So I haven’t written in a bit and my fingers have been itching to get some thoughts down on paper. Whew, what a crazy week it’s been, huh? Since I posted my “Eyebrow Stamp” video on my Facebook Page, things have been poppin’ off! I have gained like 700 something new followers and my vids are being shared all over the place.
It has been super fun to see how many moms can relate to my shenanigans, and I’m grateful for the platform I’ve been given to let other hardworking moms know that they are not alone in the obstacles that pop up while facing the daunting task of raising children.
Speaking of, is anyone familiar with having an “Ah-ha” moment? It’s a moment of sudden insight or discovery. We have all had one at some point or another and when we do, it can change everything.
This morning, I experienced something similar, except it was more of an “Ah-S**t” moment.
I was suddenly overcome with the realization that I f***ed up, and upon experiencing this revelation, I knew something had to change, and quick. Here’s what happened.
I woke my son up for school, and instead of greeting me with a “Good morning, mommy”, he began shrieking as if I was tearing his limbs off one by one.
“Hey, woah, calm down buddy, it’s time to get up” I gently whispered, rubbing his back.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don’t do dat! Lee me awone!” he wailed, rolling over and ignoring me.
I nervously glance out the bedroom door and see Chloe running around with a chocolate chip waffle she stole off her brothers plate, smearing chocolate all over the walls and sofa while Aubrey is yelling across the house about how she can’t find her back pack.
Deep breath, Momma, you got this.
“Kaiden, get up. Now” I said sternly this time. The clock was ticking and my anxiety was rising.
“No! Top it. Weave me awone!”
“You want a waffle, Bud?”
“If you wake up now you can have a lollipop on the way to school”
“Noooooo!!! Goooo away!”
“Honey, you have to get up. You wanna watch Mickey?” I said as a last resort, (he could never say no to Mickey).
He jumped up with a huge smile, “Mickey!?” He squealed.
“Ya Buddy, c’mon, if you get dressed you can watch Mickey”.
He began crying again, and not wanting to further damage my ear drums that were already ringing from his shrieks, I quickly grabbed the remote.
“Okay, okay, easy. You can watch Mickey while Mommy gets you dressed” I said, scrambling to pull up OnDemand.
When Mickey began playing, I looked at the smile on his face and was overcome with relief. Thank God, I couldn’t bear to take another second of — then it hit me. Ah-S**t…..
I messed up. I messed up bad. Not just today. Everyday. All the time.
I have spoiled him. In every sense of the word. And it took me this long to realize, I had been messing up. I’m sure most of you reading this realized it right away, but I hadn’t. My love for this little dude blinded me. He’d been taking advantage of me the whole time.
I glanced out the door at my girls. Aubrey had gotten herself dressed to the shoes and was sitting quietly on the couch. Chloe was sitting in the middle of the floor giggling and munching on a waffle. Meanwhile, My son, Kim Kardashian, was staring mindlessly at the T.V. while his servant quietly dressed him, careful not to disturb him.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!
This kid is two freakin’ years old! He is not the boss, I am, so why the hell do I let him dictate how this morning is going to go down? On his terms?
It was as if I had been slapped across the face by the invisible ‘Common Sense’ fairy. Suddenly everything became clear and I realized not only am I enabling this kid to act like a jerk, but his sisters are watching, and I’m giving them a front row seat to the movie “How To Get What You Want By Acting Like An Asshole“.
With a newfound determination I bounded over to the T.V. and shut it off.
“HEYYYYYYYY?!” Kaiden screamed as he collapsed onto the bed kicking his little legs in frustration.
“No, I don’t care, there’s a new Sheriff in town, Buddy, so you better buckle up yer britches ‘cuz things are a’changin ’round here”, I said.
(Okay, I didn’t say that, but when my life is made into a movie that’s how I want my line to go).
I literally dragged him into the van kicking and screaming. He screamed the entire ride to his sister’s school, and then daycare. When I unbuckled him he was covered in sweat and tears and continued to protest until I threw him at his teachers and ran full speed out the door like I was being chased by a swarm of hornets, arms flailing and everything.
I sat quietly in the van for a moment, replaying the mornings events in my head while taking deep, slow breaths in an attempt to slow my blood pressure down. This isn’t the first time this has happened, it happens often.
Wanting to “give myself a break” I thrust a snack into his hand or throw him in front of a T.V. so that I can have a few moments of peace. But this kid is smarter than I realized and over time he has learned that the ear-piercing shrieks and tears will get him exactly what he wants, every time.
I love seeing his eyes light up when he gets something he wants, it makes my soul happy to see my baby happy. But holy s***, he is turning into a bit of an a-hole and there’s no way in hell I’m putting up with 16 more years of this crap.
So, after I write this, I have a plan of action. I am finally doing what I said I’d never do – I’m making a damn schedule for this family.
My laziness and love of spontaneity has kept me from creating a set list of things we are to do at certain times. I have always been a fan of “seeing where the day takes us”, but I realize now, that this leaves room for chaos and rebellion, and I need to nip this thing in the bud, (butt? is it bud or butt?) before it’s too late.
There will be set times we eat.
Minimal screen time depending on behavior throughout the day.
We will have set homework, reading, bath and play times.
And I will be more diligent in bed times.
I am expecting it to be difficult, exhausting and stressful. It’s gonna suck. A lot.
But, I have faith that it will pay off in the end. There’s a difference between making their lives “fun”, and “letting them run the show”, and I have been blurring those lines a bit.
So as I set of to begin the task of organizing the days into a schedule, I ask for prayers and luck to be sent my way. Because as usual, I have no clue what the f*** I’m doing.
Also, if anyone has any advice, tips, or tricks that work for your routines, please help a sista out and leave them in the comments below.
Lastly, if anyone has the number to Nanny 911, I’ll take that too….
You got this!! ? I will say, kids thrive when they have a schedule. My kids do so much better when we do things at “normal” times..but, there is no such thing as a perfect parent, I don’t care what they put on FB..lol We get off track, especially with my work schedule. But, when everyone is having meltdowns or trying to scatch each others faces off, I have my “ah Sh*t” moment..and it goes something like, theyve had happy meals and ice cream twice this week and they are refusing any food that isn’t shaped like chicken nuggets..and, Jack is literally crying bc he has to take a shower and I’m pretty sure if Kinsey was allowed to cuss she would be cussing me out..lol
Just gotta refocus..and let em know! Thank you again for your very honest depictions of being a parent! ?
? Hugs. I’m still trying to figure how to have a shower lol.
Hi! I’m not a parent but I am a behavior therapist, kind of a “nanny 911”. I would like to add a note on positive reinforcement vs. bribery. If your kid doesn’t wake up, cries, then you offer lollipop, then he cries and you up to Mickey…that’s bribery. And you are reinforcing undesired behavior. But! If you are in control and set up expectations, a clear schedule, and offer screen time as a reward to good behavior that is positive reinforcement and it is everything! Catch the kids being good and reward that. They will start engaging in those behaviors more.
I like your blog, you are smart and hilarious. Thanks for entertaining my Sunday morning 🙂
Where have you beeeeeeeeen all my life?!?! Lol. Thank you for the wonderful advice, i will definitely be utilizing it!!! ????
I’m a mom of 4 and I totally support what you’re doing here! Being outnumbered isn’t easy, but it can be done with conditioning, reinforcement, consistency, and a whole lot of determination. Good luck and keep at it!!
I literally JUST discovered I’ve been doing the same thing to my only child, my four year old son. We have another nugget coming in September and one of my best friends has recently adopted me into her “mommy of multiples bootcamp”. There are so many moments when I don’t know what to do – ex: today, we were all in her van heading to t-ball practice. My son is screaming because I didn’t put his shoes on him (I told him we would put them on when we got to practice). He asks over and over and over (and over!) again for me to PLEASE crawl to the way-back and put his shoes on him. I looked at my friend, desperate for some answer, and like some sort of Doctor of Mothering, she handled it (showing me). She told him A+B=C. “WHEN we get to the ball field, and the DOORS on the van open, THEN mommy will put your shoes on, buddy!” He replied “okay”. What the F did I do different?! I was trying to reason with him (“I will put them on when we get to t-ball practice, okay?”), not parent him. Parent friends are our best resources, I believe. Thank God for them!
Holy cow!!!! Can i be her friend? Lol. Im def trying this! Thank you so much for sharing!
Definitely try to do it now. Because trying to do it when they are preteens is a nightmare (not that I would know……lol)
I can relate to this so much, because routine bores me but I need it. Luckily I had to be somewhat routine in my teaching days which helped me and my students, but there is also a time to be spontaneous! Routine still bores me but I definitely have to enforce it for my son as far as school and sports. Also, for Chloes sake, get a hold of it now because I know what it is like to have an older brother who seems to be rewarded for bad behavior. Still to this day, my mother claims he is more needy. (No, he is a better manipulator and an a##hole and well, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.”) Let’s hope she doesn’t read this. Lol. In my brothers defense, he isn’t an a##hole to most people but he knows who will put up with it (Mom and Dad ?) Good luck mama. Your littles are both at a very challanging age. I dreaded subbing in the 2s or 3s room when I worked in Daycare. Lol.
Ughhh. I do the same thing! My little miracle, Lennon, is two (soon to be three) and like yours, Mickey solves everything lmao. My son is spoiled rotten. I hate getting stern with him because even if I barely raise my voice, he gives me those puppy dog eyes & looks like he’s runner-up for the acting child for African’s starving children. Enough to make Sarah McLaughlin shed some tears. Please tell me, did the schedule help?! Should I try it?!
I FIRMLY believe in parenting the easy way. It’s a lot easier to get littles used to schedules and discipline than it is older kids. So mine have been on a fairly set schedule since day one. We have room for flexibility, because nobody wants to do the same thing day in and day out, but we keep a general outline for every day. And for MY kids, bedtime is the most important time of the day. If you try to mess with my kids’ bedtime routine, I WILL CUT YOU. No mercy! Ha!
I bet that once you get them into a routine, you’ll see a change for the better. Good luck, momma!
Please give me advice my son is 4 my step daughter is 14 and I don’t know how to set a schedule. Especially since my work schedule varies and changes. It sounds stupid to even ask. Help!
hey girl you just gave me my ahhh crap moment lol. I am the mom of an addict that didn’t make it. I lost him 436 days ago. ? I just found your blog and it’s helping me so much to find out how his mind worked. ANYWAY back to my ahhh moment lol. I’m raising his youngest son. I’ve had custody all but a month of his 2 1/2 years of life so I know it’s my fault…but I swear hunny some days I think I need an exorcism lately!! I’m like you. never been good with schedules but dammit I’m gonna make one today!! since I read you first, I’m actually gonna say “buckle up there s a new sheriff” ? keep it up. you’re awesome!!
Schedules are the best thing you can do with the kids. It will be a huge fight for a short while but will get better. I stuck to a schedule with them since they were babies. And now that they are preteens and teens I have no issues at all getting them to bed. Also they currently are getting up and getting dressed on their own at 6am. It’s amazing. And my 13 year old is learning how to make breakfast.
Umm, you are hilarious:). I can relate sooooo much to this!!! I’m not a scheduley person, but I know it would help so much in our family, also. Thanks for the funny read- you are seriously so refreshing and funny in the world of mom blogging and just overall a genuinely good person!
Hello Tiffany! I’ve been following your videos on FB for a while. Just now looked into your blog. This article hit home for me because I am also an enabler for my kids. Eve is 4 and Hunter is 1. Eve is the most spoiled. I just started acting like the sheriff instead of just doing whatever will make MY day easier. My husband and I argue a lot about me being more of the “friend” than the “parent” . Anxiety will get the best of me sometimes when I feel overwhelmed about all the “mom” things I have to do for the day on top of working. I tell myself I will start a schedule to get more organized… The only schedule I have is dinner and bedtime..
Well anyways before I still my whole mother story. Plus my kids are awake and waiting on me to put my mom pants on. Thank you so much for being so real! Who cares about promoting when it gets money for your family. That doesn’t change you! Again, thanks!.
I found myself in the exact same moment when my oldest was 2. I never understood how parents could let their kids become spoiled but it struck me that when their little our entire job is to soothe b them no matter what. That is being the best parent when they’re infants, and then there is this shift where all of sudden soothing every time they cry not only isn’t what they need it actively hurts them in the long run. It was really hard for me to stop feeling like I was failing when I didn’t step in to make my daughter feel better.
Do it now!!! I had my Oh Shit moment about 9 months ago and my son is almost 15. He literally told me MOM meant Made Of Money and he wasn’t kidding. I have screwed up royally and have no clue how to get us on the right track!!
I just finished reading your book, and then I found i your blog. As a recovering addict, and a mom I relate to you on so many levels.
Pills were also my drug of choice. I mean , my doctor gave them to me ? How can they be bad? Smh I know better now. You have really helped me find humor in my life , reminded me I’m not alone , and truly help me see that yes, it’s gonna be ok.