I’ve always believed in being transparent. Honesty is key for growth. So if I am being honest with you (and myself), on a scale of 1-10, I am at about a 5 on the “awesome housewife” scale right now.
I have been sllllllacking. I can’t pin point how, when, or why it started, but you can bet your ass it started, and I have the piles of laundry to prove it.
It seems I go through stages. Some days, I cartwheel out of bed and karate chop my daily duties in the throat; flipping around my home like a gymnast with paper towels and a broom.
Other days, (like the past few
days, weeks, month or so), I have been a Lazy Leslie. I have tried to justify it to myself and it sounds something like this: “Girl, you got like a hundred kids and a big house, you aren’t super woman. Chill, relax, you’ve earned it. Why don’t you lay down for a bit and rest your tired mom-bones”.
This self-dialogue is backed up by the fact that the bed is a mere 10 ft away from me all day everyday. Sometimes I swear I hear it yelling at me the moment I pick up a dish to wash: “Ay! Get in here baby, I miss you. Your hands are too delicate to be getting all pruney in that yucky sink water. Put that down and come lay with me.” To which I usually reply, “Oh, bed. You know me so well. Here I come boo”.
In addition to my lack of enthusiasm about chores and cooking, I have also been neglecting my body, shoveling ice cream sandwiches and Taco Bell down my gullet as if I was competing on Man Vs Food.
I have a history of depression and self esteem issues, so it’s important for me to be aware of my behavior. For awhile now I’ve been in a funk, and I’ve been using the excuse “I’m overwhelmed” for too long. The truth is, there is plenty of time for me to accomplish the things I need to during the day. I just don’t want to.
I feel anxious when the house is cluttered and messy, I am a happier person when everything is in it’s place and it smells like febreeze and wax melts up in here. My husband had been busting his butt all day long to support our family, while I laid around for hours, occasionally moving some stuff around to make it appear as if I wasn’t indeed the sloth that I’ve been.
I wasn’t holding up my end of the deal, I wasn’t contributing as much as I could, I was neglecting my role in the family and it wasn’t fair. I am a firm believer in taking some time to yourself to recharge, however my ass had been on the charger for long enough, and it was time to get it together for my family, and myself. So what did I do? I burned the house down so I didn’t have to clean anymore. Just kidding.
I turned to my best friend, Google. Together, Google and I did some digging and stumbled upon a website called “Organizing Made Fun”. I threw my head back in maniacal laughter\at the blatant misspelling of the word “sucks”.
I clicked the site out of curiosity, eager to see why this crazy person thought it would be okay to put “organizing” and “fun” in the same sentence. It came as no surprise that the website itself was beautifully organized. It had different categories clearly displayed for everything from organizing your kids stuff to room by room cleaning/organizing tips and tricks.
If you’re like me
and were addicted to opiates for ten years and never wiped a baseboard in your life and could use some motivation, inspiration and guidance – this is where it’s at! The woman who runs the blog is Becky, and she uses her site to help mom’s like me get their s*** together.
She delivers insightful articles about getting finances in order, meal planning, DIY projects, schedules, and organizing tools (which, she mentions using velvet hangers and, I don’t want to brag butttt….I already own those, so, beat ya to it Beck).
Anyway, she has a section of her website where she shows us what the inside of her home looks like. At first I was all like “Omg, #goals” but then I was like “HA! Wait a sec, this lady obviously doesn’t have kids. Okay, whew! I was starting to feel bad about my life for a second there”. As I continued scrolling through her photos, a picture of a child’s room appeared on the screen, and then another. Damnit. This lady is a magician.
It really got me thinking. I can do better, I know I can. When I sit on my butt instead of making my home a haven of peace, I am putting my own selfish needs before others. If I had a dollar for every time I scrolled through Facebook and said to myself “Okay, 12 more minutes then we are done reading about Sarah’s time at the gym and Donald Trumps wire tap allegations” , I’d be rich.
There’s nothing on that phone that is more important than seeing my family comfortable, and happy. The only way I can improve at something is to learn to do it better. I am not even close to perfect and need all the help I can get, so finding a site that makes it easy for me to learn to be the person I want to be was a breath of fresh air.
I spent about an hour reading advice on that site, and made a conscious decision to put the phone down and start making a change. I organized my pantry, cabinets and fridge. It took a couple hours, but the relief I felt after decluttering and the joy on the kids faces once their snacks were all organized and accessible was beyond rewarding.
I’m doing little things each day, but they are slowly adding up; and I honestly feel better than I have in a long time. My husband deserves a wife who takes care of things for him, because he does so much for our family. I want to be that wife.
Now don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying organizing is “fun”, okay, let’s not get crazy. But being organized and tidy is much easier than scrambling each morning to find my sons infamous missing shoe and throwing random items from the fridge into a lunchbox as we are running out the door late for school.
I welcome chaos, all I’ve ever known is chaos, but from here on out; I’m gonna try to do things differently. Will I be back to throwing random articles of clothing over my shoulder as I furiously search for a pair of matching socks in a few weeks? Possibly. But if there is something more I can be doing to keep our home running like a well oiled machine- I’m sure as hell gonna try.
How do you keep your home organized? Do you have any tips or tricks you’d like to share? Let me know in the comments! (I need all the help I can get!)
Omg I spat out my LaCroix when I saw the Organizing Made Fun.. I also follow that blogger.. blahahahaha… I also addicted to opiates for some time and booze for even longer get to start off my sobriety journey as a housewife… I do not feel like I am very good at this thing.. I should go back to OMF and look for inspiration. My problems start after I organize (ok, one room and trash the rest of the house) … nothing gets put back in its place and no one ?? will pick up their shit.. So it leaves me either overwhelmed or twirling like a maniacal dervish…
my plan is to keep it simple. Start small and try hard not to get to overwhelmed…
xo love your blog fellow sober mama…
Hahaha omg! Listen, learning to be a productive adult after addiction is hard enough, throw in kids and a house and it’s like someone help meeeeeee dammit! Lol thank you so much for the comment, it’s so nice to know I’m not alone!!! And seriously, cleaning is over rated ???
Love your stuff as always Tiff!!
Yaaaay thank you Keller! ???
Ha Keller. Autocorrect
Oh man- I needed that yesterday. It was almost noon and I hadn’t accomplished anything- your post kicked me into gear. Dishes took me 16 minutes to do. Sweeping and straightening- 10. Put a load of laundry in washer and move other to dryer? 3. Start dishwasher? 30 seconds. I spent 8 times as long procrastinating and dreading those chores than it actually took to do them.
So, I learned something yesterday…
Thanks for your blog- totally love it!
Omg yaaaay!!! This makes me so happy! 1) to know I’m not the only procrastinating Patty and 2) to hear that I was able to help motivate you!! Good job! I feel like they should award medals for this kinda stuff, lol. If you go to my Facebook page (can be found on my sidebar) I posted a before and after video of my closet yesterday. I don’t wanna braaaag butttttt im pretty impressed with myself, lol.
I have used the term “in a funk” to describe periods of anxiety/depression/times I wanted to escape the world and hide and I did for days weeks or a month. Very important like you said to stay aware of our own behavior and shake it off/seek help when needed. Thank you!
Yup. I got through this periodically and feel overwhelmed. You are exactly right, being there for a moment is okay, unpacking and living there is not. Knowing the difference is key!
I’m sorry, totally stalking your blogs. Your writing is freaking fantastic. But THIS! Not even half way through I thought, omg is this girl my long lost relative because I am the SAME! We rent a 2,900 sf 1955 farmhouse in Sarasota, FL and when we moved in I thought “no biggie, more space less clutter” NOOOO. You just have more room to get more shit! I started in June (30 year old melt down of wtf am I doing with my life) to make it my goal to do what you’re doing and to do a little at a time and I’m SOO surprised I’ve stuck with it this long haha. Dishes are done every night! As for tips…the more kids you have the more you can delegate out! My great grandparents had 11 kids to help run the farm…I’m not about to have 11 kids but they kind of had a great thing going there hahaha.
This post has stuck with me & I am working hardER to be a better wife. Let’s just say your words hit home.
? your blog, glad I came across it.
Ok I officially love your blog. I had only been reading your jail story but this one caught me enough to stop and all i can say say is thank you. Us mom’s don’t talk about our struggles enough.
So I personally have been feeling like a failure to my daughter. I’m a single mom doing everything on my own. Im also an ex addict, and went through severe depreasion, suicidal tendencies and a huge list of other things. I never learned how to do this adulting bullshit. And some days I just do nothing. Thankfully I feed my child but the rest feels meaningless compared to how I feel. I never have stop to think that it could be because of everything I’ve gone through. I’ve just expected that since I am through and passed all the drugs and bullshit that I am supposed to be able to get it together already. Shit everyone else expects me to. And some days, weeks, months I feel broken and in a funk I can’t escape from. Just this week I looked at my daughter and cried. I have been in a funk for a few months now it seems like and I hate myself for not being able to be the perfect mom for her. She deserves everything and I haven’t been that for her. I hate myself for it and blame myself for it and never ask anyone for help because well i was never given it before. Thank you for sharing this. It is nice to know I am not the only one. It is hard to live a “normal” life if you didnt have one before. Every day is a struggle and i now realize I have to keep fighting it just like I did when I decided to quit drugs, and decided to change every aspect of my life. If I can’t quit drugs and win the fight with depression I can do anything. Right
Wow!! Such inspiration. First of all, hello everyone! My name is Megan, mom of 8-year old and 4-year old girls, former opiate addict and I will have one year clean in January. To start, I stumbled across one of Tiffany’s hilarious videos while watching a Backstreet Boys/FGL collab. Best stumble ever! Then, I proceeded to check out the Juggling The Jenkins FB page and discovered we have so much in common and that it seems like a great community that i want to be a part of. I, too, am a lazy Leslie, spending countless hours scrolling through endless posts, videos and articles, neglecting my household duties. I am currently unemployed- I was finally set to return to college(something I’ve dreamt of for years) for the fall semester, but realized it’s just not in the finances right now. My boyfriend, who lives with us, works and we just can’t swing it on one income. So, I’m supposed to be looking for a new job. Emphasis on *supposed to be*. What I really do is lay around looking at my phone, stressing about my atrociously messy, unorganized house, wishing I could drum up more than five minutes of motivation to actually get something, anything, done!!! I don’t know exactly what is holding me back, what my issue is….I suppose it has to do with my previous relationship. I was with my kids’ father since I was 17(he was 27!!) and he was abusive, physically, emotionally, verbally and sexually. I stayed with him(though leaving on and off through the years) until I was 25!! During that time, I was a stay-at-home mom, responsible for every aspect of the household while he worked the night shift at a blown film factory. He never really helped out, belittling me, arguing etc etc….too painful to really delve into. But you probably get the gist. So, finally, I gathered up the courage to take my girls and leave. First, we were put up in a hotel with other homeless families, then were transferred to a local family inn, or shelter. We were there for six months before our name came up on the list for public qhousing. We’ve been here for two years now. (I have my girls about half the time, alternating days with their father). My drug addiction really started to spiral out of control shortly after moving in. I was working all along, but I hated the job(McDonald’s) and I was starting to hate myself and the person I’d become. I was only focused on getting my next fix and was only “happy” and feeling “well” when I scored. Eventually, at my lowest point, I was severely behind on rent and utilities, had no money because I got frequent fronts for more drugs, housing was taking me to court, I was taking my kids father to court for child support to pay the rent that I should’ve been, but couldn’t, pay…..it was a really big mess!! I was stressed, overwhelmed, but also, didn’t really care, because all I truly cared about was drugs. Yikes! Who had I become? I was a previous honor roll member, headed for greatness, dropped out at the beginning of my senior year for a boy….so, fast forward to January of last year, my stepmom asked if I was doing drugs….I didn’t think anyone had noticed, least of all them as I hadn’t been on speaking terns for several years. She helped me get help, as I had had enough. Enough of the broken, sad person, enough of the not-all-there mother I had become. I am now receiving suboxone from my doctor and my new boyfriend is very supportive of my recovery. We have been together for a year and he is just wonderful, my girls love him! So here we are, after all this, and I, since leaving my last job, have no motivation to start another, let alone clean my damn house. I need a kick in the butt, a smack in the face, a shake of the shoulders to snap out of whatever “funk” I am in! Perhaps I, too, should check out that fun organizing website! So, that’s my story, in a nutshell, and I’m hoping to gain inspiration, understanding, humor and a sense of community with you all here! Adulting feels, somehow, foreign to me now, and I don’t like it! I want to be better for me, for my girls and for my partner. Please Help!!
I am a single mom of an amazing 4 yr old. We live with my mom due to recent divorce that I didn’t want. Because of the divorce, I have anxiety, depression, and finding out now after reading your blog “ah-sh*t” I have laziness taking over my whole body. For months now I have said these things… “just a 30 min nap and I’ll feel like cleaning the whole house”… 5 hrs later I say “dang I over slept so tomorrow is my day to shine” then tomorrow comes and I wake up from a dream about me and the ex back together and it seems so real and great that I stay in bed all day with tissues but only she’d maybe 1 tear and that’s because I’m starving but to “depressed” (LAZY) to get up. My list goes on and on. I could probably fill up a 375 page book with my “laziness” excuses. Thank you so much for posting this. I have recently started following you on Facebook. It was when you made the video post about anxiety…which rocks the house and speaks SOOOO much truth. Anyway, today, nov. 15th 1:53 am I finally found your blog page where your books are and I come across this beauty right here. I so needed this right now. It’s time for me to get up, and get busy and help my mom out. My story is deeper tHan this and I don’t have room to type it all but she busts her butt for me and my child and my stepdad. The least I can do is clean house for her instead of needing a 30 min nap all day… right?!? Also I am a recovering addict, who relapsed recently, so I’m kicking my own a** at the moment for that but that don’t mean I need to have a pity party and unpack and live in it… if I do I’ll end up right back active addiction worse than last time… everytime it starts over its always worse than the last time!! I absolutely love you and your posts/videos/blogs… please don’t stop being you. You help way way more than you realize… even if it is only one person… if all you wanted to do was reach one person and help them then consider your goal accomplished because you have reached me Mrs. Jenkins. Thank you for all you do. I didn’t get to read the blogs that are becoming books, but please believe homegirl I am gonna be purchasing those as soon as they hit the shelf!! Thanks again!
I just love your blog and videos! I was pleasantly surprised when I googled “lazy homemaker” and your blog article popped up because I knew you’d speak in a language I could understand. There’s hardly a sentence you write that I don’t connect with. Thank you for taking the time and energy to share online because they really do make a difference, if only to me (except I know by other comments it’s not just me<3). I really needed this article!
Love how real you are! Allie Casazza (The Purpose Show podcast) has changed my life and a ton of my habits.
So, been kinda stalking your youtube and blog lately and I’m so glad I found my way to this post. While I don’t have the history of addiction or depression, I am perpetually tired and lazy AF, especially now working part-time on top of motherhood and wifehood, and organizing this house and keeping it organized is a dream of mine. Factor in the fact that we live in a cabin in the mountains that has ZERO closets and so our clutter is out in the open for ALL TO SEE. The fact that I can’t hide the clutter only adds to my anxiety about keeping the house clean and then I just say “eff it” and don’t do it.
BUUUUT this website…I may have to check it out. Maybe I should start a blog series on my website titled “Connie Cleans” for some extra motivation/accountability, eh?
Omg this sounds just like me :O my husband works and I stay at home all day and I don’t even want to get out of bed. I just feel like I have zero energy and it hurts to stand to long but that is my fault because well I stuffed my face with junk food for so long. But now i’m going to take control of my life even if I do a little each day it will start to add up like you said. And I too feel like a wreck when the house is a wreck. So you know what today i’m going to make that first step out of the bedroom and into my home and make it a peaceful get away. My family should have a nice clean home to come home to, and my husband he works so dang hard and has for the 13 years we have been married to the point when we didn’t have a car he walked to work in the rain so he should have a better wife that acts like she cares.
Ha! Lazy Leslie was 100% me today as I was reading your blog from way back instead of working on my college class or house work. Eh tomorrow is a new day though. I do a ton, work full time as a telecommuter for a large company, take college class, take care of the house work and 9 year old but I also get so lazy because my job is at home, so pjs all day sounds amazing but make me a zombie as well i think.
Okay, so who are you and why aren’t we friends already! When I say while I was reading this I could not believe how similar my situation was… is. That anxiety that rises when the house is a mess is REAL. No exaggeration at all. My husband works all day and I stay at home in bed popping sleeping pills all day. Then have nerve to say I’m tired when my husband comes home from work. Damn pills have taken over. I feel like a bum, but no one is brave enough to set me straight. So I gotta do it myself which is still a TASK and now we’re back to square one. I’m ready for a change though, it’s definitely time. I can feel the motivation creeping in and beating whatever depressed lazy ass version of me I’ve been lately. I’m tired of scrolling through Instagram wishing I was anybody else. Thank you thank you thank you for your honesty and post it helped a lot.