Trigger Warning – Death of a loved one.
I wanted to update everyone on where things are in my life, but I also feel like I want to keep most of it private and close to my heart. I will try to word this in a general sense, rather than speak specifically about my relationship with those involved.
The word “hospice” never fails to send a chill down my spine. It’s so much more than losing a loved one. It’s tear-soaked eyes, hushed voices, unanswered questions, anger, exhaustion, prolonged emotional agony, wondering, wishing……..Waiting.
My first encounter with hospice was when my grandmother was sick with cancer. I was in my early twenties and had gone to visit her. I remember laughing as she pointed the television remote toward the large glass window on the opposite side of the room, mumbling incoherently about the television being broken. I thought she was being silly, but when I noticed that no one else in the room found it as amusing as I had, I realized that somehow in the span of two days, she’d forgotten what a television was.
My mother explained that she was comfortable and at the end of her life, so very soon she would no longer be able to speak. She comforted me by reminding me that my grandfather, as well as my paternal grandmother would be waiting to welcome her at the gates of Heaven. She urged me to talk to her and say what I wanted to say before it was too late. It felt awkward and uncomfortable…So I didn’t.
Less than a year later, I stood beside the bed of my 47-year-old mother as she drew her last breath. This was my second encounter with hospice. Cancer had taken her at an offensively early age and a startlingly short time. On her last day I opened my mouth to say all the things I needed to say to her before she was gone, but the words wouldn’t come out. At this point I was hopelessly addicted to drugs and unsure of what to say. I wasn’t there for my mother during her sickness and couldn’t “bear” to see her in such a frail state. So, I stayed away.
I’ve forgiven myself for most of the things I’ve done while on drugs, but my lack of action during this time she needed me most is unforgivable–for now anyway.
Six years later, I was sober and present for my father as he laid in the hospice bed, resting peacefully at the end of his life. He had waited for all of us to leave the building before he took his final breath, but we were lucky enough to hold his hand afterward and say goodbye. I imagine he was already drifting to his next destination at this point, but it still felt healing to kiss his forehead one last time.
I hadn’t once managed to say the things I needed to–or should have said. I never wanted to have those conversations with them because it would be acknowledging the fact that they were dying. So instead, we had surface-level conversations and danced around the giant elephant in the room. When they were gone, they were gone and all that remained were all the unspoken words that will forever live in my mind with no place to go.
My mother had met and married a man when I was nine years old. He was a police officer, and my sister and I lived with him and my mother full time. He stepped up to raise us when my father wasn’t able to. He was there for my fifth-grade graduation, my first boyfriend and my first heartbreak. He drove me back and forth to my first job, cheerleading practices and cooked my date and I a delicious meal before the homecoming dance. He taught me how to drive a car, cook a killer egg sandwich, and most importantly, how to love another person’s children as if they were my own.
After my mother passed away, My stepfather eventually remarried and decided to retire from the police force and move to a lakehouse in Georgia. He allowed my family and I to move into the home he was leaving behind here–for next to nothing. He just wanted to know we were safe.
He has a name, but from the time they were born my children called him grandpa. I’m sure my father and mother wouldn’t have minded, but even if they had, I wouldn’t have been able to get the kids to call him anything else. They adore him. We visit him at the lakehouse often and have created some memories that will last a lifetime.
As I stood by his hospice bed this week, holding his hand and making jokes to lighten the somber mood in the house, I decided to do something different than I’d ever done.
The words flew from my lips with urgency and determination. I thanked him for all of the things he had done for me over the past 27 years. I promised him my children would know him, assured him we would keep his memory alive, and told him beautifully personal, sacred and special things that I won’t share here. He responded, “Take care of my grandbabies for me”, and many other heartbreakingly moving things that I may not have gotten to hear if we hadn’t had this conversation. We acknowledged the truth about what was happening with him and cried together for a bit before he drifted back to sleep.
My tears were not tears of sadness. They were tears of joy and peace. For the first time in my life I was able to leave nothing left unsaid with someone I cared deeply about… before I missed the chance.
I’m sure my mother was there to meet him with open arms yesterday when he left, and by now he has probably told her all about how silly, loving and adorable her grandkids are.
Experiencing loss changes a person forever. Experiencing the loss of most of my core family members puts me in a strange position. At times I feel lost, uprooted, orphaned, alone and heartbroken. But I know my family wouldn’t want me to cease existing in their absence.
So, I will continue to march on, telling everyone I love how much I love them as often as I can. I will always say the things that need to be said and give the compliments that need to be given. I’m going to drop the people who bring me anything other than peace and joy, and love those remaining folks as fiercely and urgently as I can.
This post was mainly a way for me to get my thoughts out onto paper, but also, I suppose, a gentle reminder to surround yourself with people who bring you joy, tell them how wonderful they are as often as you can, and never, ever, ever, feel embarrassed or ashamed to say what you feel to the people you love while you can.
Thank you for your patience with me as I navigate this season of my life.
Beautifully said. Just lost my mom March 4 after brief hospice care. We were glad she was in her own home being cared for by the people that loved her best.
Tiffany,
I am so sorry for your loss but I am grateful you were able to express your feelings. It is a great thing. I lost my youngest son, Justin, to the diseases of addiction and mental illness on 2/2/2020. He was in recovery but that relapse took his life with fentanyl laced cocaine. I now make sure everyone around me knows how much I love and appreciate them. Life is way too short. I wish you peace and love in the coming days.
Maureen McRae
mackasmission.com
You are a amazing soul! I’m sorry you have to share such a private life event with us but am equally grateful that you did. Sending love, light, prayers and positive vibes to you and your family!
I’m so sorry. I just recently lost my husband, suddenly, to Covid. He was my world. One year before that, I lost my Mom. I feel so alone in the world. I’m heartbroken and at a loss of what to do with my life, now. Thanks for sharing your story. It helps to know I’m not alone in my grief. Life is hard. Take care.
Louanne, you are not alone! Your mom and husband live on and you will see signs of them in funny things people say, songs that remind you of them, and the smell of their favorite foods cooking. Talk to them often and you will feel them with you. Do things to honor their memory. I’ve experienced the loss of those closest to me and know how you feel. Sending love and prayers your way!
Tiffany what a great job you did loving yourself enough to feel all the feelings and have that final conversation with your dying second father! I appreciate and admire that you shared your journey with your loved ones while they were in hospice.
You are not alone in wishing you were present or spoke up to loved ones before they passed, whatever the reason you did not. Forgive yourself and tell them now. I believe they hear you!
Time marches on and before you are ready you are the core of the family, all the while reflecting the love and the hope from those that created you. Love lives on😘
Buried my Dad almost a week ago. Feels like a whole generation is gone now…
Louanne, I am so sorry! Ditto to Sarah’s comments! Lean on others, as well. Hugs to you too
Tiffany I’m so sorry, I lost half my family before the age of 12.. I know what your pain is and I feel it with you.. Sending you love
Beautiful Tiffany absolutely beautifully said! My heart goes out to you and your family at this time. ❤️
Tiffany, Wow, just Wow.
You articulate your words so delicately and with passion. Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do. Watch both my parents pass was certainly not easy, but I was there and able to say my goodbyes. Unfortunately, I was not able to with my husband and there are so many unanswered questions. All in time.
I am so so glad you opened us to your step dad. You will treasure that moment & bond for a life time. May you feel heartfelt warm & comforting prayers a you mourn this loss. God Bless you
Thank you for sharing this very private and moving part of your heart. I will take your advice and pay more attention to loved ones and less to anyone who takes without giving. My mom is the only one left. I can’t even mentally go there…… You’re all in my prayers for peace and comfort.
This resonates with me as I just lost my mom on March 9th and we also had hospice. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to say what needed to be said and exchange goodbyes with my mother. I am in tears as I’m writing this. It’s never easy to lose someone you love but if you get that opportunity to acknowledge the transition and say goodbye you are very lucky! Very sorry for all of your losses Tiffany. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Tiffany for sharing this. It has given me something to think about as my parents age. I was with my son in hospice when he took his last breath, he was 24 years old and died of a drug overdose. He had been deemed brain dead for several weeks before his death. Wow I did speak to him, he was not able to return any thoughts or responses and for that I was greatly saddened. I take comfort in knowing that somehow I believe he heard me deep in his soul. Praying for you and your family!
I am in awe of you. You have said volumes and learned so much and put it all to good use. Life has served you well and you’ve grown and learned to be an amazing human. Thank you for sharing your story. I too have been there. Thank you for being able to express yourself so beautifully. I’ve struggled with talking on the surface for years and never letting myself really feel. Bless you. Thank you.
You….♥️ thank you.
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my oldest son to an OD on December 9th of 2021. Its still so hard to deal with as I was the one to find him. He had been sober for 9 months. Part of my soul died with him. Love and hugz to you and your family. Hold those memories close.
Everything you shared is beautiful- my dad was on Hospice at the end of his journey on earth- having him home, close, with his family literally holding him- was heartbreakingly beautiful 💕 many hugs to you
What a beautiful tribute and also a testament to how you have been able to navigate through these tough times in your life. Thank you for keeping it real! I need to see and hear these realities which help me with navigating through mine. You are an inspiration to many! God bless you and may His overwhelming peace and comfort surround you and your family at this time.
Balling! This is so beautiful 💗 I’m so sorry for your loss.So happy you were able to not leave things unsaid. What a gift for both of you. The gifts of sobriety just keep on giving.
Death and grief are such important parts of life.
I’m sorry for your loss. Praying for peace at this difficult time.❤🙏
Dear Tiffany . I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m pleased that you was able to express all your thoughts and feelings . And I hope it will bring you comfort and peace at such a difficult time. I’ve lost my mother through addiction . And know at age 53 I have no blood related relatives o family alive. The feeling of orphan, loneliness, and lost is so real and painful at times. I’ve never had the courage to say all the things I’ve wanted to my mother before she past and I regret. I’m so thankful for my children and husband. Sending love and hugs.you are a wonderful human being and I dream one to meet you.
Your an amazing person ! I too watched my Aunt slip away on hospice.. hang in there … Your so strong and bring so much laughter and healing to this world !! Love you … Sending much love and comfort your way !!
Wow , I’m so glad you weren’t afraid to tell him everything on your heart. My dad passed almost 2 years ago and I wasn’t able to bring myself to do the same . I felt like if I did he would be “reminded” that he was dying , as if he didn’t already know. I wish so much that I had laid it all out , but I didn’t. Be proud of yourself for saying what needed to be said ❤️
God bless your family Tiffany 💙💔 We lost our mother two yrs ago. She was at her home on hospice. My husband and I moved back home. I really wished I would’ve talked to her more than I did. She knew we were there at the end. Before she passed we did get to take a couple within Oregon trips. For that I will be forever grateful ❤️ Our stories are a lot alike. My sister and I are living in the house that they bought and remolded. Including a barn and garage. I think and miss them everyday. A person learns a lot more about your parents after they are gone! I will forever be thankful for the parents we had. I’m sending big air hugs and love❤️ It’s not an easy time but I’m thankful your kids got to meet him and spend time at his place. Much love❤️❤️
So sorry for the loss of your second dad.
My parents have been gone a long time but I still miss them terribly.
They never got to meet my Grand-babies
I will send up a prayer for you and your family in this time of pain and loss. Just remember to SHOW your love everyday to the people you care about.
Blessings on you and yours.
Thank you for sharing this. I heard the best summary of grief recently “Grief is all the unexpressed love” or something to that effect. I think of this almost daily as I grieve about different things…. And I hope it helps you, too. <3
“Huggers” as my dad would always say
My deepest condolences to you and your family
Sending prayers and hugs to you all 🙏💕
Hi tiffany im so sorry for yoyr loss
May good memories and knowing he is in peace help ease your pain durning this difficult time. Losing someone is never easy. Take all the time you need to heal. Grief is hard but you will get through it, one step at a time.
I lost my grandpa to lung cancer in 2011. He was on hospice for a very short time. He stepped up to raise us when my dad couldn’t. That was my first experience of death with someone I loved dearly. I am 8 months sober and I lost my brother on March 19th 2022 to an overdose. I wish so badly I was able to tell him the things I’ve so longed to tell him. He left this world too early and we are left to pick up the pieces with so many questions. So many unsaid things. I’m so sorry you lost your dad but I’m happy you got to tell him everything you could have easily left unsaid. My prayers are with you as you navigate the next few weeks and months 💔 as I know it will not be easy
You have been so open and beautifully honest with all of us, and I cannot help but cry for your loss. I am also cheering for you for opening your soul and your heart to your 2nd Daddy, so he can leave, peacefully and feeling very, very loved. Feelings are hard to express, they are hard to share, they are hard… period. I was robbed of the chance to say goodbye to my hero, because he passed before I could get to him. What a Blessing you were given to have so many people who love you unconditionally, wholly, and without reservation. Rest your heart, now, for those who passed without hearing you say the words you were feeling. I am sure God has them all written down, and showed them all how your heart felt, what your heart said when you couldn’t say it out loud. Sending you a warm hug, and some peaceful thoughts to help you through this time of loss and grief. Thank you for showing me the beautiful side of addiction and recovery. I cannot express enough how much you have changed my life. For the ones I lost to addiction, to the ones who are now struggling with addiction, I say I am here for you and I offer support, Love and acceptance. I only hope I can be as much of an inspiration to others as you are to me.
Thank you for sharing this message. Your beautiful words are such an inspiration for all of us! Hugs and prayers for you and your family.
I, too have experienced the death of both my parents. 2006, my dad, then 2009 my mom. Here we are in 2022 and at times it still stings. My mom and I were good friends that enjoyed being together and when I see a mom/daughter out and about I get a huge lump in my throat. There’s a bit of envy that I don’t have mom here with me but then there’s gratitude for the times we had.
God bless you in your healing process and you are so fortunate that you were able to share your thoughts with your stepdad.
I’ve been so worried about you. I know nothing anyone says will take your pain away from losing a loved one. I am truly sorry for you & your families lose. Thank You for sharing your deepest, darkest thoughts & feelings. You are loved by so many people for being honest & open about your life. Big hug to you !! You, Meredith & Deana brighten peoples lives with your funny every-day life videos. Take care of yourself ! ❤️
All of our sincerest condolences to you & your family. The hardest part of death is the grief left behind, but they also leave memories, good and bad. I am so happy to hear you were able to get those words out when you needed to most. I hope I am as strong to do the same when the time comes for me to do it. I will remember this story to give me strength that I can.
They will all always be with you, carry that proudly. Share their words of wisdom and embarrassing but funny stories. They will always be alive with you, part of you, continuously shaping who you are, even after their time on earth.
And continue to talk to them. They hear you.
Tiff, I am so sorry. I’m praying for you and yours right now. Love you friend.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us! I think your experience to NOT address the elephant in the room earlier with your Mom and Dad is what the majority of us do. And later we regret it and have to live with that regret and guilt for years. I had a very similar experience with my parents. I wasn’t able to tell my Dad how I really felt. I was struggling with the conflicting feelings of love and hate and a lifetime of emotional wounding when Dad had a stroke and passed 2.5 torturous years later. When Mom was dying from cancer I was able to tell her how grateful I was for all she’d been to me and how much I loved her. She expressed her gratitude and love for me too. There were lots of tears, but I had the same feelings as you afterwards. Knowing there was nothing left unsaid when she passed made it so much easier for me to handle her death. I lost her almost 18 years ago. I love and miss her so much but there’s an underlying peace around her death that in itself is a real gift.
Hey sweet Tiffany, I am so sorry for your loss. Your words were beautifully and perfectly said. It was almost like you were reading my heart. A lot of what you said was very close to my experience. You have a amazing way of dealing with each bump as they come. You are so inspiring to me. I am very grateful that you have this page. You have helped me more than you will ever know. Thank you. God bless you and keep you. You are amazingly strong. Hang in there. Be good to you. Remember this is all temporary. Love you♥️
Thanks for sharing your heart. Most of us have experienced gut wrenching grief that we feel we will never get over. Yet as years go by, we match on. I never want to forget those I have lost and how much they have affected who I am! Sadly I feel like I have lost my youngest, not to death, but to drugs, alcohol and mental issues. That is so hard! But again I must live my life, pray for his recovery and keep shining my light for God! Thanks so much for your honesty in sharing real life stories.
I have watched both of my parents die. It is one of the most heartbreaking things that I had ever felt. My daddy was only sick for a week before he passed. We made the decision to stop life support. Watching the strongest man I ever knew fighting to not die still haunts me almost 17 years later.
In Mid September early October of 2021 my Momma was diagnosed with stage IV adrenal Carcinoma. She was given 3 months. My sister and I took care and f her with the help from Hospice. Watching her deteriorate so quickly was horrible. The days she would ask me if she were dying and having to say yes and watching her cry broke me. Even with the high doses of medicine we’re not enough to relieve her pain. I swear my body felt every ounce of pain that she went through. Then she got to the point where she couldn’t communicate and those days were heart wrenching. On November 30th she succumbed to the cancer. I honest have not been ok since. I miss my Momma and Daddy so so much. I feel your pain and hope and pray we can all for me a little peace. But I also know we will grieve them and miss them until we take our last breath.
Thank you for sharing more of your story. Hugs for your heart.
Tiffany,
I read your post with tears in my eyes…. But determined to read it nevertheless. I have experienced so many huge losses in my lifetime and I too, missed saying all the things I wanted, and needed to say. My heart has been utterly shattered for so long. I am an empath, and feel things so deeply I can’t even breathe. Your words helped me to release the pain and anger I have carried for so long. My deepest sympathies to your for having to endure another great loss.
I am sorry for your loss(es) all at such a young age you have to experience this. 😢
I’m so sorry for your loss and felt rejoiced at your personal growth moment of doing something different. Standing by while someone leaves this earth is a privilege and I had to learn that even in the clumsy way we sometimes do it, just being there is what matters the most. There will come a time we all will lay in that bed and I guess we will hope the people standing around us will do exactly what you did with him. The reminder of how much you were loved will allow us to close our eyes in peace.
Tiffany,
Sending you a huge hug to carry. I have been in your shoes and am so proud of you. Make sure to allow yourself to cry. It’s good for us to process the grief.
I wish I could have told my Mom that I would miss her. I had made all of my ammends years before but looking back just simply wished I had told her that.
I have 19 yrs sober. Life still happens and it hurts.
My Mom passed in hospice this past August and I still have days when I simply cry.
My father passed of cancer may yrs ago and yes the orphan feeling is real.
Sendy hugs and love ❤️
Cindy
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
I wish I didn’t understand how you feel, but unfortunately, I do. I lost my father in August of last year, and while the EMS was preparing to take him away from his bedroom and my mother was screaming/crying in the next room I held his hand and talked to him about everything I wanted to say, needed to say. I told him we would be okay, and that it was okay to go. I told him that I loved him. His heart was no longer beating and I know he was already gone but I had to say it. I wish, wish, wish I didn’t understand how you feel.
Thank you for letting us into your life. You give breath to many.
Been thinking of you. Congratulations on letting it all out. I’m sure he loved to hear it all♥️
Breath.
You are loved
The thing with living sober is that one is unable (and doesn’t want to really!) to use a glass of wine or a good stiff drink to take the edge off, escape, numb the pain a little like some “normies” can with little consequence. Instead we face the pain of difficult life events stone cold sober. Here’s hoping that you stay sober through it all and may you go through your journey of grief much more gracefully than I did. (((Big hug)))
Tiffany,
The most precious thing about life and death is that our loved ones understand without words needed. Their love of you lives on through you, your siblings and the children. I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our Dad a week ago Mon but it was a very long and painful goodbye because of Alzheimers. Sending you and your beautiful family love and prayers from ours.
My last really close relative that passed was my grandfather. It was 6 years ago, while I was pregnant with my son. His passing was two weeks before I gave birth and since he was so far away, I wasn’t physically able to be there. I once wrote afterwards that I’ve never believed in ghost stories until then. But the true ghost story was being haunted by all the things you didn’t say. Taking for granted all the time you thought you had left. And then finding out the hard way, you were wrong.
I’m so glad you got to say what you needed.
Oh Tiffany, I feel your pain. I’m so sorry for your loss but how amazing how you handled it. No words left unsaid!
My Dad succumbed to his illness (MSA) in 2017, 2 days later after my husband left me for another woman. Me and my 2 boys are stronger now but the grief never goes away fully.
I wish your nothing but the best as you are so amazing!!
Tiffany I’m so happy that you got to be there for your other dad and say what was on your heart. I lost my mom to cancer in June of 2008. I live with the regret that I couldn’t be there when she passed and to tell her how much i loved her and what a wonderful person she was. When my mother in law was on her death bed I was able to pour out my heart to her and thank her for treating me just like a daughter and for raising such a good son. I hope to do the same for my dad someday.
Your words made me cry and think of all the things I wish I could would have told my mom before she’s died. I’m sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story.
Hey Tiffany,
I am so sorry for your great loss. I too lost the best and most important person in my life on February 12th. My father had been healthy all his life, so this quick end was shocking and we are still in disbelief. But as you seem to believe as well, I know he is dancing in heaven with his brothers and parents having a wonderful time. But, of course, I still selfishly want him here with us.
You’re postings have brought me such laughter and thought provoking commentary. Thanks for being you and sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly and just for keeping it real.
I wanna be invited to game night with your sister! Lol Ok, now I made it weird. Sorry…lol
Hugs and compassion and prayers on the way to you all.
I’m in tears. I love you and your family. You’re such a beautiful and brave human being. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this with everyone. I second and third everything you said in your closing statements!!! Stay strong!!!
My thoughts and prayers for you and your family at this time. You are an amazing person! I loved your words! Being able to truly open up to him made me tear up. I don’t know you personally, but I feel your story is a lot like my family. Definitely brings me joy, honestly, if that makes sense.
So sorry for your loss……..
Tiffany, Your words are my words. My Mom passed last March 13th and I finally said what I needed to say. It was hard, real hard. But I am comforted that I did it. I also do not keep those around wo do not bring joy but anguish and misery. Life is too short. Thanks for your honesty and sincerity. You are an inspiration.
Sending love and strength.
This was so moving and powerful. I feel this deeply coming from personal experience. My nana died on April 17th, 14 years ago. We found out she had stage 4 liver cancer with weeks to live. The first thing I did was write her a long letter telling her how much I loved her and thanking her for all of the things she helped me with. I wrote how important she was to our family and all of my most cherished memories of her. It brought so much peace and closure knowing she knew I how felt about her.
What you did with your other dad no doubt meant the entire world to him, that and bringing laughter and love to his side as he journeyed on from this life. ❤️ I am sorry for the void he leaves behind.
Tiffany, I truly feel your pain. Keep in mind that your first loss was just that – your first loss! Since you had no previous experience with this, you just may not have known what to do or say. Don’t be too hard on yourself – I’d say at that time, you just weren’t yourself.
Always remember to say the loving things to those you love, no matter the circumstance, and guard the harsh things you’re thinking, and make an informed decision about whether you speak those thoughts or not. You’re really doing OK in your deep thinking.
My mother passed in December of 2017 and had been widowed since 1988. She was a widow for almost 30 years. Although I knew she was sad from time-to-time, I never heard her complain about her circumstances! Never.
I now wish I had spoken more in-depth to her about this because I’m still amazed that she was so resilient and faithful. She accepted her fate in life and went on to live a full, prosperous, loving life. I miss her terribly and wish I had spent more time with her while she lived. You can certainly do that with your loved ones … because now you know!
You’re so inspiring and a good example to others. Keep up the good work. Love ya girl!
So beautifully spoken! Thank you for the transparency and authentic way you have nudged me to press forward. I am so sorry for your incredible loss, but celebrate with you that you could articulate the love you hold in your heart!
That was very beautifully written. It was heart wrenching and touching at the same time. I lost my mom on January 31 of this year after caring for her for two years, she had dementia. I was able to have in home hospice for her the last 6 months of her life and was privileged to be able to care for her myself. Though it was difficult, to say the least, at times I would do it all again. My mom was my best friend and we talked about everything. I was lucky to be able to sit by her bedside in the home we built together till the end. I spent time lying next to her in bed playing her favorite gospel hymns on You Tube and helping her sing along. My mom slipped into a coma two days before she died. I was with her every moment, sleeping in the recliner that I had moved into her room. I have such sweet memories of those last days and I will treasure them forever. I am so happy that you were able to spend the time with your stepfather at the end and were able to tell him all the things you wanted to say. God bless you in your grief and I will pray for you that He will give you peace and grace to get through this difficult time.
Thank you for sharing your hospice stories of love and loss with us. It’s such a painful road to walk, this long road of Goodbye. I’m so sorry for all the deaths you grieve – each one special, each one cutting deep to your heart in a different way. Sending much love to your grieving heart, dear lady. 💙💙
I lost my husband to CoVid last 01 May. I had been with my Dad and my brother for their last breathes…. but this hit different. It meant I am someone new. Not a part of an us. And I haven’t found her yet. Your words help. These specific words helped very much. I am toying around the edges of getting sober…. and this is just another place that you have shown. Different, better outcome in that sober space. Ofcourse, I don’t know you, but like so many others, I see a lot of myself in you — and I am proud of you. And thankful to you, for putting your rawness into poetry.
I pray that God gives you the strength to continue moving forward in your life journey with your beautiful children. And to let them know what a beautiful family they have in heaven.
Beautiful words Tiffany. So many if us struggle with ” what do I say” when a loved one is nearing the end of earthly life. So don’t be too hard on yourself.
I love you.I love your honesty about your life when it is just as easy to say “It is all fine. I’m fine”. Your sharing helps others to know we are not alone in life’s battles.
God bless you and you family richly this Easter season. Keep on keeping on.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s something I’ve had to deal with just last month w my Dad who passed from a heart attack unexpectedly . I’m struggling knowing I can’t tell him how I feel, I know he knows but I do wish I could have said I love you one last time. My heart hurts every time I think of him and this letter you wrote was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing and if you read this, thank you for being real.
You have a beautiful way with words and I cry as I am writing this. I too am a recovering addict (clean over 30 years now) and I too have lost my core family, (Grandparents, Father, Mother and at the ripe age of 50 my husband and best friend of almost 30 years) There were so many things left unspoken before their deaths. I wanted to apologize to my parents for the hell I put them through during my addiction years. ( late Teens to 21) and I wanted to thank my husband for being my knight in shining armor that carried me away from all of that mess…but like you I struggled to talk about those things, so I those words were never spoken.
I applaud you for finally letting your words out with your step dad, I’m sure it brought much peace to both of you! You are a wonderful inspiration to me! Keep being you…funny, open and honest <3 <3
Prayers for comfort and healing!! Hugs!!
a million thank yous for writing this ❤️
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate. My condolences to you and your family. Make sure you take care of you too.
Wow, my heart breaks to hear this but then I am so glad you was able to finally speak your heart. I have had hospice experience when my mother died so I know what that’s like. I have photos just like you do, and my mother kept hanging on until I spoke to her, I don’t know if she knew who i was days before they transferred her from a nursing home to hospice. But she kept hanging on for something, so I finally spoke to her and told her who I was in case she didn’t know I was there and I told her my thoughts and shared my love and reassured her I would take care of my family because that was her job she was the one that held us together. After I told her all the things I wanted to she finally took her last breath and went peacefully. I hope you heal from this and continue living a joyful life because that’s what your family wants you to do. I am proud of you for getting clean, I also know that struggle. I pray you stay clean and never return back to that life. I love watching your videos, you bring joy to so many people. Keep up the love and laughter and may God bless you and your family!!!!
So beautifully said. I’m so sorry for your losses! You have had so many losses at such a young age. So thankful you found your voice and were able to share this time. It’s just so tough sometimes trying to find the right words to say! I bet they’re all together cheering you on as they watch your babies grow!