction issues that I dealt with and done things I am not proud of.
I will keep you in my heart and thoughts!
I’m not sure that I have ever loved a stranger more than I love you right now. This post is so raw and true to heart as anything I’ve ever read. I’ve followed you the past few years and have loved your honesty and wittiness, but this post is absolutely beautiful. I found such beauty in my own Dads struggle and fight with cancer. His last days were such a gift to me as hard as it was physically and emotionally. I love you lady! Take care of You! I will look forward to your return to entertain whenever you are ready! May God Bless and Comfort you.
I’m so sorry for your loss but understand fully how you feel that you did things differently now I lost my Mom to cancer when I was 23, she was 40 and hospice will forever sadden me I was so young and didn’t know the things to say or ask and have spent my next 24 years wishing I had I also have a step dad who came into my life when I was 7 and I cannot imagine losing him but I hope I am brave and strong to not leave anything unsaid if that happens I also laugh my way through life but sometimes laughs just don’t come anymore I have loved reading your posts and laughing with you and love that you are on so many levels, a beautiful soul Hugs
So beautifully written ❤️❤️❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. I know that feeling of being orphaned. A strange word we use because we are grown ass woman at this point. But none the less that is how it feels. I am super happy you were able to tell him how you felt. No regrets Thank you for sharing your world with us. One day at a time…….
You are an awesome young lady, thank you for sharing your heart, you are not alone. Hugs and God bless. So sorry for your w.