I have only been in one fight in my entire life, (unless you count the knock-down drag-out fights my little sister and I would have everyday of our childhood). But as far as being in a physical altercation with a stranger, it only happened once, I was hammered, and I was defending my little sisters honor at a bar – long story.
Anyway, despite the fact that Daniels was an itty bitty nugget of a person; that. shit. hurt. In fact, she hit me so hard that everything suddenly went black. I could hear everything around me, but for a split second I couldn’t see a damn thing. She didn’t just hit me once either, she took advantage of my momentary blindness and got 3 hits in before my sight returned and I snapped into action.
Here’s the thing. When I say “snapped into action”, what I really mean is – pushed her onto the floor and grabbed the closest thing to me to use as a weapon to beat her with. My arms were moving before my brain could catch up; and unfortunately for me, my weapon of choice was – a pillow.
I shit you not. Unbeknownst to me, my body made an executive decision to grab a mother effing pillow, and hit her with it. I turned an MMA fight into a pillow fight in 2 seconds flat. Halfway into her pillow beating I realized how ridiculous this was, and how confused she must have been. But it was too late, I was already going to town. I’m pretty sure I also yelled out things like :Yeah b***h, this will teach you to sucker punch me.”
She suddenly wiggled out from under me and stood up. I didn’t move a muscle. I clutched my pillow with all my might preparing for her retaliation. “What the f**k is wrong with you?” She asked, breathing heavily before turning and running out of the room.
That was a very good question.
I was out of breath like I’d just run a marathon and my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I sat down on my bed trying to process everything and once my adrenaline had subsided, the pain began creeping in. Above my right eyebrow I felt a dull, stinging ache. I reached my hand up to the spot and sure enough there was a lump beginning to form. Suddenly I was overcome with the realization of what I’d just done.
I hit this b***h repeatedly – with a pillow. A friggin pillow. Like, how the hell can I even attempt to brag about this shit later like, “yo dawg, you shoulda seen me, I swung that pillow so hard. Feathers were flying and the cotton on the pillow case aint soft bro, shes hurtin for sure. Ain’t nobody wanna come around me, I’ll pillow swipe em so fast dude”.
“Everybody to your bunks, NOW!!” Miss Riggins came flying into the day room followed by 4 other CO’s with a determined bound in their steps. I laid down in my bunk and slowly pulled the blanket up to my neck and pretended to be sleeping. (I used to do this all the time when my Mom would storm up the stairs to my sister and I’s room in anger after we’d done something stupid. So naturally, this seemed like a good idea now).
I could hear their sneakers squeaking on the floor as their keys jingled on their hips. I tried to listen and see which direction they were headed, but my head had begun pounding at this point and it hurt to concentrate that hard.
“Who the f**k was just fighting in here?” Riggins yelled from the center of the pod. Shit shit shit. I’m f**ked. I’m so screwed. I listened and waited for someone to rat me out. There was silence. “I said who, the hell was fighting. Ya’ll do not wanna try me tonight.”
“Okay, this how ya’ll wanna do it? That’s fine. Open cell 5!” She yelled.
The door popped open and I heard her getting closer and closer. I was afraid she was going to see my heart pounding through the blanket. Her footsteps suddenly stopped, and I could feel her demonic presence in our cell. I thought I might shit my pants.
“Now ya’ll hoes wanna play dumb, huh?”The hair on the back of my neck stood up. “See yall wanna sit up in here, keep quiet, pretend you sleepin, but what ya’ll don’t realize is I been doin this for a long time. Now see- AY! You under the blanket, wake yo ass up before I taze you awake, hoe.” Okay, she was definitely talking to me. I slowly pulled the blanket down and my eyes locked with hers. “Why you hiding?”
“I’m not, I, I wasn’t. I just-”
“Shut the f*** up and stand up.”
“Kay”, I said, flying to my feet.
“Who was fighting?” she stared into my soul as she asked.
“Ummmm, fighting? I don’t think -”
“I swear to God if you lie to me it will be the last thing you do”, she said through gritted teeth, stepping closer.
“A crowd was gathered outside your cell. A crowd only gathers when there’s a fight. So I’ll ask you again – WHO THE F**K WAS FIGHTING?!”
As I opened my mouth to tell on myself, Nicki spoke up. “Miss Riggins, nobody was fighting. Tiffany was showing us how she does the worm, and everyone gathered around because…it was hilarious”.
Miss Riggins tilted her head to the side with a confused expression on her face while I debated on whether or not to punch Nicki in the face, or give her a kiss.
“What, the f**k is a worm G*ddamnit? And who the hell is Tiffany?”, she asked.
I took a deep breath, unsure of where this was going. I could hear a few girls chuckling, and waited nervously for someone to call Nicki out for lying to Riggins face. No one did. No one wanted to be labeled as a snitch and apparently Daniels’ posse didn’t want her going to lock. Holy shit. No one said a thing.
“Well, that’s Tiffany,” she said pointing, “and the worm is…a dance move”, she said matter-of-factly. Sheila, one of our roomates was trying her best to hide her laughter, but I could hear her wheezing as she covered her mouth.
Miss Riggins turned to face me and my face suddenly felt hot with embarrassment. “What the hell you think this is? America’s best dance crew? You just gone show off your dance moves whenever you feel like it? This is not the Soul Train auditions, this is jail.”
“Matter of fact, since you like dancin’ so much. Why don’t you show me? Yeah, come here.” she said, walking into the day room.
You have got to be f***ing kidding me. She was not about to do this. I would rather go to lock. I would rather be tazed. I would rather get sucker punched in the face 10 more times by Daniels. Please God, this is not happening.
“Come here”, she said, waving me to the day room. If looks could kill, Nicki would have been a corpse. I hated her before and I hated her even more now. As soon as Riggins leaves here I’m taking my pillow of death, and smothering her with it.
“Show us whatchu got”, she said as she crossed her arms. I had never done the worm a day in my life. I really wanted to die. This was something you would see on a movie. I couldn’t believe this was happening.
I gave myself a quick mental pep talk. “60 days in isolation for fighting, or the worm, in front of everyone. Just do it. It will be over before you know it.”
I took a deep breath and slowly lowered my hands to the ground while simultaneously kicking off with my legs and rolling downwards. Laughter erupted all around me as my breasts smashed into the concrete followed by my stomach and pelvis. I pushed off with my arms and continued the cycle of rolling and pushing.
I’m not gonna lie, I did better than I thought I would. Like, it was pretty good.
When I had wormed back a good 20 feet, I stood up and dusted myself off. I slowly began walking back to Riggins who was shaking her head and trying not to laugh. “Get back in your damn cell, and don’t let me catch you doing that shit ever again… it was terrible”,
“White people, man.” She shook her head and exited the pod.