TO THE PEOPLE WHO SAY I’VE CHANGED…

I realize I don’t owe anyone an explanation, so I’d like to get that out of the way first. I am completely aware that I am not responsible for how people perceive me — especially when their perceptions are askew.

Full disclosure, this isn’t for them—it’s for me.  Why is it important that I defend myself? In the grand scheme of things, it probably isn’t at all. However to me, in my life right now, it’s huge.  It’s so huge in fact, that it’s keeping me up at night and overpowering my thoughts.

So I am putting this out there, and I’m doing it for me.  In publishing this, I am giving myself permission to release the unbearable heavy weight of trying to please everyone. I can’t and I never will. So I will type this, and bid these feelings—and those who have fallen out of love with me, adieu.

To The People Who Say I’ve Changed:

You are damn right I’ve changed. 

In May of last year, One year and four months ago, I was a mother of three working at a carpentry company.  I made a silly video for no reason other than I felt like it—and it went viral. 

That was never my plan…

Eleven months later I had 1 million supporters. 

In the four months following, I acquired 1.5 million MORE supporters.

In one year, and four months, I have been blessed with over 2.5 million followers.

That was never my plan.

I was not expecting any of this and frankly, I was completely unprepared. However I was grateful, honored and joyous over the fact that I had finally—found my calling.

I loved making videos, and people loved watching them. So much so, that in order to keep up with “demand” of continuing to do so, I decided to quit my job at the carpentry company – one of the scariest most liberating decisions I’ve ever made.

The thing is, making videos, brightening peoples days, and spreading awareness became my mission – I loved doing it. However my husband was working overtime to pay the bills, and truthfully if it wasn’t for Patreon, I would have had to stop and go back to work.

With a large number of supporters, comes a large number of people reaching out to me. So for those of you saying I look tired, or I don’t care about you because you reached out bearing your soul and I ignored you, I’d like to give you an inside look into my world.

This is from tonight, from my email—one of 5 inboxes…. observe the frequency of the incoming emails…

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 I have thousands of unread messages in IG and FB as well…

 

 

I can tell you one way I’ve changed…I am filled with so much gratitude that people are reaching out to me, I am honored they open up the way they do, but I’m just one person. And it is constantly in the back of my mind that I am unable to respond to everyone bearing their soul in my inbox.

As an empath, it kills. Especially with subject lines like this:

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Have I changed? Yes, I feel like I am letting people down on a constant basis. It weighs on me daily, and makes me feel depressed and unworthy of this incredible platform I’ve been given. There are days where, in order to keep my sanity, I steer clear of social media all together.  I have to.

I have recently been called names and unfollowed because I did a few sponsored ads. I need to put this into perspective for all of you say I’ve changed and all of my content is sponsored now. I know I don’t have to, but I want to.

I’ve made hundreds of videos.

Six were sponsored.

Those sponsored videos, are what allows me to make the rest of the videos for your enjoyment. Because I don’t get paid to buy props, film, and spend hours editing. I do that at no cost, because I like to make people happy.

I work with two companies, and the beautiful thing is – in order to watch the rest of my videos, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BUY A SINGLE THING! Heck, you don’t even HAVE to watch the sponsored videos. You can scroll on by and watch the rest of the stuff I spend my life creating – at no charge. Why does it bother you so much?

HERE IS SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO KNOW. 

And truthfully, I’m probably going to get in trouble for this next thing, but again, it’s important to me.

I work with two companies, because I truly love them as people, and as a brand. The companies have bought books for my supporters, sent flowers and beautiful cards to my door, and have allowed me to be 100% myself, while contributing to my family.

I have turned down tens of thousands of dollars, BECAUSE I don’t want people to think I’m a sell-out. Here are just some of the offers I turned down this month...

 

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I know I don’t need to (and probably shouldn’t) show you this but THIS, this right here is why it bugs me when people send hate mail and leave nasty comments. I always say no, I am trying to get by, not get rich, which is why I have kept it at only two companies.

 

I have changed, in many ways. I have learned as I go, grown, and tried my best, to make the most of my second chance at life.

If you think I’m different or want to unfollow me – then by all means, hit the button. My true supporters understand me, and my heart, and they are the ones I am concerned with. 

Things are moving at a rapid pace, and I’m gratefully trying to keep up. I am a wife and mother first, and a content creator next. I will continue creating content until someone kicks me off the internet, or I am no longer able to provide for my family while doing what I love.

I am so grateful to everyone who has stuck by me, and who see my true intentions and goals. I look forward to what the future has in store, and am honored to have those of you who “get me”, alongside me for this journey ❤

I love you all so much, and appreciate the love and support more than you will ever know!!!!

PS…I’M GOING ON EFFING TOUR, DUDDDDDE!!!!!!!

 

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15 Comments

  1. Please don’t stop what you are doing. I recently “discovered” you and that has helped me in more ways than I thought. Reminds me that I am not alone and I can keep going. This year has been one of the hardest ever for me and because of the circumstances I can’t talk to anyone about it but my daughter and I CAN NOT burden her more-she is already cursed with my depression & social anxiety; she deserves a better life. She is the reason I keep going…the only reason; so I have to find other ways to cope and hang on and you have helped. Please keep doing what you are doing. Thank you for putting yourself out there for those of us that are not strong enough so we know we are not alone.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. A beautiful soul once told me “What other people think of you is none of your business,” easier said then done I know….but I try to remember this every single day. Keep doing you! Haters are gonna hate, poor miserable things 😉 Love and light to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing your experience. Some people on the internet are just so nasty. Run your business the way you want to. Anyone who thinks it should be done differently can just start their own (and see how “easy” it is). It’s cool that you’ve turned down so many offers, but really, even if you WERE a sellout, who cares?!? It’s none of their business! You work hard generating content people love, how DARE anyone say that you don’t deserve to get paid for your hard work.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’ve been trying to get help for almost a year now. I’ve called so many places. I have Medicaid, and there are no therapists in my small town that accept Medicaid. I’ve called over 60 places across the country trying to find a place that would do a scholarship. Not a single one will because I am not an opiate addict, and they won’t take me for the alcoholism because I’m dual-diagnosis. I have C-PTSD, bipolar, generalized anxiety, DID, and they say I’m too complicated because I don’t qualify for 12-step since the serenity prayer is a trigger because I have a history of ritualistic abuse. I’m ready to give up. This is the short story.

    I have 5 children with four still living at home, and all I want is to feel okay again. I don’t need to be happy. I just want to be okay. I don’t want to not want to take care of my kids who are now living with their dad because I can’t even leave my bedroom. I’ve contacted SIDRAN, SAMHSA, looked on psychology today, followed leads given to me, called the local places, and even called from state to state.

    If you know of anything that will help me please, please help me. I’m begging. I’m at the end of my rope.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sending love! I wanted out at one point and I felt like I was screaming at everyone for help and just wasn’t finding it. I thought I was going to need to be institutionalized I felt like I was losing touch with reality completely I found that This system is not easy to navigate through but I beg you to just please don’t give up, keep trying and fighting for yourself, I wish I could be more help and tell you exactly how to find help but I’m still trying to figure that out myself.

      There have been times when I think my children would be better off without me, I know what it is like to feel so low that no longer being here would actually benefit the ones we love – but when you look at the logic of that, it’s not true! Those children of yours need you and want you to be better too!

      I look at my husband he is a child of a parent with addiction, his mother lost her fight to the disease and he is NOT better off without her. He isn’t, he is a grown man and it affects him every single day. He would do anything to have her back in his world.

      Keep fighting x

      Like

  5. Like you said in your pay it forward coffee video – peoples perspective and reactions to you are from what’s going on inside of them! You can not possibly respond to every single email that comes your way, most people in the right frame of mind will know that. I have been a rock bottom and when I finally broke I called my GP in hysterics because I severely needed help and didn’t know where the heck to start. These people reaching out to you I’m sure are needing some similar guidance, maybe you could have a automated response in your email set up where it says about how you would love to answer everyone and will try your best too however with your focus on motherhood etc basically summarize what you have said in here and then something like in the meantime here are some reasources that could help you – and possibly list some national/international suicide prevention lines, addiction helplines etc?

    Just an idea?

    However you should never have to apologize for what you have achieved you are amazing and are changing peoples lives daily with your talent and bright light! You will never please everyone, you can’t, it’s impossible … so don’t lose sleep over this, you are a great, kind and inspirational woman! Rock on!

    Like

  6. I just saw your video “If My Brain Held a Morning Meeting” on Facebook today. I LOVE IT!! It is me in so many ways! The little voices in my head, now I get what is going on while I sleep! …and…oddly…it reminds me of faculty meetings at school. Every single one of those personalities in our brains is present in person at those meetings. I so needed the laugh. Anyways…I looked you up just to say you are so on target in so many ways. I love your video about addiction. It is true. Been there and no one but me could see the way out, and I thank God I found it. You are awesome, wonderful, and crazy funny. And if you have some paying sponsors, well kudos to you, girl. Don’t feel bad if you can’t reach out to everyone personally, because you reach out to millions by saying the right things that touch us.

    Like

  7. Hey girl! Dont worry abt the haters. Haters gonna hate. Love you guys more then you will ever know! You truly are my angel. Xoxo

    Like

  8. First of all, you should be PAID for your time, versatility, creativity, unique product, effort, and ability to bring attention to a product you approve of! I love teaching. I get paid to teach! But guess what, I don’t do it “for the money”, but it IS my job! Of course you’re not doing this “just” for the money, but you deserve to be paid for your work! And do more than six sponsored videos!!! It’s fine! Let other people go to their office job that they’re doing “just for the money@ AKA the money we all need to pay our bills and hopefully we don’t hate our job. Keep up the awesome work!

    Like

  9. I realize that this is a pretty old blog, but I just read it, so it’s new to me 😊 The thing that REALLY stuck out to me is that you said that you just “want to get by”, and not get rich. Tiffany, it’s okay to get rich! Why the hell shouldn’t you get rich? You work your ass off on a daily basis and deserve every friggin cent you EARN! I’ve been home sick for the past week. Somehow, I saw you on my FB feed and was intrigued by you. Since then, I’ve read your book (it took me one day, btw), watched countless pieces of your VLOG, watched interviews with you, etc. I realize you are a people pleaser. So is my daughter (she’s 31).I’m constantly talking to her about that and pleading with her to just be herself and don’t give a crap about what others may feel. By the way, she’s the sweetest thing you’d ever meet! That is not your problem! It’s nothing to do with you. It’s all about them, their insecurities and their shortcomings. Please don’t apologize for anything you do. You deserve it and you should not apologize for getting rich or famous, or whatever you do! Keep it up! You ARE amazing! Oh, please read “The Science of Getting Rich” by Wallace Wattles. I have nothing to do with the book. I just happen to be reading it right now. Take Care

    Like

  10. I am really so fucking glad that I found you. I love how you air it all out. I’d have done the same. Seeing your videos make me feel less alone. Im thankful for that xo

    Like

  11. Tiffany.
    You are air to breathe when I am gasping.. right on time. I admire your courage.. scared or not, to reach out for help and then encourage all of us. I got my first actual taste of anxiety 2 weeks ago. I wanted to die. Inside. I pleaded with God to just bring me home. I really didnt and dont want to die. But i am too crippled to hurt anymore. I know for just one.. i was all in. A mess of a mom. Clueless, but commited to whatever it took to show my kids that despite pain there is beauty and that we dont have to let the pain define us. All of a sudden, here i am.. with 4 daughters i love and have ached to love.. with any all all parenting site and tool i could find. Nothing was working and i was losing them i didnt know them and they saw every hurt of theirs, my intentional fuckup. Um, what? 4 daughters.. each sondifferent i was amazed and terrified. Hating me. Yes. Hating me. Telling everyonw they could i sold them for drugs..and beat 1 or 2 of them. Uh, a swat 1-2 times, for an offense, which broke several of MY fingers and dislocatrd me wrist cuz i started 3 inches from their butt cheek.. diaper.. and usually over corrected and hit the door frame instead. I tried redirection. I didnt see the pointbor connection of a spanking, even though i got my rear rore up. Omg. Welts from Mars.. 12binches long and like the levy along the Mississippi river.
    Lol. Did i deserve it.. alot times yep. But sometimes i really didnt, but accepted it. I cried every day in the bathroom floor to a xloset mirror, telling my God I trusted, that i hated being a human. And i qiut. Only to get back to life and a heart for others thru people hating me, and i had no clue why. Mom tried to say they were jealous of me. No way. A scrawny curious being who would give u my lst drop of water. Because i gelt that the world was supposed to be different. Even without any examples. No friends. A dad who wasnt mine, but trued and was pushed away by my blood. So i started a cycle of needing to be ok.. why did he not love me anymore. What did i do. Did he want a son? I loved classic cars.. watched him and wanted to learn. But then acceptance was craved and becooming necessary to breathe. Submissive like a fool, wanting live. Rhe wrong way. I need to stop. Typos. And i cant go back to edit. Meth, a journey to serve God and want to be a good mom but started to crumbled with where ws my mom? There but not. A forced adoptiin.. that didnt heppen after all. She tried. I was mad at her. Yep. But geez. Gee wasnt horrible. Ehy was i feeling like she didnt care now? Daughters who stuck that knife, not in my back, but right in my face and smiled. And sid theyvwerevthat way cuz i made them be that way. And that that i was a sorry excuse fir air.
    I was xonfused. Then some assault allegations and flaunting that u are takung my place as head of my kids.. um.. u are a bitter brat who gets to think u my daughter, are going to be a mom ti ur brothers to protect them. And steal from our home. I had to move out for 6 months while i waited for a jry trial, cuz she laughed at my openess of struggling as a mom, and wonderijng if i am gonna lose my sons.. my second chances. Cuz dss/cps took my girls cuz i stood up to an alcoholic hubby b4 he hurt my girls. Um. I had a roof, food, xlothes and utikities. But they said, it seems like i should be frsakun oiut and on drugs. They cant prove it, but they thinknit sounds ligical and expected me to fail. Why? Cuz i didnt want to give up. Even if if i fell? I now and grasoung for air.. 3rd dss case now in months.. the same daughter who swore i kicked her to break her legs. Says i need help and her brothwrs wont deal with what she did.. what? U didnt have ur mom?.. dss.. why do u get to say waht they need and say waht i need. I am trying differnt help.. and now.. cant breathe or even quit. But i can say menopause sucks ass. I hate it. I am a basket case of wonderdul wierdness and fear. And willingness to do whatever it takws. To stop freakingout inside if i dont know what to say or do. I huat want to paint. I did. Ut hurt.. art isnt what i thought. But it feels amazing. And.. itbhelps. This moments challnge to let go of. Is a fear of my stress buildup and broken heart and darn menopause.. this moment of telling God to please take back whatever thread, bungee or whatever is hanging into my butt. I and the fear that dss/cps is trying to manipulate me in my weakness. To take afvantage of a mom, whose only crime may have been not taking care of me. Body pains and nerve pain, that is scary and dibilitating somerimes. But i tey to oower thrubit for th e kids. Dont use this illness and someone elses garbage in my lap to try to make me let u get xonteol of my kids. Hell nah. I will petitiin and fight.. no matter what. Where are the rules?.y’all cant make them up as u go aloing. Has to be the same.. for me.. for her in town, for the librarian and thw nurse and evwn the very same caseworker. Why isnit not? I date u.. u will be on every tv channel.. in the world. I may not help being about the change that is really i n the kids corner… but i will make u so so hated, and give them all the ok, to question u. For their babies.😁huh? In waht life, cuz i know i got jacked. But sorry for the verbal vomit. Venting. Hey.. i can reLte. And none of us moms are alone. Lionesses need to united again. And carry eachpther. Cuz we were made to, dud. Love u sll. And tiffany. Thanks for helping me today, yeatersay.. to throw my towel at myself.. and let it go.. for better. Just waiting dor the atrategy.. dint know where i need to be yet, but I’m ok. To be not o k and hella tired. > this goes somewhere above.. someone pmease understand and stranslate or edit. >>.. on meth. But never would ihell no. I would an am still, ready to become all Dexter on anyone who hurts my girls. Simple.

    Like

  12. i happened upon you and fell in love instantly…the hardest thing i have ever in my life done is say i am the mom of an addict and i cant fix him…i walked the line of loving and enabling for so long it was blurred beyond recognition. my son is whats i call a functioning addict he works and has never stolen form my home i am sure he has done other things to support his addiction. today 6/24/19 i will be in court as he agrees to a please deal for 2-4 years in our state prison..i will pick up the slack with my grandson like i have all the other times he has gone away. he is my son and i love him but i refuse to love him to death. and you help so much seeing your videos and what you have done with sobriety i am going to order your book and send it to him in prison so he can see he can move on and he doesnt have to let addiction control him forever if he doesnt want it to…i cant fix him i have learned that but i can and will support his recovery all the way thru becasue even when he doesnt think he can do it i know he can

    Like

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