I realize I don't owe anyone an explanation, so I'd like to get that out of the way first. I am completely aware that I am not responsible for how people perceive me -- especially when their perceptions are askew. Full disclosure, this isn't for them—it's for me. Why is it important that I defend myself? In the grand scheme of things, it probably isn't at all. However to me, in my life right now, it's huge. It's so huge in fact, that it's keeping me up at night and overpowering my thoughts. So I am putting this out there, and I'm doing it for me. In publishing this, I am giving myself permission to release the unbearable heavy weight of trying to please everyone. I can't and I never will. So I will type this, and bid these feelings—and those who have fallen out of love with me, adieu. To The People Who Say I've Changed: You are damn right I've changed. In May of last year, One year and four months ago, I was a mother of three working at a carpentry company. I made a silly video for no reason other than I felt like it—and it went viral. That was never my plan... Eleven months later I had 1 million supporters. In the four months following, I acquired 1.5 million MORE supporters. In one year, and four months, I have been blessed with over 2.5 million followers. That was never my plan. I was not expecting any of this and frankly, I was completely unprepared. However I was grateful, honored and joyous over the fact that I had finally—found my calling. I loved making videos, and people loved watching them. So much so, that in order to keep up with "demand" of continuing to do so, I decided to quit my job at the carpentry company - one of the scariest most liberating decisions I've ever made. The thing is, making videos, brightening peoples days, and spreading awareness became my mission - I loved doing it. However my husband was working overtime to pay the bills, and truthfully if it wasn't for Patreon, I would have had to stop and go back to work. With a large number of supporters, comes a large number of people reaching out to me. So for those of you saying I look tired, or I don't care about you because you reached out bearing your soul and I ignored you, I'd like to give you an inside look into my world. This is from tonight, from my email—one of 5 inboxes.... observe the frequency of the incoming emails... I have thousands of unread messages in IG and FB as well... [gallery ids="14507,14508" type="rectangular"] I can tell you one way I've changed...I am filled with so much gratitude that people are reaching out to me, I am honored they open up the way they do, but I'm just one person. And it is constantly in the back of my mind that I am unable to respond to everyone bearing their soul in my inbox. As an empath, it kills. Especially with subject lines like this: Have I changed? Yes, I feel like I am letting people down on a constant basis. It weighs on me daily, and makes me feel depressed and unworthy of this incredible platform I've been given. There are days where, in order to keep my sanity, I steer clear of social media all together. I have to. I have recently been called names and unfollowed because I did a few sponsored ads. I need to put this into perspective for all of you say I've changed and all of my content is sponsored now. I know I don't have to, but I want to. I've made hundreds of videos. Six were sponsored. Those sponsored videos, are what allows me to make the rest of the videos for your enjoyment. Because I don't get paid to buy props, film, and spend hours editing. I do that at no cost, because I like to make people happy. I work with two companies, and the beautiful thing is - in order to watch the rest of my videos, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUY A SINGLE THING! Heck, you don't even HAVE to watch the sponsored videos. You can scroll on by and watch the rest of the stuff I spend my life creating - at no charge. Why does it bother you so much? HERE IS SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO KNOW. And truthfully, I'm probably going to get in trouble for this next thing, but again, it's important to me. I work with two companies, because I truly love them as people, and as a brand. The companies have bought books for my supporters, sent flowers and beautiful cards to my door, and have allowed me to be 100% myself, while contributing to my family. I have turned down tens of thousands of dollars, BECAUSE I don't want people to think I'm a sell-out. Here are just some of the offers I turned down this month... I know I don't need to (and probably shouldn't) show you this but THIS, this right here is why it bugs me when people send hate mail and leave nasty comments. I always say no, I am trying to get by, not get rich, which is why I have kept it at only two companies. I have changed, in many ways. I have learned as I go, grown, and tried my best, to make the most of my second chance at life. If you think I'm different or want to unfollow me - then by all means, hit the button. My true supporters understand me, and my heart, and they are the ones I am concerned with. Things are moving at a rapid pace, and I'm gratefully trying to keep up. I am a wife and mother first, and a content creator next. I will continue creating content until someone kicks me off the internet, or I am no longer able to provide for my family while doing what I love. I am so grateful to everyone who has stuck by me, and who see my true intentions and goals. I look forward to what the future has in store, and am honored to have those of you who "get me", alongside me for this journey <3 I love you all so much, and appreciate the love and support more than you will ever know!!!! PS...I'M GOING ON EFFING TOUR, DUDDDDDE!!!!!!!
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