Uninvited- A Letter To Cancer…

“Cancer is just a reminder that life is really precious.  So many people lose focus on what life is really all about.  Everyone needs to rid themselves the drama and enjoy everyday you wake up.”-  Pauly Half Jack LaRocgue.

Dear Cancer,

Apparently you exist because sometimes,  “abnormal cells divide uncontrollably and have the ability to infiltrate and destroy normal body tissue-causing cancer.” After witnessing your affects on a loved one, I would have worded this a tad bit differently. I would have said “abnormal cells divide uncontrollably and have the ability to infiltrate your life and destroy it- but I’m not in charge here.

I know how you work. You knock on the door, and push your way in-uninvited.  Our family will sit around and talk about you, wondering what brought you here, and how long you will stay.  We will discuss what happens if you decide to stay forever.  We will all cry together, praying that your visit will be short.

In the meantime, we will walk around carrying on, as if you are not here.  We will try our best to act as if we are not completely devastated by your presence. We will smile, and make small talk, in an attempt to avoid acknowledging your existence.  We will pretend that the uncertainty of your unexpected arrival isn’t crippling us with sadness.

You will inevitably destroy the world we spent a lifetime creating; and then you will vanish.  But you won’t go alone-you will take our most treasured love one with you, and we will never see them again in this world.

We will sit around wondering why the hell you chose us.  Why you chose them. You were unwelcome, and despite our best efforts, we were unable to get you to leave. You came suddenly, and like a tornado, you destroyed everything you touched – leaving behind only memories and ashes-along with thousands of broken pieces that we had to pick up one by one.  You were gone physically, but you continued to haunt us through vivid images of our loved ones slowly deteriorating, these will be forever ingrained in our mind.

I think it’s important that you know how your visit affected me……

Because of you, I lost all but one of my grandparents by age 22.

Because of you, I had to gently hold both my parents hands, and tell them “It’s okay to let go now. You don’t have to fight anymore. I will always love you forever, but I’m ready to let you go” as they struggled to breath their last breaths.

Because of you, I held the hands of both of my parents lifeless bodies.

Because of you, all I have left of the people that created and raised me-is a few ashes in a box.

Because of you my mother wasn’t at my wedding-nor will she ever meet my children.  I cannot call her and ask for marriage advice or help with a recipe. She is gone from this earth. I will never see her again as long as I am alive. I will never hear her contagiously loud laugh, or see her beautiful smile in person-because of you.

Because of you, my father will never meet my daughter.  He will never rake piles out of leaves for her to jump in, or ride her around the yard in a wheelbarrow, or scare her as he yells at the top of his lungs during a scary part of a movie-like he always did with me, because of you.

Because of you, I have an irrational fear that everyone I love is going to die, anytime they leave my sight.

Because of you, my life will never, ever be the same.

However…..

Because of you I am strong. You have made me realize that I am capable of overcoming more than I thought possible. You are big, but my faith is bigger.  You may have taken the majority of my family from me, but you will never be able to take my happiness. I know I will see my parents again one day, in another life; and when I do-I know they will tell me how proud they are of me, for not letting you destroy my faith.

Because of you I will hug my husband a little tighter, I will hold my babies a little longer, and I will tell everyone exactly how much they mean to me-any chance I get.  Because life is fleeting, and I know that at any moment, you may show up at my door again…..Uninvited.

Sincerely,

Tiffany

P.S.    You Suck.

Lonely girl on a chair
Lonely girl sitting on a vintage chair

 

 

 

 

 

5 comments

  1. I just watched a beloved friend of mine pass away from brain cancer while also helping my mom cope and fight with colon cancer. Its very difficult. I also lost both my grandparents to cancer. I can totally relate to this post and I want to thank you for writing and sharing it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My grandmother passed from cancer and I took care of her… also working hospice care for almost five years I have seen countless other families experience the same thing! Hugs 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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