Two-Faced. The Final Chapter.

 

Hey Friend!
There’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first? I’ll give you the bad news, because by now you already kinda know… This blog series is no longer available on this website. I’m sorry! I have always dreamed of writing and publishing a book, ever since my Dad bought me a typewriter on my 6th birthday.
The good news is, It’s finally happening! My book is in review on the Amazon Kindle website, and within the next few days will be available for pre-order! I know you are probably still mad at me, but I hope that you understand that this a huge goal, that I am actually about to freakin’ accomplish, and I want you to be excited with meeee!
I will post a link to the book here as soon as it becomes available, as well as share it on my facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/jugglingthejenkinsblog
Thank you for being interested in my stuff, it really means more than you know. And thank you for being a part of my journey. You may not realize it, but it’s people like you that inspire me to get my lazy ass out of bed each day and create content.
Me love you long time…
Tiffany Jenkins

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44 thoughts on “Two-Faced. The Final Chapter.

  1. I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying! This was so beautifully written and is such a wonderful ending. I’m still hoping for more! You are an amazing writer.

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  2. Thank you. I feel where you are. It helps to know that there is some one else out there
    ..that I’m not alone. Seven years clean, here.

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  3. Beautifully said Tiff! I can’t wait till the book comes out. You are able to write about your life in a way that grabs the reader and won’t let go. And though I don’t know you outside of your writing and videos, I am just so proud of the new you !! I know the struggle is real, but you dove head first into life and grabbed it by the balls! Way to go! You are an amazing woman and mother and wife and you are rocking this life! Keep on keeping on!;)

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  4. Geeze Louise i balled my eyes out!! I can’t wait to have my own copy, once this is published!! I’m a little over 3 months clean and you and your story give me so much hope!! Thank you!!

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  5. I can’t stop crying. I’m still struggling so hard but this is the most hope I’ve felt in years. Im gonna read your words of encouragement over and over and over until they stick. I’ve never felt like any inspirational message was meant for me. Like “dont even get your hopes up girl there is no way. .. you’re too far gone…all your attempts at getting better fail so stop kidding yourself.” Thats what normally goes through my head. For the first time I think i might be able to trust you when you say its possible. Sorry to ramble. Im serious just bawling. Thank you so much.

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  6. Just awesome!!! Especially her speaking at the meeting. Almost made me cry..having felt all those feelings through this journey. I’m happy to say I just hit 3 years, and every word of what she spoke about at the end is true!

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  7. Awesome!!! This almost made me cry. I can so relate to her share. I’ve felt all those feelings on this journey. I’m happy to say I just hit 3 years, and everything she said about how life changes is so true!

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  8. This is why I do what I do which is admissions in substance abuse treatment. I’m so happy for you. I can’t wait to see the book. You are an inspiration to many people.

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  9. Absolutely great! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I’m so proud of you! I wish so badly that some family in my life would choose the higher path. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me hope that my family may recover and live a life they can be proud of one day!

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  10. Im sitting here crying my eyes out and my kid said why are you sad? I said Im not sad I am happy for Tiffany. He said “who is Tiffany?” Lol. Congrats on all your success and many more years to come.

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  11. Such an awesome ending. Girl…you are such an inspiration. As a recovering addict, I can relate to a lot of this. I can’t wait for your book!! You are so talented💗💗

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  12. WELL SHIT YOU ALMOST HAD ME CRYING GIRLLL YOU’RE TRULY AMAZING YOU HAVE A GIFT KEEP USING IT AND CONGRATS ON WHATEVER SUCCESS COMES FROM IT LOVE YA.

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  13. OMG…. I am crying so hard… You are AMAZING! “Tragedy to Triumph” …YOU MADE IT!
    Thank you for sharing your personal journey (I know that was not easy) but I truly believe GOD had his hand in all of this VICTORY for you to reach out & help others! Your INSPIRATION is incredible ❤ always remember: "THAT WAS THEN & THIS IS NOW"…. so happy you are alive! ((((hugs-forever))))

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  14. Just beautiful. I also had struggled with addiction… I guess I still do but I’ve been clear a year and a half. This was very inspiring to me and I’m sure to many others! Please tell more of the story.. the reasons why it started? It could really mean the world of difference to others of us out there. Thank you for being breve and putting your story out there!

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  15. Dear wonderful Tiffany, I am sharing this with my daughter. I sent you a pm a while back about my daughter and you were kind enough to respond with your point of view. I understand it now. I didn’t then. Yes, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I get it now. I have never reached back out to you,wondering , waiting to see first how you did it. You are amazing. I am so proud of you and I hope and pray your story will help my daughter.
    Sincerely, respectfully, and in awe of you,
    Sandy💕

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  16. Tiffany. I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now. What a ride it’s been. You are an true inspiration & hero. My hero. I have been an addict basically all my life-whether it was food, pills, alcohol, whatever to make me feel “goof”… I know I’m not alone in this fight when I read your words. I experience it in the fellowship but your true grit and honesty makes me feel like there’s hope for me yet (lol) I’m 30. I always wanted babies and a hubby. Your amazing sorry makes me feel like it’s all still possible. I love you. I truly really do 🙂

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  17. You are a wonderful and thoughtful writer! I knew bits and pieces of your story and I feel like I know you so much more. Your gratitude and light shines though these pages, your story is very special. I have enjoyed every word. Thank you for sharing and thank you for your service. Call me anytime you need an ear.❤️

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  18. Wow.. just so amazing. I’m sobbing and tears of joy. you have had a crazy life. Thank you for the raw honesty!!! Reminds me too why to stay sober!! Gosh! I hope there is a book coming out!!!

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  19. I Love This !! YOUR amazing!! I can relate to you on so many levels!
    I have 17 months clean. And life is good.
    Thank you For being honest and sharing hour story with us ! You have given me hope!!!
    You rock!!

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  20. Oh Tiffany!! It CANT be over! Your blogs are the highlight of my week! Lol. You have major writing skills! I have loved every chapter and you always leave me wanting more! Im so proud of you Bc I know its a daily fight. You are my role model and have helped me get thru so much just by reading your story!!! Keep changing Lives!

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  21. I’m not sure how I found you on Facebook.. maybe one of your funny videos that someone shared. But however I found you, i KNOW it’s for a reason. I’m not an addict, I don’t really even know any addicts (that I know of)… but for some reason, I was meant to find you. I don’t know why yet. Your story is so touching. It means so much to me and I’m not even sure why. Lol. I am so proud of you, a stranger, for how you have fought your way to recovery. It’s truly incredible. I always tune in to your lives and my husband kind of rolls his eyes that I shush him so that I can watch you on Facebook (lol) but I really think you’re such an inspiration for even someone like me who doesn’t know a thing about addiction. I can’t pin point it. Anyway… I’m rambling. Thank you for opening up and sharing! I’ll be tuning in today for your next live! ❤

    PS.. shout out to PARIS for being an awesome sister to you and not writing you off! I'm sure it was a hard thing for her to go through as well ❤

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  22. OMG….I starting reading and couldn’t stop!! I told my daughter all about you.
    I can relate to your story on so many levels. Some parts I thought you were writing about me…you are an AMAZING woman. You have so much courage and strength for writing your story. I have a 1yr clean through God and my family!!!
    PLease keep doing what you do you are touching so many lives with your writing and laughter❤❤

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  23. I started reading this blog today and finished reading it, today.

    Your story allowed me a glimpse of what it’s like as an addict.. the emotional and physical pain I could understand to a degree, but what resonated with me was how your thought process was so heavily influenced by your fight or flight desperation to just catch a break, start over, be normal, to make sense of the world that deceivingly appears to come so naturally to others… among other things.

    As the spouse of an addict (5 years clean now) who is naturally internal and lacks the ability to express his thoughts, reasoning, feelings, ANYTHING to describe why, how, what the…
    I take comfort in feeling like I may now have an idea of how it began and continued to spiral out of control …and the role I played (and I suspect Chuck had played), in how it all went rock bottom.

    I unintentionally enabled him due to an abundance of empathy but also cradled him, and to a degree I still do, through withdrawal with no medical support.. utterly abandoned by the burnt bridges I was unaware were ash until I tried to cross them seeking help for him, for me and our babies.. and the hurt and the anger and resentment trying to wonder WHY the f*** it all went to sh** ..,

    I have held on to that bitterness despite loving him so much and staying through it all, and I have never had the time to cleanse and seal the wound and I probably never will until the babies are adults..
    but as someone who thrives on empathy, who so easily places myself in others shoes to use my powerful imagination to understand them and empathize with them.. I struggled to do it with him. And it bothered me, deeply.

    Maybe it was too personal or stressful that I created too thick of defensive wall to penetrate, or his inability to articulate his feelings and thoughts beyond deep sobs, tears and all those feelings expressed in his eyes and body language that are so honest, raw and valid.. While I can feel all those things with him, so many questions are still hanging in the air unanswered and I struggled to really get some of it, you know?

    Your stories and experiences are like comparing an apple to a peacock, but the way you expressed your thoughts and reasoning, your emotions throughout, I could change the wording in my head a bit or the circumstance and unexpected event that lead you down one path.. I could recreate an experience or a moment through his eyes and finally get it, a question answered and more importantly to me, I can empathize with him.

    Thank you.

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  24. WOW! Holy $HIT BALL$! Today, I randomly stumbled across a make up video you posted that was on a “friend of a friend of a sister’s cousin’s” facebook page lol (cause that’s how it happens, right? After cracking up watching you hilariously paint your face, I came across a post that had “addiction” in it & was intrigued; being a current addict in recovery. Little did I know that I would be glued to my phone this entire day reading every blog you’ve written. I’m not sure I can quite find a correct word to describe what my mind just consumed. Phenomenal is probably the closest! Not only did your writting hit “home” & resonate w/so many things to me, but what an amazing good read for ANYBODY! Your incredible detail on feelings of being in those moments are so surreal! Even tho our journeys were different, we are the same. I felt like I was you so many times reading certain passages on thoughts & feelings, it was crazy honestly. I commend & THANK YOU for your honesty & braveness in sharing your journey w/the world. You are now helping so many people out there who are in what once was “your shoes”. You are giving them hope & letting them know it IS possible to recover! There is a better way & it’s just right there waiting for them. In our world filled with daily news about how bad the drug epidemic is sadly taking control & consuming so many beautiful souls, it is incredibly refreshing to hear the other sides…the stories of those who can gratefully & be blessed to say “I’m a RECOVERING DRUG ADDICT!” It was truly inspiring & you are such an inspiration! Thank you SO VERY MUCH! I am now following you & your continued journey as I can’t wait to watch you continue your path. Plus, you’re f***ing funny as heck! Lol. You truly deserve every bit of happiness you have recieved & the future blessings to come… ❤❤❤

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  25. In many ways, I feel like I’ve watched you grow up; even if it was from a distance! I’m one of many that never knew the pain you were truly experiencing. I even remeber when you went mia for several months. To read your blog and to think back on pics of your life from that era, your posts from that time in your life…. well, you’ve left me speechless. I’m beyond proud. Im grateful for you. Instead of sugar coating a turd, you owned the good, the bad, and the ugly of this addiction. You can change the world, Tiff. Don’t ever forget that!

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  26. You have shared your journey in a beautiful way! My family keeps telling me I need to write a book about my journey, but I don’t even know where to start. You are a beautiful writer, and a beautiful person. I think our clean dates are very close, mine is 11/2/12! Keep rocking the recovery, it is so worth it. My Dad has 19 years, my boyfriend has 9, and I have almost 5. I surround myself with recovery, NA, my sponsor, sponsees, all of my friends are in recovery. Keep on keeping on sis!

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  27. After catching a few of your hilarious videos on Facebook I decided to check out your blog. For the past 3 days I have spent all of my free time (do moms have free time? Okay so I was neglecting my kids…no big deal..) reading your story from the very beginning. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experiences with the world. I laughed, cried, spent moments in shock, and have gained a greater compassion for others by reading your words. Such a captivating story of redemtion. God bless as you continue on your journey.

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  28. Tiffany, Thank you! Thank you for writing your story and helping me feel not alone. Thank you for your honesty, it has given me courage to seek honesty in my life. I could keep reading your writing forever! I binge read your story over the past few days and I am so glad I did! Best wishes my friend from one recovering mother to another.

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  29. So…j just spent legit, the last 7 hours of my life, immense in your story, your life! I thank u 1st and foremost. I am recovering as well, I am on 4 years clean from YEARS of putting toxins in my body, including heroin. I have a 3 y.o son and everyday is a challenge. I battle depression pretty bad, still. And it’s hard, to find the worth everyday, for me. I know I have my son, but 4 me…im not in a good relationship so, it doesn’t help. I watch ur vlogs daily and it gives me a smile that I sometimes haven’t put on in days. So thank u. I wish I had some 1 in my life like u 4 real. May b i need 2 fi d my way back 2 rooms again..idk…but i wanted 2 say TY, and even tho I didn’t have a COP 4 a bfnd… I been pretty close 2 relating. Lol…so thanks 4 u…im glad u got d it path…TO ALL OF US😉😉😉😉😉

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  30. AWESOME. I feel like the world need to hear your message but take your time and focus on your own recovery and family first. 😉 you are amazing.

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  31. Holy Shit Batman! Tiffany, the first time I saw you was your video about the lipstick that was supposed to be like Lipscence. It had me rolling. I cried I was laughing so hard at you. I didn’t know you had a blog or anything. When I watchrd that first video I started watching all of them. Then I saw one where you were introducing all your friends. A of whom are addicts. I just started reading your blog yesterday. I started with 120 Days in Jail. I finished it this morning and have been stuck reading this series. I am so happy you and your sister are close again. It definitely gives me hope that me and my brother will get close again like we were before addiction took over my life. It was so bad that even after shooting up and getting an infection in my blood that went to my spinal cord, and after having a major spinal surgery to replace vertebrate that had been eaten away at with infection and titanium rods and screws and fusions to hold my new vertebrate together, I started using again after being clean for over a year. I hit my ultimate bottom. I finally got clean again on August 18th. Almost 90 days clean and sober. You are my hero and my inspiration. I hope to be reunited with my mom and kids over the holidays. I speak with them everyday and my daughter who is 7 ask me all the time do I have a house for us yet. I miss them dearly and can’t wait to see them. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

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  32. Wow. I just binged Netflix style. Both chapter blogs. Beautifully written. Close to my heart and experiences. Recovery sometimes seems so impossible. Depression, addiction…the suicidal thoughts that come along with all that shit we have to carry. Thank you for your words sweet girl.

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  33. There are no words tiff. So proud of you and all of your accomplishments-physically,mentally,emotionally etc. you’ve given the “180” complete meaning. I’m grateful to have known you since HS and seen the positive changes you’ve made- and the inspiration you’ve become to not only me, but many others. Keep it up chick! It’s just the beginning. Love you xoxox

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